Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
The Dangerous Elk said:
I met a gorgeous street hooker the other day, so stunning she should have been a model.
I found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
Reminds me of the matelot from Portsmouth met a prostitute in a wheelchair, he asked how they should do it.I found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those b
ds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".Vipers said:
Reminds me of the matelot from Portsmouth met a prostitute in a wheelchair, he asked how they should do it.
She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those bds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".
You seem to know a lot of good matelot jokes - are you really vipers, or are you sailors ?She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those b
ds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
The cost of living has now got so bad my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
Well Vipers, that sounds like a positive outcome.
Have you tried charging her?
Is she your current wife?
Oh dear, now I'm posting puns on the joke thread...
Vipers said:
Reminds me of the matelot from Portsmouth met a prostitute in a wheelchair, he asked how they should do it.
She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those bds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".
She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those b
ds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".Nice one Vipers, I like that one a lot.
It works on so many levels of subtlety regarding the rivalries between the matelots of Pompey and those smart b
ds from Plymouth! 
The Dangerous Elk said:
I met a gorgeous street hooker the other day, so stunning she should have been a model.
I found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
I found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
rayny said:
Vipers said:
Reminds me of the matelot from Portsmouth met a prostitute in a wheelchair, he asked how they should do it.
She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those bds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".
You seem to know a lot of good matelot jokes - are you really vipers, or are you sailors ?She said just pick me up and I can hang onto the railings.
After the business, he put her back in her wheelchair.
She said "Your from Portsmouth aren't you"
He said "Yes, how did you know that"
She said "Those b
ds from Plymouth leave me on the railings".Vipers said:
I just received an automated phone call saying I won $250 cash or two Broadway tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show.
It said -
"Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....."
Be careful Vipers! It said -
"Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....."
If you press 1, did they specify US $ or HK $?
And how do they expect you to get to Broadway if you press 2?
The Dangerous Elk said:
I met a gorgeous street hooker the other day, so stunning she should have been a model.
I found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
A prostitute's wails might be said to be wI found out she also has a speech impediment when asking her the price for a "quickie".
I was shocked at a figure of £5.00, I asked why so cheep ?
"I have no womb," she said
is that not an advantage ? I asked, no pills and such
Nope she said, we have to do it against the wailings.
e moans...
A guy and his wife in bed, been married for years, he's trying his best, she's lying there like a bag of potatoes bored of the whole thing.
He tries to spice it up "come on pet, can't you at least moan a little"
She: "when are you going to paint that ceiling and will you stop walking in here in your dirty boots...."
He tries to spice it up "come on pet, can't you at least moan a little"
She: "when are you going to paint that ceiling and will you stop walking in here in your dirty boots...."
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