Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[MartG]

Consignment of cannabis plants dumped in Severn Estuary, local seabirds seen feeding nearby.

The RSPB are investigating but say no tern has been left un-stoned!

[MartG]

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car ??

Carlos

[Vipers]

MartG said:

Consignment of cannabis plants dumped in Severn Estuary, local seabirds seen feeding nearby.

The RSPB are investigating but say no tern has been left un-stoned!

Bet that will confuse some.......

[Ultra Sound Guy]

My daughter has just got a new job involving both food and fashion! She dresses crabs!

[MartG]

[mickk]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

My daughter has just got a new job involving both food and fashion! She dresses crabs!

Two jobs? Very shellfish!

[Ultra Sound Guy]

mickk said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

My daughter has just got a new job involving both food and fashion! She dresses crabs!

Two jobs? Very shellfish!

She’s covering for an Indian guy who got squashed by the fishmongers delivery truck!
He was a crushed Asian!

[Vipers]

A little boy came up to me in the park, said he'd lost his dad. I asked "What's he like?"

He replied "Beer and football."

[MartG]

The Director of Yellowstone National Park has updated tourist guidance:-

Please do not camp at Yellowstone if your wife or girlfriend is menstruating as the scent is likely to attract bears to your tent.

Then your wife will bite their heads off for no reason.

[MartG]

They say English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" Were Blacksmiths.
"Taylors", Were Tailors
What the fk did the Dickinsons do?

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Following on from various threads and films I’ve decided that I should write myself a bucket list!
So far I have:-
1) Mop
2) Coal
3) Ice
4) Car wash
5) Household
6) Garden.
7) Sand

[MartG]

My Dads answer to everything was alcohol.
He wasn't a big drinker, he was just st at crosswords.

[paua]

8) Fire

[B'stard Child]

paua said:

8) Fire

End the list with "Kick"

[alfie2244]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Following on from various threads and films I’ve decided that I should write myself a bucket list!
So far I have:-
1) Mop
2) Coal
3) Ice
4) Car wash
5) Household
6) Garden.
7) Sand

Hyacinth?

[Kenty]

10) Digger

[Evangelion]

What did the Mexican say when his house blew down in a storm?

"Hacienda that."

[cologne2792]

MartG said:

They say English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" Were Blacksmiths.
"Taylors", Were Tailors
What the fk did the Dickinsons do?

Dealt Antiques.

[MartG]

No more blunders

[EarlOfHazard]

MartG said:

No more blunders

Who is it?