Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[ColinM50]

Geoffrey 321 said:

john2443 said:

I checked in to a cheap hotel at the weekend, the receptionist said 'Have you got a good memory for faces?'

I said 'Yes'

He said 'That's good, there's no mirror in the bathroom'

Tommy Cooper c1970

[john2443]

ColinM50 said:

Tommy Cooper c1970

I heard it Dave Allen c1970!

[phazed]

Vipers said:

Moral of the story, don't buy a bloody TVR.

Too late, mine's broken down at the moment!

[Vipers]

phazed said:

Vipers said:

Moral of the story, don't buy a bloody TVR.

Too late, mine's broken down at the moment!

What did the monk say

Seriously, sorry to hear that.

[Vipers]

"Daddy, why do they hang horses?", asked my daughter.

"No one hangs horses darling, who told you that?"

"I heard mummy on the phone to her friend and said her new boss was hung like a horse"

[nonsequitur]

ColinM50 said:

Geoffrey 321 said:

john2443 said:

I checked in to a cheap hotel at the weekend, the receptionist said 'Have you got a good memory for faces?'

I said 'Yes'

He said 'That's good, there's no mirror in the bathroom'

Tommy Cooper c1970

Is that relevant? It's funny, on a joke thread. Let's leave it there.

[LoonyTunes]

nonsequitur said:

ColinM50 said:

Geoffrey 321 said:

john2443 said:

I checked in to a cheap hotel at the weekend, the receptionist said 'Have you got a good memory for faces?'

I said 'Yes'

He said 'That's good, there's no mirror in the bathroom'

Tommy Cooper c1970

Is that relevant? It's funny, on a joke thread. Let's leave it there.

Yes, plase, we can use it as a beacon to draw in other similar rib ticklers.

[kowalski655]

john2443 said:

ColinM50 said:

Tommy Cooper c1970

I heard it Dave Allen c1970!

I thought it was The Beat,1980

[Vipers]

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

[Skyedriver]

Vipers said:

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

I was there at 3.14 too....

[Halmyre]

Vipers said:

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

3.14 is not a time or date format

[gothatway]

Halmyre said:

Vipers said:

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

3.14 is not a time or date format

It is if you define it as one : [h]h.mm or [m]m.yy for example. But this is not something to be rational about.

[silverfoxcc]

gothatway said:

Halmyre said:

Vipers said:

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

3.14 is not a time or date format

It is if you define it as one : [h]h.mm or [m]m.yy for example. But this is not something to be rational about.

I put a joke on here about a food and it is cut to pieces

Pie? Crust almighty. it isn't like i had a beef about it, it was just filling time

[Vipers]

silverfoxcc said:

gothatway said:

Halmyre said:

Vipers said:

silverfoxcc said:

A new pie shop has just started business near us

It is open 22/7

You talk with forked tongue, I went down there and it was shut, didn't open till 3.14

3.14 is not a time or date format

It is if you define it as one : [h]h.mm or [m]m.yy for example. But this is not something to be rational about.

I put a joke on here about a food and it iscut to pieces

Pie? Crust almighty. it isn't like i had a beef about it, it was just filling time

Join the club....................... sometimes

[paua]

Vipers said:

Join the club....................... sometimes

The Pi club - first meeting on 22 July, starting 3.14. Bring your own pastry.

[Bobberoo99]

paua said:

Vipers said:

Join the club....................... sometimes

The Pi club - first meeting on 22 July, starting 3.14. Bring your own pastry.

Don't you know what the first rule about pie club is?!?!?

[fomb]

Bobberoo99 said:

Don't you know what the first rule about pie club is?!?!?

I went to Fight Club the other day. I missed the start and some introductory stuff, but it's amazing. Would recommend it to anyone.

[SpeckledJim]

Bobberoo99 said:

paua said:

Vipers said:

Join the club....................... sometimes

The Pi club - first meeting on 22 July, starting 3.14. Bring your own pastry.

Don't you know what the first rule about pie club is?!?!?

Don’t pork?

[Vipers]

paua said:

Vipers said:

Join the club....................... sometimes

The Pi club - first meeting on 22 July, starting 3.14. Bring your own pastry.

Clever

[silverfoxcc]

Not really a joke but worth putting on here

Just got back from a very nice steakhouse type restaurant


A foursome came in and one of the girls had a face like she really wished she was somewhere else.
Anyway orders ere being taken and when the waiter looked at her she said

'I am a vegan,What can i get?'

The waiter didnt falter and replied

'A Taxi?'

Nearly choked on my dessert