Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Doofus]

I think we may be closer to discovering where Vipers copies and pastes his jokes from.

[Doofus]

Or to...

[mondeomk4]

A car pulled out in front of me, I gave her the eye...she gave me the eye.
A gave her a toot... she gave me a toot

It was an eye for an eye and a toot for a toot!

Edited by mondeomk4 on Thursday 20th September 21:45

[Halmyre]

mondeomk4 said:

A car pulled out in front of me, I gave her the eye...she gave me the eye.
A gave her a toot... she gave me a toot

It was an eye for an eye and a toot for a toot!

Edited by mondeomk4 on Thursday 20th September 21:45

[glenrobbo]

Halmyre said:

Only two Ken play

Beyond our Ken?
Or Round the Horne?

[Gargamel]

I’d rather have a parrot than a two Ken.

[Vipers]

Doofus said:

I think we may be closer to discovering where Vipers copies and pastes his jokes from.

Ohhhhh not too close guys

[Halmyre]

glenrobbo said:

Halmyre said:

Only two Ken play

Beyond our Ken?
Or Round the Horne?

The first time I've ever listened to 'Beyond Our Ken' on iPlayer and Ken W did the 'eye for an eye, toot for a toot' joke, and lo and behold it turns up in here. Spooky, eh?

[mondeomk4]

Re: Toot Toot
It was on Beyond Our Ken on Radio 4 extra yesterday

[Halmyre]

Not bad, but overall not as bona as Round the Horne. Need to listen to a few more (and continue to fast forward through the musical numbers).

[GloverMart]

[Trophy Husband]

Fellow walks into a pub with his giraffe. Walks to the bar and asks for a pint of Guinness and a bucket of bitter. They have another 4 or five rounds and the giraffe starts swaying. Fellow bids the barman goodbye and the giraffe attempts to follow swaying. The giraffe slowly falls in a heap along the bar and the fellow continues out of the door until the barman shouts "Oi, are you going to leave that lying there?". The fellow says "Are you stupid? It's not a lion it's a giraffe!".

[mattyn1]

What do you call a man who cannot stand?



Neil.

[mattyn1]

Unfortunately my obese parrot has just died. I am sad but it’s a huge weight of my shoulders.

[Doofus]

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere on Pistonheads. Credit goes to PHer tight fart:



My mate won a Land Rover experience day.

They drove him to a layby on the A38 where he had to wait 4 hours for the RAC.

[simoid]

Bought some trainers off a guy on gumtree. Turns out he was a drug dealer.

Don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all week.

[Troubleatmill]

Doofus said:

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere on Pistonheads. Credit goes to PHer tight fart:



My mate won a Land Rover experience day.

They drove him to a layby on the A38 where he had to wait 4 hours for the RAC.

[Laurel Green]

Troubleatmill said:

Doofus said:

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere on Pistonheads. Credit goes to PHer tight fart:



My mate won a Land Rover experience day.

They drove him to a layby on the A38 where he had to wait 4 hours for the RAC.

Plus another

[GloverMart]

I was driving on the M5 the other day when I saw a sign that said 'Warning! Stationery Vehicles Ahead'.

As i was sat there thinking "What idiot spelt stationary with an 'E'", i drove straight into the back of a WH Smith lorry.

[Tony 1234]

Laurel Green said:

Troubleatmill said:

Doofus said:

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere on Pistonheads. Credit goes to PHer tight fart:



My mate won a Land Rover experience day.

They drove him to a layby on the A38 where he had to wait 4 hours for the RAC.

Plus another

Very good