Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[nonsequitur]

The Dangerous Elk said:

I have been trying to think of a joke about amputees, at the moment I am just stumped.

In that case, Do Not Have a Drink Tonight.

[Nimby]

The Dangerous Elk said:

I have been trying to think of a joke about amputees, at the moment I am just stumped.

I would have given that a thumbs-up but ... er ...

[paua]

Nimby said:

The Dangerous Elk said:

I have been trying to think of a joke about amputees, at the moment I am just stumped.

I would have given that a thumbs-up but ... er ...

one handed clap from me

[droopsnoot]

The Dangerous Elk said:

I have been trying to think of a joke about amputees, at the moment I am just stumped.

I was going to raise a formal complaint about that, but it turns out I haven't got a leg to stand on.

[Evangelion]

The Dangerous Elk said:

I have been trying to think of a joke about amputees, at the moment I am just stumped.

Then you obviously never heard the song that Paul McCartney wrote for Heather Mills while he was married to her:

We sat there on the grassy bank
My hands were all a-quiver.
I undid her suspender belt
And her leg fell in the river.

[Don1]

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

[Halmyre]

K12beano said:

Vipers said:

I'me self employed, if you see me talking to myself, don't worry, I'me having a staff meeting.

I'm my company's Managing Director, Finance Director, Secretary and Tea Boy....

....you should hear the double entendres each morning when I ask myself if it's time for a round of coffees.........

I'm self employed as well, it's terrible, management are stingy bds and the employees are lazy stes.

[Vipers]

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

[james-witton]

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

[PixelpeepS3]

james-witton said:

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

at least she's guaranteed 50% off all footwear.

[Vipers]

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

[kowalski655]

PixelpeepS3 said:

james-witton said:

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

at least she's guaranteed 50% off all footwear.

Or steal it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jBlE5F7r8I

[Vipers]

PixelpeepS3 said:

james-witton said:

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

at least she's guaranteed 50% off all footwear.

Did she take her own plane?

[motco]

I expect that she has a woodworm treatment firm on retainer though.

[Spydaman]

Vipers said:

PixelpeepS3 said:

james-witton said:

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

at least she's guaranteed 50% off all footwear.

Did she take her own plane?

Paul has agreed to give Heather a plane in the divorce settlement......and a Lady shave for the other leg.

[Vipers]

Spydaman said:

Vipers said:

PixelpeepS3 said:

james-witton said:

Don1 said:

When Paul McCartney had gone through his painful divorce, he had an interview and was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He replied "her name's Heather...."

Apparently to get over their divorce she went island hopping in Greece.

at least she's guaranteed 50% off all footwear.

Did she take her own plane?

Paul has agreed to give Heather a plane in the divorce settlement......and a Lady shave for the other leg.

We won't mention the stocking filler he got her once for Christmas.

[Blatter]

[Ayahuasca]

Whoos parrot for Sean.

[Doofus]

Blatter said:

But surely that's the joke the roofing advert is already making.

[glenrobbo]

Ayahuasca said:

Whoos parrot for Sean.

"You shay", shurely?