Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed my arse and said,
"You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"
I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"
She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen".
I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."
(Gender-interchangeable).
"You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"
I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"
She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen".
I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."
(Gender-interchangeable).
JulianPH said:
The condom jokes reminded me of a very old one.
16 year old lad walks into a pharmacy and ask for a pack of condoms.
"What size would you like?", asks the girl behind the counter.
"I've never bought a pack before, I don't know", replies the lad.
"Just get it out, I'll stroke it a bit and tell you", the girl says. He does so and she calls "medium condoms please Jean" to her assistant.
Later on another lad walks in and goes through the same with the pharmacist calling "large condoms please Jean".
Word gets around and then later another, even younger, very nervous lad walks in, not knowing his size. The girl behind the counter tells him to pop it out for her to stroke it and let him know.
"Large tissue please Jean".
The assistant fainted (am I doing this right?!!).
The other one was not really a joke, but was something I really didn't want to hear from my Mum.
She was talking about a round of golf and said that on one tee she hit a condom shot. "What's that", I asked? "You know", she said "it didn't feel right, but it was safe".
And the one about a condom and camels, the cigarettes that is and the two old biddies.16 year old lad walks into a pharmacy and ask for a pack of condoms.
"What size would you like?", asks the girl behind the counter.
"I've never bought a pack before, I don't know", replies the lad.
"Just get it out, I'll stroke it a bit and tell you", the girl says. He does so and she calls "medium condoms please Jean" to her assistant.
Later on another lad walks in and goes through the same with the pharmacist calling "large condoms please Jean".
Word gets around and then later another, even younger, very nervous lad walks in, not knowing his size. The girl behind the counter tells him to pop it out for her to stroke it and let him know.
"Large tissue please Jean".
The assistant fainted (am I doing this right?!!).
The other one was not really a joke, but was something I really didn't want to hear from my Mum.
She was talking about a round of golf and said that on one tee she hit a condom shot. "What's that", I asked? "You know", she said "it didn't feel right, but it was safe".
Pieman68 said:
Vipers said:
I got my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas........
It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.
When Paul McCartney was with Heather Mills he bought her a plane for ChristmasIt's not her main present, just a stocking filler.
He also got her a ladyshave for the other leg
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