Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[rev-erend]

Tony 1234 said:

MartG said:

I went to the pub last night and saw a big girl dancing on a table,
I said to her, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so? "
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

and that's when the fight started.

[Oldandslow]

silverfoxcc said:

Picked up a Kosher cook book yesterday

recipe for Jewish omelette


First..... borrow three eggs

Jesus, one from the Bernard Manning joke book.

[Wacky Racer]

Oldandslow said:

silverfoxcc said:

Picked up a Kosher cook book yesterday

recipe for Jewish omelette


First..... borrow three eggs

Jesus, one from the Bernard Manning joke book.

Couple more from Bernard's joke book:-


Fella with no arms and no legs swimming the channel........ caught cramp in his ears.





Jewish Kamikaze pilot............ crashed his plane in his brother's scrapyard....

[Ali Chappussy]

Oldandslow said:

Jesus, one from the Bernard Manning joke book.

Nowt wrong with BM's joke book!!

[StevieBee]

mattyn1 said:

MartG said:

I've just invented a new word:

"Plagiarism"

I am nicking that!!

Excellent!

[Evangelion]

Don't forget the Irish kamikaze pilot ...






... flew 38 missions.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

There's no I in "denial"!

[MartG]

[MartG]

[MartG]

A homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself. Immediately he saw his chance, walked up to her and asked

"Lady, before ending your life would you consider doing me a favor and have sex with me?“

Disgusted and crying the woman replied "No of course not you pervert!“

"Fair enough“ the homeless replied "I‘ll wait at the bottom then.“

[MartG]

I've just noticed Casualty is up to series 30, and to keep it true to life, some of the patients from series 1 are just being seen!!

[Ultra Sound Guy]

One liners...
A coke dealer's biggest nightmare!

[Ultra Sound Guy]

That^^^^^^^actually got deleted by Faceache because "it's a family site!" I wonder how long it will last with the snowflakes on here?!

[ApOrbital]

Surely that's good for him?

[SeeFive]

Evangelion said:

Don't forget the Irish kamikaze pilot ...


... flew 38 missions.

...or the Jewish one. Crashed his plane into his brother’s scrapyard.

[MartG]

SeeFive said:

Evangelion said:

Don't forget the Irish kamikaze pilot ...


... flew 38 missions.

...or the Jewish one. Crashed his plane into his brother’s scrapyard.

Ooh - haven't heard that one for at least 7 hours

[MartG]

[Filton-flyer]

Another Bernard Manning one.....

A fellow walks in to a chemist and asks

"have you got any condoms this big"



"Don't be so silly" replies the pharmacist, "that would only fit a mouse!"

"I know" replies the man ........







"The fg house is overrun with them!"

[ApOrbital]

Eh-Oh.

[MartG]

ApOrbital said:

Eh-Oh.

RIP Simon