Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Apparently the case was dismissed because it didn’t stand up in court
https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/young...
https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/young...
Edited by Kenty on Sunday 9th December 21:56
Kenty said:
Apparently the case was dismissed because it didn’t stand up in court
https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/young...
Was she charged with assault and leggery?https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/young...
Edited by Kenty on Sunday 9th December 21:56
A Husband Whispers in his Wife's Ear at the Bar
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes" she says, "I remember it oh so well!"
"OK", he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A man sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the man has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The man is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about 10 minutes of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back in order.
The man is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes" she says, "I remember it oh so well!"
"OK", he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A man sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the man has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The man is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about 10 minutes of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back in order.
The man is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Kenty said:
A Husband Whispers in his Wife's Ear at the Bar
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes" she says, "I remember it oh so well!"
"OK", he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A man sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the man has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The man is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about 10 minutes of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back in order.
The man is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Thats shocking "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes" she says, "I remember it oh so well!"
"OK", he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A man sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the man has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The man is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about 10 minutes of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back in order.
The man is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
I was at the store earlier today and I bumped into an old neighbour. A woman who, as a fourteen year old, I would babysit for to earn a bit of cash.
I'd always had a crush on this woman and the years had been kind to her as she still looked really sexy for her age. We shared a few drinks and she started to flirt with me and she reminded me that I used to babysit her kids.
I suddenly remembered I used to go through her draws, get out her vibrator, all crusty with the odd pube stuck to it, and sniff it while jerking myself off, thinking of her using it on herself. I snapped back to the conversation.
"Are you still with your husband?" I asked.
She smiled, touched my arm and said, "No. I left him when I found him, one night, jerking off to gay porn with a dildo up his ass."
I'd always had a crush on this woman and the years had been kind to her as she still looked really sexy for her age. We shared a few drinks and she started to flirt with me and she reminded me that I used to babysit her kids.
I suddenly remembered I used to go through her draws, get out her vibrator, all crusty with the odd pube stuck to it, and sniff it while jerking myself off, thinking of her using it on herself. I snapped back to the conversation.
"Are you still with your husband?" I asked.
She smiled, touched my arm and said, "No. I left him when I found him, one night, jerking off to gay porn with a dildo up his ass."
rayny said:
driverrob said:
Watership Down:
You've read the book.
You've seen the film.
Now taste the pie.
It's nice to see that things do change. - The original (40 years ago) was a sign outside a butcher shop :You've read the book.
You've seen the film.
Now taste the pie.
You've read the book.
You've seen the film.
Now eat the cast.
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