How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
Budflicker: A question for anyone with experiance of the post menopause libido loss situation.
If your partner has lost total interest do they also just expect you to go without or is there an understanding that you can get it elsewhere?
Brave Fart: Assuming you mean that the wife has lost interest, and the husband hasn't.........well, I suppose it depends how much of a team the couple is. If they are still a team, they love each other enough to find a solution with which they both agree. That includes, but isn't limited to; abstinence, porn, a mistress for him, or separation. It's a problem that they need to solve together. Which is what marriage is all about, really, isn't it?
Brilliant question Bud and BF succinctly outlines the available options. This appears to be the essence of the lack of female libido debate, and it boils down to the quality of communication between the two of you. The love is more important than the sex but if a satisfactory compromise can be reached all the options are viable. Options one and two didn't work and we've talked about four. I don't think that would work either. Overall I think it would make us more miserable than the miserable periods we endure now, and it would make other people miserable too. We do want to be together but that is difficult sometimes with the issues described previously beyond our control. I know I would prefer to support her through all her ailments rather than walk away. Just forked out £4k on a private op in Jan to alleviate a very nasty physical condition which has really dragged her mood down recently. That would have paid for every mod my RS would ever need or a nice holiday but it was a no brainer skipping the NHS waiting list lottery.
That leaves option three then. It would need to be an overt third party surrogate, doesn't have the same ring to it as a mistress, but I couldn't handle the deceit.
@Sheepshanks! Is that really the ménage a trios etiquette? Where do you live? I hope so cus it would avoid looking at seedy websites and some of her friends are fit. It would save me a job for a change and save me a lot of wasted time and nervous energy. Maybe I should suggest she arranges some auditions? What could possibly go wrong? I will keep everyone posted with the result.
If your partner has lost total interest do they also just expect you to go without or is there an understanding that you can get it elsewhere?
Brave Fart: Assuming you mean that the wife has lost interest, and the husband hasn't.........well, I suppose it depends how much of a team the couple is. If they are still a team, they love each other enough to find a solution with which they both agree. That includes, but isn't limited to; abstinence, porn, a mistress for him, or separation. It's a problem that they need to solve together. Which is what marriage is all about, really, isn't it?
Brilliant question Bud and BF succinctly outlines the available options. This appears to be the essence of the lack of female libido debate, and it boils down to the quality of communication between the two of you. The love is more important than the sex but if a satisfactory compromise can be reached all the options are viable. Options one and two didn't work and we've talked about four. I don't think that would work either. Overall I think it would make us more miserable than the miserable periods we endure now, and it would make other people miserable too. We do want to be together but that is difficult sometimes with the issues described previously beyond our control. I know I would prefer to support her through all her ailments rather than walk away. Just forked out £4k on a private op in Jan to alleviate a very nasty physical condition which has really dragged her mood down recently. That would have paid for every mod my RS would ever need or a nice holiday but it was a no brainer skipping the NHS waiting list lottery.
That leaves option three then. It would need to be an overt third party surrogate, doesn't have the same ring to it as a mistress, but I couldn't handle the deceit.
@Sheepshanks! Is that really the ménage a trios etiquette? Where do you live? I hope so cus it would avoid looking at seedy websites and some of her friends are fit. It would save me a job for a change and save me a lot of wasted time and nervous energy. Maybe I should suggest she arranges some auditions? What could possibly go wrong? I will keep everyone posted with the result.
Edited by Dr-RS on Tuesday 26th December 09:08
Edited by Dr-RS on Tuesday 26th December 09:10
Edited by Dr-RS on Tuesday 26th December 10:10
Bloke turned up at work today and said “my marriage is over”.
Turns out they both almost knew post Xmas it’ll be over and the last last year they’ve just been plastering over the cracks in their relationship .
He actually seemed quite relieved that the deal had been done and it was Time to move on
Turns out they both almost knew post Xmas it’ll be over and the last last year they’ve just been plastering over the cracks in their relationship .
He actually seemed quite relieved that the deal had been done and it was Time to move on
limpsfield said:
Rick101 said:
Looking forward to the inevitable January divorce threads for my bookmark list ready for when someone tells me marriage is fabulous because their parents are married.
Happy Christmas Tiny TimFocusRS3 said:
Bloke turned up at work today and said “my marriage is over”.
Turns out they both almost knew post Xmas it’ll be over and the last last year they’ve just been plastering over the cracks in their relationship .
He actually seemed quite relieved that the deal had been done and it was Time to move on
Well that didn't take longTurns out they both almost knew post Xmas it’ll be over and the last last year they’ve just been plastering over the cracks in their relationship .
He actually seemed quite relieved that the deal had been done and it was Time to move on
Bobberoo99 said:
Pretty much as it was pre Christmas, just a little less tired and little bit fatter!!! Mrs Bobbers is struggling a bit with MIL but we'll be fine!
Thats pretty much a carbon copy of me!There were a few 'teetering on the edge' prior to xmas so after starting the thread i figured i'd see how it was all going
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.funkyrobot said:
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
fk this for life.
Have you got someone you can go and talk too? Someone to discuss things with away from the family may help you sort things out. Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.Bright Halo said:
funkyrobot said:
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
fk this for life.
Have you got someone you can go and talk too? Someone to discuss things with away from the family may help you sort things out. Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.The other one has never really liked my wife. I guess he could see through the chaff. I may give him a call soon as I haven't spoken to him for ages. He'll just say I told you so. He isn't the best for advice though as he is a serial cheater. He is also a bit needy and fell out with me a month ago because I missed one of his phone calls.
Bright Halo said:
funkyrobot said:
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
fk this for life.
Have you got someone you can go and talk too? Someone to discuss things with away from the family may help you sort things out. Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.Very much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
cossy400 said:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Very much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
Not even remotely comparableVery much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
cossy400 said:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Very much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
Totally understandable we all have our moments . Very much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
Work place bullying is more common place that firms have you believe I’ve witnessed it and to a degree have been on the receiving end too.
Definitely go see a doctor and get some help sounds to me you are stressed and depressed
funkyrobot said:
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
fk this for life.
Sorry to hear this must be extremely confusing and worrying not knowing when it’s all likely to kick off again . Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.Can you sit her down and explain what it’s doing to you ?
FN2TypeR said:
cossy400 said:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Very much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
Not even remotely comparableVery much this!!!
Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.
Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.
Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.
A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?
I was agreeing that he needs to see someone, and sharing my experience at the minute.
Was never intended to be a my problems are bigger than yours post.......
but hey thanks for your constructive comment, you ve been a great help.
funkyrobot said:
Still oddball central for me.
Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
fk this for life.
Sounds familiar. Please look up Borderline Personality Disorder.Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.
Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.
Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.
Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.
Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.
To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.
I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.
f
k this for life.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_persona...
https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/relati...
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