Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[DavieW]

Doofus said:

funkyrobot said:

Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell.

Proper roffle

Even my wife laughed!

Mine didn't

[grumpy52]

Whats pink and wrinkled and hangs out grandads pyjamas?

Grandma .

[glenrobbo]

The Dangerous Elk said:

Steve vRS said:

funkyrobot said:

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are so good at it.

Brilliant!

That only works if they are in Cherry Trees

The joke goes like this:

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?

- They paint their toenails red.

[gazapc]

Why don't mussels give Christmas presents.

Because they are a little shellfish.

[glenrobbo]

gazapc said:

Why don't mushelsh give Chrishmash preshentsh?

Becaushe they are a little shellfish.

FTFY.

[john2443]

glenrobbo said:

The joke goes like this:

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?

- They paint their toenails red.

Why do the snakes leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?

Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees

[glenrobbo]

Name a famous elephant jazz singer.

Elephants Gerald


Name a famous elephant calypso singer

Harry Elephonte


Name a famous elephant ghost writer

L.E. Phantom


How do you mention the elephant in the room?

You don't.


How can you tell a Russian elephant?

You don't, he might be a spy.

[Evangelion]

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?

None, they're both purple. Except the elephant.



What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants?

"Here come the plums." He was colourblind.

[ApOrbital]

?

[Vaud]

Evangelion said:

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?

None, they're both purple. Except the elephant.



What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants?

"Here come the plums." He was colourblind.

Excellent.

[NoVetec]

john2443 said:

Why do the snakes leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?

Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees

Why's there no medicine in the jungle?


Paracetamol.

[grumpy52]

Emotional day today , I sorted the mother in laws cottage , I got a fair price for the furniture and stuff from the house clearance chap , all her clothes and ornaments were donated to her favourite charity . I can't wait to see her face when she gets back from bingo !

[grumpy52]

[Richie C]

NoVetec said:

john2443 said:

Why do the snakes leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?

Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees

Why's there no medicine in the jungle?


Paracetamol.

Why did the tiger get lost?

Because jungle is massive.

[STO]

How do you get four Elephants in a Mini?

Two in the front and two in the back.





How do you get two whales in a Mini?



Down the M4 and over the Severn bridge

[Shambler]

[Blatter]

Shambler said:

[funkyrobot]

Richie C said:

NoVetec said:

john2443 said:

Why do the snakes leave the jungle at 5 o'clock?

Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees

Why's there no medicine in the jungle?


Paracetamol.

Why did the tiger get lost?

Because jungle is massive.

That track is in my head now.

[Doofus]

Shambler said:

You win Pistonheads today! Well done

[Pieman68]

grumpy52 said:

Whats pink and wrinkled and hangs out grandads pyjamas?

Grandma .

What's pink and wrinkly, goes in and out and stinks of piss

Your grandma doing the hokey cokey