Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
So there was this assassin that charged £10,000 per bullet,
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
Kenty said:
So there was this assassin that charged £10,000 per bullet,
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
Porsche guy said:
Kenty said:
So there was this assassin that charged £10,000 per bullet,
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
V6 Pushfit said:
Porsche guy said:
Kenty said:
So there was this assassin that charged £10,000 per bullet,
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
a guy hears about this and comes up to him in the pub one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges £10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, well I've got £20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
Bloke gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun. Looks at her and thinks wow! So he plucks up the courage and asks her if she fancies a bit of fun - she says 'no sorry I'm already married to God'
He says thats disastrous Ive got a hard on now.
She says sorry.
As he gets off at the next stop the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there, if you want to meet her again shes always goes to the chapel at 11pm' . Bloke says thanks and gets off.
At 11pm the Bloke is at the chapel hiding behind a bush wearing a white sheet and sandals.
Up comes Nunny, shuffling along in her hooded habit
He jumps out behind her and says 'hey Nunny, I'm god and I've come down to earth to consummate our marriage'
She doesn't look up. 'I'm sorry' she says 'its the wrong time of the month'
He says thats disastrous I've got a hard on now
'Well I suppose I could take it up the rear end' she says
When hes finished the Bloke feels disgusted with himself ... 'Nunny Im so sorry I have an admission - I'm not God but the man you met on the bus today'
She lifts her hood and says:
fine because I'm not Nunny - I'm the bus driver.
He says thats disastrous Ive got a hard on now.
She says sorry.
As he gets off at the next stop the bus driver says 'hey I saw you chatting up Nunny there, if you want to meet her again shes always goes to the chapel at 11pm' . Bloke says thanks and gets off.
At 11pm the Bloke is at the chapel hiding behind a bush wearing a white sheet and sandals.
Up comes Nunny, shuffling along in her hooded habit
He jumps out behind her and says 'hey Nunny, I'm god and I've come down to earth to consummate our marriage'
She doesn't look up. 'I'm sorry' she says 'its the wrong time of the month'
He says thats disastrous I've got a hard on now
'Well I suppose I could take it up the rear end' she says
When hes finished the Bloke feels disgusted with himself ... 'Nunny Im so sorry I have an admission - I'm not God but the man you met on the bus today'
She lifts her hood and says:
fine because I'm not Nunny - I'm the bus driver.
The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."
SD.
SD.
shed driver said:
The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."
SD.
That’s a neuf.SD.
shed driver said:
The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."
SD.
SD.
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