Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
After many years of trying McTavish's wife falls pregnant.
She tells him to go and put an anouncement in the local paper.
He comes back and she asks how much it cost.
He says "sixty pooonds" "How much?" says she. "What did you say to them?" "What you said"
"What else?" "Well, the young lady asked 'how many insertions?' and I said 3 times a week for 5 years"
She tells him to go and put an anouncement in the local paper.
He comes back and she asks how much it cost.
He says "sixty pooonds" "How much?" says she. "What did you say to them?" "What you said"
"What else?" "Well, the young lady asked 'how many insertions?' and I said 3 times a week for 5 years"
I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink, contemplating, when a really big trouble-making Scumbag steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, what you gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the Scumbag says, "I didn't think you'd CRY you big baby. I can’t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the car park, I found me car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the Taxi I took home. I found my girl friend in bed with the gardener, and then my dog attacked me."
"So I came to this Pub to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a Rat-Poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole bloody thing on me!
"Anyway, enough about me, how's your day going?
"Well, what you gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the Scumbag says, "I didn't think you'd CRY you big baby. I can’t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the car park, I found me car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the Taxi I took home. I found my girl friend in bed with the gardener, and then my dog attacked me."
"So I came to this Pub to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a Rat-Poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole bloody thing on me!
"Anyway, enough about me, how's your day going?
james-witton said:
An elderly Yorkshire woman goes into the local newspaper offices and asks to put a classified advert in.
Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
*Rover anorak joke* So is 'Flagship'. Only the 75 made it to production.Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
|https://thumbsnap.com/GeXIGU2u[/url]
d! Just text my pal asking if he'd like to go for a w
Doofus said:
AppleJuice said:
*Rover anorak joke* So is 'Flagship'. Only the 75 made it to production.
I really have tried, I promise, but this make no sense st all.'Flagship': 800 replacement
'Eric': 800 Coupé replacement
'Core': 600 replacement
However Rover could not afford this and quietly dropped 'Flagship' and 'Eric', leaving 'Core', which was renamed 'Isis' (yes, really) and repositioned to replace both the 800 and 600. This was logical in that the 800 and 600 were similar in size with the only distinction between them being the 827i using a V6 engine. Given the KV6 was near completion, it made sense that a six-cylinder engine should be the mainstay of the replacement model. This meant that Rover could cut some ties with Honda.
In 1994 BMW entered stage right and - given the position of the new mangement concerning Honda and 'Isis' development - the decision was taken to drop the 800 and 600. It also relieved Rover of Honda's licensing agreements meaning that Rover could then re-enter the US market with its new model without any restrictions, if it so wished.
The sidemarker shows that the 75 was destined for the US
With this being the case, developing the new model became the focus at Rover. BMW management were very enthusiastic when shown a sketch of 'Isis', which then proceeded further with the new name 'Project RD1' - with a new platform (R40 for the saloon, R41 for the Tourer) - and 2.0- and 2.5-litre V6 engines being the mainstays of the range.
Info from AR Online
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff