Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
fatboy18 said:
Whats that got to do with two blokes sitting at a desk? Who are they?
They travelled all the way from Russia just to visit Salisbury Cathedral, they had .. nothing .. to do with a Russian father and daughter wearing some groovy aftershave or perfume or whatever in the area at the time...
Frank7 said:
StanleyT said:
Mais Oui.
Quasimodo "Les belles, les belles".
Le Bishop "Run like Putain, putain Quasi, c'est Le Fire Alarm".
That was a valiant effort, and I think everyone knew what you were going for, butQuasimodo "Les belles, les belles".
Le Bishop "Run like Putain, putain Quasi, c'est Le Fire Alarm".
I doubt that Quasimodo would shout, “The prettys, the prettys, or the beautys,
and l’éveque would probably say, “Courir comme un fou, c’est l’alarme incendie!”
Un putain is a wh*re BTW.
I still thought that yours was funny though.
A hooker brings a client to her penthouse apartment in London's expensive Canary Wharf district.
The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
“You see this apartment? I bought it by giving good hand jobs.”
The client tells her to give him a hand job.
Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs.
“Look out the window. See that red Ferrari parked on the private street? I bought that car by giving good blow jobs.”
The client asks her to give him a blow job.
Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
“Look out of the window. See that big yacht out there moored in the most expensive part of the dock? I could own that yacht if only I had a vagina . . .”
The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs.
“You see this apartment? I bought it by giving good hand jobs.”
The client tells her to give him a hand job.
Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs.
“Look out the window. See that red Ferrari parked on the private street? I bought that car by giving good blow jobs.”
The client asks her to give him a blow job.
Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed.
“Look out of the window. See that big yacht out there moored in the most expensive part of the dock? I could own that yacht if only I had a vagina . . .”
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the policeman. “Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the officer, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the policeman. “Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the officer, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
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