Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
bristolracer said:
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
thanks....The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
bristolracer said:
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
So they were looking for one of the same calibre as the last one they adopted.....The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon...
Not a Sean joke but by way of a change, here's a fact.'
When Dr. No was being filmed, it emerged that Sean had a morbid fear of spiders.
The crew tried putting a sheet of glass over Sean for the spider to crawl on but
this was unrealistic and was visible. So, the usual stuntman Bob Simmons stood in, Simmons later admitted it was the
most frightening stunt he'd ever done. Perhaps Sean would've been more comfortable
knowing the name of the 'shpider.'
Say hello to Rosie.
When Dr. No was being filmed, it emerged that Sean had a morbid fear of spiders.
The crew tried putting a sheet of glass over Sean for the spider to crawl on but
this was unrealistic and was visible. So, the usual stuntman Bob Simmons stood in, Simmons later admitted it was the
most frightening stunt he'd ever done. Perhaps Sean would've been more comfortable
knowing the name of the 'shpider.'
Say hello to Rosie.
Halmyre said:
They did use the glass shot in the film. You can clearly see in the film (from which the above still was taken) that the spider is crawling over glass, by the shadow it casts and the compression mark on Sean's arm. The close-up of it on his arm was Simmons.
Flying back from Lagos some time ago, upstairs on a Jumbo, they came around spraying first to kill all the bugs, then we took off, I looked up, (I was sitting in the front with a bulkhead directly in front of me, and there was a spider a tad bigger than the one on Bonds, walking up the bulkhead (wall to those who dont know) no one had seen it, when I beckoned the steward, (probably not a stewardess, hard to tell I know), and pointed it out to him, he almost fainted.He grabbed a magazine and beat the s
te out of it before disposing of it. I asked why he didnt trap it and sort of give it to the London Zoo or whatever, he said if we landed with this, they would confiscate the plane.Biggest spider I have even seen, guessing a trantualla or bird eating spider.
Vipers said:
Halmyre said:
They did use the glass shot in the film. You can clearly see in the film (from which the above still was taken) that the spider is crawling over glass, by the shadow it casts and the compression mark on Sean's arm. The close-up of it on his arm was Simmons.
Flying back from Lagos some time ago, upstairs on a Jumbo, they came around spraying first to kill all the bugs, then we took off, I looked up, (I was sitting in the front with a bulkhead directly in front of me, and there was a spider a tad bigger than the one on Bonds, walking up the bulkhead (wall to those who dont know) no one had seen it, when I beckoned the steward, (probably not a stewardess, hard to tell I know), and pointed it out to him, he almost fainted.He grabbed a magazine and beat the s
te out of it before disposing of it. I asked why he didnt trap it and sort of give it to the London Zoo or whatever, he said if we landed with this, they would confiscate the plane.Biggest spider I have even seen, guessing a trantualla or bird eating spider.
Vipers said:
He grabbed a magazine and beat the ste out of it before disposing of it. I asked why he didnt trap it and sort of give it to the London Zoo or whatever, he said if we landed with this, they would confiscate the plane.
Biggest spider I have even seen, guessing a trantualla or bird eating spider.
I suppose he couldn't throw I out the window.te out of it before disposing of it. I asked why he didnt trap it and sort of give it to the London Zoo or whatever, he said if we landed with this, they would confiscate the plane.Biggest spider I have even seen, guessing a trantualla or bird eating spider.
Shuvi McTupya said:
Just been for a job interview and the guy asked me where i saw myself in a years time.
"I Don't fking know, it's not like I have 2020 vision for fks sake"
(True story) - I wear glasses. I was in an interview and I said sorry, I don't have 2020 vision, when asked that very question. One interviewer laughed, one didn't. I turned the role down."I Don't f
king know, it's not like I have 2020 vision for fks sake"(That's when the fight started).
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