Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Caruso said:
Vipers said:
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson, Guido, to his bedside. I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome-plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home, and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?"
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home, and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?"
It even mentioned a gun, yet there was no shot?MartG said:
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose
* I hope I spelt that rightMess with seniors, and you're going to lose
kowalski655 said:
Caruso said:
Vipers said:
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson, Guido, to his bedside. I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome-plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home, and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?"
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home, and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?"
It even mentioned a gun, yet there was no shot?MartG said:
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose
* I hope I spelt that rightMess with seniors, and you're going to lose
r!Duke of Kidderminster said:
General Price said:
Bloody Foreigner.
Coming over here demanding to know what love is.
I thought it was Haddaway.Coming over here demanding to know what love is.
Foreigner = I want to know what love is.
Haddaway = What is love.
Foreigner predates Haddaway by a few years.
I like that one!An old wise guy lying in his hospital bed gets a visit from his wife. Knowing he's not got long left, he asks the wife for a BJ to ease his suffering.
"No way" replies the wife. I've never done that for you and I'm not going to start now. He asks her again, saying how much he's always loved her and that he would do anything for her if it was her dying wish. She thinks about it for a moment and reluctantly agrees. She pulls the curtain around the bed, slips the sheet down and gives the old boy what he wants. When she's finished she covers him back up and says "Did you enjoy that?".
He replied "What's that, cocksucker?"
"No way" replies the wife. I've never done that for you and I'm not going to start now. He asks her again, saying how much he's always loved her and that he would do anything for her if it was her dying wish. She thinks about it for a moment and reluctantly agrees. She pulls the curtain around the bed, slips the sheet down and gives the old boy what he wants. When she's finished she covers him back up and says "Did you enjoy that?".
He replied "What's that, cocksucker?"
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