Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he Hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom - He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing.. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.'
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
'What do you think frog?' The man asks.
'Ribbit 3 wood.'
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one...
The man is befuddled and doesn't know What to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the Best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, 'OK where to next?'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas ..
'They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now What?'
The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, 'What do you think I should Bet?'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man
Figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table and the man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.
He sits the frog down and Says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'
The frog replies, Ribbit KissMe.'
He figures why not, Since after all the frog did for Him, He deserves it..
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
'So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'
...and speaking of golf.
apologies to Vipers in advance, I needed a name, any name.
First time I met Vipers was on a golf course and he had his little dog with him.
Vipers teed off and played a beautiful shot, straight down the fairway, the ball landed close to the green. The dog had watched intently, obviously very keen on knowing how Vipers was playing.
The dog, sat up and put its front paws together, clapping as loud as it could.
The second hole, exactly the same, the dog stood up on its hind legs when he played a wonderful shot and clapped away.
'Tell me Vipers, what does the dog do if you play a bad shot?'
''He actually turns somersaults'.
'Amazing, how many does he do?'
'All depends how hard I kick him'.
apologies to Vipers in advance, I needed a name, any name.
First time I met Vipers was on a golf course and he had his little dog with him.
Vipers teed off and played a beautiful shot, straight down the fairway, the ball landed close to the green. The dog had watched intently, obviously very keen on knowing how Vipers was playing.
The dog, sat up and put its front paws together, clapping as loud as it could.
The second hole, exactly the same, the dog stood up on its hind legs when he played a wonderful shot and clapped away.
'Tell me Vipers, what does the dog do if you play a bad shot?'
''He actually turns somersaults'.
'Amazing, how many does he do?'
'All depends how hard I kick him'.
cookmysock said:
Vipers said:
Roullette joke...
The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win,
erm - odds are 36:1The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win,
kitten on the way
I've just remembered one whilst I was posting on another thread. It is actually a true story, but very funny.
A very good Irish mate of mine used to run a pub in London in the early nineties. One afternoon a group of unknown hard men walked in and ordered drinks. 20 minutes later a second group of hard me came in and started making trouble.
The first group got up and sorted out the trouble makers, ejecting them from the pub with serious threats if they ever came back. They then came back to the bar where my mate kindly thanked them for dealing with the trouble makers.
They then told him that they could provide full time protection for the pub for the right amount of money. Now my mate may be Irish, but is not stupid and knew this was all a set up so he tells them he is more than open to this and writes down an address on apiece of paper and hands it to the guy.
The guy looks at it and says "what's this?". My mate says to him, "it the address of the local IRA division. You'll need it for when you go over to tell them you are taking over their protection money on this pub!".
A very good Irish mate of mine used to run a pub in London in the early nineties. One afternoon a group of unknown hard men walked in and ordered drinks. 20 minutes later a second group of hard me came in and started making trouble.
The first group got up and sorted out the trouble makers, ejecting them from the pub with serious threats if they ever came back. They then came back to the bar where my mate kindly thanked them for dealing with the trouble makers.
They then told him that they could provide full time protection for the pub for the right amount of money. Now my mate may be Irish, but is not stupid and knew this was all a set up so he tells them he is more than open to this and writes down an address on apiece of paper and hands it to the guy.
The guy looks at it and says "what's this?". My mate says to him, "it the address of the local IRA division. You'll need it for when you go over to tell them you are taking over their protection money on this pub!".
t at maths.sc0tt said:
A 1 in 38 chance of winning is odds of37-1
JulianPH said:
Nimby said:
A 1 in 38 chance of winning is odds of
37-1
Sorry, Zagato is right. Their are 38 holes and therefore you have a 1 in 38 chance of picking the correct one.37-1
Consider a coin toss. Chance of heads is 1 in 2, which is the same as 1/1 (evens).
(OK I should have used / rather than -)
This is how the fight got started.
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