Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Doofus]

Crossflow Kid said:

simoid said:

Frank7 said:

Six with the French number jokes.

I’m sure we can expect a set of them in the near future.

Much more and we’ll have to start separating the eight from the chaff.

That's enough, you bunch of dicks.

[CopperBolt]

Doofus said:

That's enough, you bunch of dicks.

Succinct and well presented!

[Frank7]

Doofus said:

That's enough, you bunch of dicks.

Ah, but how many have got the onze?
Okay, who’s going to say douzens of them?

Edited by Frank7 on Tuesday 17th December 16:28

[nonsequitur]

Doofus said:

That's enough, you bunch of dicks.

Oh ! You do fuss Doofus.

[nonsequitur]

glenrobbo said:

How many times do I have to tell you lot to stop cracking puns on the Sean Connery Yolk Thread?
The thread for puns not yolks is ova there - - - >>>
All white???

This is the last warning.
I shell not tell you again

Enemy approaching. Bandits at 12 o' Cock. Scramble!!

[ApOrbital]

Oi i was poached until you said scramble.

[davhill]

nonsequitur said:

Enemy approaching. Bandits at 12 o' Cock. Scramble!!

Don't forget to put on your flying omlette.

[Halmyre]

davhill said:

nonsequitur said:

Enemy approaching. Bandits at 12 o' Cock. Scramble!!

Don't forget to put on your flying omlette.

Ova and out!

[silverfoxcc]

Well, I think I am going to have a good xmas. Was told that a girl I fancied was very particular on what breed of dogs she liked. So I asked her if she liked cocker spaniels.

She told me she liked both

[nonsequitur]

davhill said:

nonsequitur said:

Enemy approaching. Bandits at 12 o' Cock. Scramble!!

Don't forget to put on your flying omlette.

Exellent!

[Robbo 27]

I thought my girlfriend thought a lot of me, something special, she said I was one in a million.

I later found out that she meant I was one of a million.

[Sticks.]

My current girlfriend says I have commitment issues.

My last girlfriend called me a stalker. Well, when I say girlfriend.........

[Porsche guy]

Sticks. said:

My current girlfriend says I have commitment issues.

My last girlfriend called me a stalker. Well, when I say girlfriend.........

[Sticks.]

Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am.

The internet has turned into my girlfriend.

[The Li-ion King]

GAjon said:

shed driver said:

The are 2 cats on a beach on the south English coast. One is English - it's called One Two Three. The other is French - it's called Un Deux Trois. They are having a argument over who is the better swimmer, and they decide to have a race across The Channel to France to find the answer. So on the count of 3, they are off. After much paddling, One Two Three reaches France. He looks around the beach, and can't see Un Deux Trois anywhere. He asks another cat he sees on the beach about Un Deux Trois and this cat turns to him, puts his little paw around One Two Three's shoulder and says, "Sorry mate, but Un Deux Trois cat sank."

SD.

That’s a neuf.

[monoloco]

nonsequitur said:

davhill said:

nonsequitur said:

Enemy approaching. Bandits at 12 o' Cock. Scramble!!

Don't forget to put on your flying omlette.

Exellent!

I thought this was new -turns out they poached it from elsewhere

[davhill]

monoloco said:

I thought this was new -turns out they poached it from elsewhere

Oooh I never! What, are you attempting to grill me? Better albumen than you have tried.

Edited by davhill on Friday 20th December 19:14

[iwantagta]

I got my girlfriend a prosthetic leg for Christmas........

It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.

[GOATever]

Plod are out in force at the moment, looking for pissed drivers. I’ve been on the beers all day so I thought I’d better get a bus. I passed 2 patrols pulling people over and breathalysing them. Good job I was on the bus then. I haven’t driven a bus before, I’ve got no idea where I got it from, but I did get home.

[Laurel Green]

You must have been lucky as I searched for a 134 but couldn't find one - had to walk home!