Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
nonsequitur said:
Very late kick-off. Referee has been eaten, the linesman's signals are confusing and very slow pitch invasion is taking place.
No is for sloppiness.Come on, even though this is a joke thread, standards should be maintained; any fule kno the linesman been called an assistant referee since 1996...
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
louiebaby said:
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Thats even worse than Vipers';don't get that one at all. Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
CanAm said:
louiebaby said:
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Thats even worse than Vipers';don't get that one at all. Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
CanAm said:
louiebaby said:
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Thats even worse than Vipers';don't get that one at all. Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Then you’ll get it.
stuartmmcfc said:
CanAm said:
louiebaby said:
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Thats even worse than Vipers';don't get that one at all. Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Then you’ll get it.
Very funny
psi310398 said:
nonsequitur said:
Very late kick-off. Referee has been eaten, the linesman's signals are confusing and very slow pitch invasion is taking place.
No is for sloppiness.Come on, even though this is a joke thread, standards should be maintained; any fule kno the linesman been called an assistant referee since 1996...
CanAm said:
louiebaby said:
What is the perceived wisdom of engine choice on Jaguar XJ of the X350 vintage?
Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Thats even worse than Vipers';don't get that one at all. Looks like the options are V6 or V8...?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_XJ_(X350)
Sure, the XJR would be epic, but is the NA 4.2 the better bet, as there are few opportunities to deploy 400bhp...?
Possibly.
If it was a joke?
We just need to know exactly when the fight started...
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She suspects that he’s preparing a surprise for her since today is their 20th wedding anniversary, so she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “You haven’t been sitting here all night, have you!?”
The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses… The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
“I remember that too,” she replied softly…
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “You haven’t been sitting here all night, have you!?”
The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses… The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
“I remember that too,” she replied softly…
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. After a short nap, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
The wife was disappointed. She asked her husband's doctor, "When my husband first woke up, he called me beautiful, but just a minute ago, he woke up again and called me cute. What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The doctor replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
That's it for today's, thank god you say BFN
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. After a short nap, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
The wife was disappointed. She asked her husband's doctor, "When my husband first woke up, he called me beautiful, but just a minute ago, he woke up again and called me cute. What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The doctor replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
That's it for today's, thank god you say BFN
This Scottish guy goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.
After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the f
k is that?"
The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "fk me! How big are the cats?"
After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the f
k is that?"The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "f
k me! How big are the cats?"ChemicalChaos said:
This Scottish guy goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.
After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the fk is that?"
The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "fk me! How big are the cats?"
Very good.After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the f
k is that?"The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "f
k me! How big are the cats?"ChemicalChaos said:
This Scottish guy goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.
After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the fk is that?"
The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "fk me! How big are the cats?"
WHISKEY!? Wasn’t no Scotsman drinking whiskey...After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the f
k is that?"The barman says, "it's a moose."
The Scottish chap says, "f
k me! How big are the cats?"Vipers said:
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She suspects that he’s preparing a surprise for her since today is their 20th wedding anniversary, so she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
<snip>
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
Made I laugh - Ta<snip>
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
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