Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[john2443]

Al Fayed family deny copy cat revenge attempt on Prince Phillip

[jet_noise]

Geoffrey 321 said:

Sticks. said:

At the sperm bank the other day the nurse said 'can you wk in the cup?'.

I said 'I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm competition standard'.

Now that was very good

How about the evergreen:
"What, from here?" as the punchline.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Just a thought, but has anyone ever seen Albert Steptoe and Jeremy Corbin in the same room?

[Doofus]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just a thought, but has anyone ever seen Albert Steptoe and Jeremy Corbin in the same room?

It's extremely unlikely.

[motco]

Doofus said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Just a thought, but has anyone ever seen Albert Steptoe and Jeremy Corbin in the same room?

It's extremely unlikely.

Courtesy of a contributor to another thread:

[Vipers]

Birthdays are good for you.

Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.

[glenrobbo]

Vipers said:

Birthdays are good for you.

Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.

I am living proof that this is fact.

Even though the local authorities make my life as complicated and awkward as possible:

[Doofus]

glenrobbo said:

Even though the local authorities make my life as complicated and awkward as possible:

The NHS should be ashamed!

That's not a real Zimmer frame!

[SeeFive]

Doofus said:

glenrobbo said:

Even though the local authorities make my life as complicated and awkward as possible:

The NHS should be ashamed!

That's not a real Zimmer frame!

And you shouldn’t be walking on that side of the path either. From the graphic it seems that lane is reserved for people with a right foot missing and a broken right leg

[The Dangerous Elk]

Doofus said:

The NHS should be ashamed!

That's not a real Zimmer frame!

No, it is one of those new Banana & Chicken "slop in a pot" powered auto walkers. No batteries needed and 50% more power with a stolen can of red bull.

[Vipers]

Geoffrey 321 said:

Sticks. said:

At the sperm bank the other day the nurse said 'can you wk in the cup?'.

I said 'I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm competition standard'.

Now that was very good

Indeed it was.

[CRA1G]

glenrobbo said:

Vipers said:

Birthdays are good for you.

Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.

I am living proof that this is fact.

Even though the local authorities make my life as complicated and awkward as possible:

It's a shame you can't see the full picture with the toddlers mother screening. "Come back you filthy dirty pervert"....

[iwantagta]

My dad used to keep racing pigeons, he never ever beat one.

[Shuvi McTupya]

CRA1G said:

It's a shame you can't see the full picture with the toddlers mother screening. "Come back you filthy dirty pervert"....

Some sicko's will bend over sideways to get their hands on a kid.

[Sticks.]

Vipers said:

Birthdays are good for you.

Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Very good.

Giving up drinking, eating unhealthy food and partying doesn't actually make you live any longer.
It just feels like it.

Why do married men die younger?
Because they want to.

[Doofus]

What's grey and can't climb trees?



A car park.





What's white and wears yellow check trousers?



Rupert The Fridge.

[douglasb]

Who wears yellow check trousers, carries a flick knife and robs yuor money?

Rubert the bd.

[glenrobbo]

Shuvi McTupya said:

CRA1G said:

It's a shame you can't see the full picture with the toddlers mother screening "Come back you filthy dirty pervert"....

Some sicko's will bend over sideways to get their hands on a kid.

Those comments are not very nice.

They are uncalled for and they are not funny either. This is supposed to be a joke thread.

Alas the omission of, and inaccurate use of apostrophes, highlighted in bold, is quite appalling.
And "screening"? What's that all about?

I have no alternative but to impose detention and extra homework on both of you.
Now put on these dunces' hats and gimp masks and bend over...

Edited by glenrobbo on Sunday 20th January 00:35

[K12beano]

From “The Brexit”:

[Vaud]

That is brilliant.