Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Doofus said:
I assume it's from the bible, and I've never heard it.
It's from a hymn, "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" according to Wiki, though I don't recall that name from Sunday School. See also:
Glory glory Hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler
The ruler broke in two
So she hit me with her shoe
And now I'm black and blue.
Trophy Husband said:
How do you know if your sister has put on weight?
You can't hear the radio when she's sitting on your face.
How do you know she's on?
Your dad's d1ck tastes different.
Wey-hey - the Macc Lads [lyrics] have entered the historical register that is PH!You can't hear the radio when she's sitting on your face.
How do you know she's on?
Your dad's d1ck tastes different.
Anyway, re the sick jokes earlier, an oldie I heard today, "Why is Heather Mills always banging on about landmines. Shouldn't worry her nowadays, she's half as likely as most people to step on one".
Jeff & Paddy have just returned from their working day out with the lorry erecting telegraph poles.
The Boss calls Paddy into his office and asks him to sit down.
“Now then Paddy” he says “I couldn’t help noticing that since you started working with us you don’t seem to be keeping up with the other men”.
“Well, what wud yer be meanin’ there Boss?” says Paddy.
“Take today for example” says the Boss “Jeff erected fifteen telegraph poles – you have only erected TWO - How do you account for that Paddy?”.
“Well !” says Paddy “I don’t want to criticise Jeff, he’s a very noice man – but have yer seen ‘ow much he leaves sticking outa the ground?”
.
The Boss calls Paddy into his office and asks him to sit down.
“Now then Paddy” he says “I couldn’t help noticing that since you started working with us you don’t seem to be keeping up with the other men”.
“Well, what wud yer be meanin’ there Boss?” says Paddy.
“Take today for example” says the Boss “Jeff erected fifteen telegraph poles – you have only erected TWO - How do you account for that Paddy?”.
“Well !” says Paddy “I don’t want to criticise Jeff, he’s a very noice man – but have yer seen ‘ow much he leaves sticking outa the ground?”
.
Paul Khaya said:
Jeff & Paddy have just returned from their working day out with the lorry erecting telegraph poles.
The Boss calls Paddy into his office and asks him to sit down.
“Now then Paddy” he says “I couldn’t help noticing that since you started working with us you don’t seem to be keeping up with the other men”.
“Well, what wud yer be meanin’ there Boss?” says Paddy.
“Take today for example” says the Boss “Jeff erected fifteen telegraph poles – you have only erected TWO - How do you account for that Paddy?”.
“Well !” says Paddy “I don’t want to criticise Jeff, he’s a very noice man – but have yer seen ‘ow much he leaves sticking outa the ground?”
.
At last, a proper joke that made me smirk! Well done. The Boss calls Paddy into his office and asks him to sit down.
“Now then Paddy” he says “I couldn’t help noticing that since you started working with us you don’t seem to be keeping up with the other men”.
“Well, what wud yer be meanin’ there Boss?” says Paddy.
“Take today for example” says the Boss “Jeff erected fifteen telegraph poles – you have only erected TWO - How do you account for that Paddy?”.
“Well !” says Paddy “I don’t want to criticise Jeff, he’s a very noice man – but have yer seen ‘ow much he leaves sticking outa the ground?”
.
StanleyT said:
Wey-hey - the Macc Lads [lyrics] have entered the historical register that is PH!
Anyway, re the sick jokes earlier, an oldie I heard today, "Why is Heather Mills always banging on about landmines. Shouldn't worry her nowadays, she's half as likely as most people to step on one".
An old, old one, Macca bought Heather Mills a plane for Anyway, re the sick jokes earlier, an oldie I heard today, "Why is Heather Mills always banging on about landmines. Shouldn't worry her nowadays, she's half as likely as most people to step on one".
her birthday, but she uses Immac on the other leg.
StanleyT said:
Wey-hey - the Macc Lads [lyrics] have entered the historical register that is PH!
Anyway, re the sick jokes earlier, an oldie I heard today, "Why is Heather Mills always banging on about landmines. Shouldn't worry her nowadays, she's half as likely as most people tostep hop on one".
EFA.Anyway, re the sick jokes earlier, an oldie I heard today, "Why is Heather Mills always banging on about landmines. Shouldn't worry her nowadays, she's half as likely as most people to
A few weeks ago, I was in the kitchen getting my dinner ready when I heard a light tapping sound on the back door.
I opened the door but there was no-one there.
Suddenly I heard a faint tinny voice saying “ ’Scuse me – ‘Scuse me”.
I looked down, and there on the doorstep was a snail.
The snail looked up at me and said “ ‘Scuse me, can you spare a sandwich for a poor hungry snail?”
I yelled “NO !!” and kicked the snail to the back of the garden.
Yesterday afternoon, I was again in the kitchen getting my dinner ready when I heard a light tapping sound on the back door.
I opened the door, looked down, and there on the doorstep was the snail.
The snail looked up at me and said “Why did you do that?”
(Please note: This is fiction - No snails were harmed during the telling of this story).
I opened the door but there was no-one there.
Suddenly I heard a faint tinny voice saying “ ’Scuse me – ‘Scuse me”.
I looked down, and there on the doorstep was a snail.
The snail looked up at me and said “ ‘Scuse me, can you spare a sandwich for a poor hungry snail?”
I yelled “NO !!” and kicked the snail to the back of the garden.
Yesterday afternoon, I was again in the kitchen getting my dinner ready when I heard a light tapping sound on the back door.
I opened the door, looked down, and there on the doorstep was the snail.
The snail looked up at me and said “Why did you do that?”
(Please note: This is fiction - No snails were harmed during the telling of this story).
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