Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Trophy Husband]

It's hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac. They always take things literally.

[EarlOfHazard]

What do you get if you cross a paedophile and a pirate?

Arrr Kelly

[Trophy Husband]

A Buddhist monk went into a burger joint and said "Make me one with everything".

[Gargamel]

Trophy Husband said:

A Buddhist monk went into a burger joint and said "Make me one with everything".

Good joke. Butit should be a hot dog stand.


A buddist goes tot a hot dog stall and says, " can you make me one with everything?"

He is given a Hot Dog and gives the vendor a $20 note.

Where is my change ? the buddhist asks

''Change must come from within'" says the vendor.

[Sticks.]

I booked myself on a week's retreat called 'Be The Perfect Buddhist'.

it was expensive but I thought 'why not, you only live once'.

[EarlOfHazard]

[alorotom]

EarlOfHazard said:

What do you get if you cross a paedophile and a pirate?

Arrr Kelly

Lmao ... love that!

[Tindle]

Got really cross when someone fired a toy gun right in my face and a flag came out of the barrel with ” ngab “ on it
I said “ That’s bang out of order ! “

[glenrobbo]

Tindle said:

Got really cross when someone fired a toy gun right in my face and a flag came out of the barrel with ” ngab “ on it
I said “ That’s bang out of order ! “

Ah, Tim Vine

"I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin? Still, at least it's comfortable on Eurostar, it's murder on the Orient Express... "

[phazed]

“I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

[gowmonster]

it's the sean connery joke thread, not the tim vine joke thread....

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

[glenrobbo]

gowmonster said:

it's the sean connery joke thread, not the tim vine joke thread....

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

I keep telling them all that there's a separate thread for puns, but do they listen?

Never mind, here's one:

Q: What's a 72?

A: A 69 with three people watching...

[rayny]

glenrobbo said:

I keep telling them all that there's a separate thread for puns, but do they listen?

Never mind, here's one:

Q: What's a 72?

A: A 69 with three people watching...

I thought it was a three-some with 69 people watching.
Or, a 'handsome' with 71 voyeurs.

[grumpy52]

What's a 68 ?
You do me and I owe you one !
138 ?
Meal for four .

[grumpy52]

[Vipers]

[rayny]

Hey Vipers - The thread for Selfies is over there >------->>
Have a great weekend

[driverrob]

[Vipers]

rayny said:

Hey Vipers - The thread for Selfies is over there >------->>
Have a great weekend

You must have x ray eyes, how did you see me behind that bubble

Have a good one

[davhill]

Did Egyptian tomb robbers show up on horseback, wearing tricorn hats, waving flintlock pistols and shouting, "Your mummy or your life"?