How Solid Really is Your Marriage

[fridaypassion]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Just NO! Do not go down that route.

Why not? Being poorer and having no sleep really pulls people together !

[Bobberoo99]

cossy400 said:

Bright Halo said:

funkyrobot said:

Still oddball central for me.

Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.

Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.

Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.

Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.

Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.

To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.

I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.

fk this for life.

Have you got someone you can go and talk too? Someone to discuss things with away from the family may help you sort things out.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Very much this!!!

Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.

Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.

Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.

A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?

There's ZERO shame in having the feelings you both have, admitting that you feel that way is the first step, and talking about it the next step, if you don't have a friend or family member you can talk to a councillor is a good idea and definitely go and talk to your doctor!!!

Funkyrobot- if your wife won't discuss the problems with you suggest that you both see a marriage guidance councillor, even bringing it up may make her take notice of how you feel.

Cosdy400- work place bullying is not only more prevelant than people think and it does a huge amount of damage, you have done the right thing by removing yourself from the problem, I'm sure your family would rather you be happier and change their lifestyle than you stay and slump deeper into depression.

[cossy400]

Bobberoo99 said:

cossy400 said:

Bright Halo said:

funkyrobot said:

Still oddball central for me.

Had some nice times over Christmas. Been doing a lot of thinking about what to do. Been emotional about what happens to our daughter.

Put a lot of weight on recently. Been annoyed with life. Been going to sleep late (like now) then struggling to wake up in the mornings. Been quite fed up with things.

Been trying to think it's ok as have had some nice time recently. Thought everything was ok.

Then, out of the blue, was shouted at, told off, told to do stuff we had planned to do recently my 'f**king' self. All over a tiny, simple little thing.

Hate it and hate what things have become. I really am doing nothing wrong and I'm being treated like a piece of dirt.

To top it all off, she wants another baby. W. T. F.

I'm crying as I type this with Mrs angry next to me in bed.

fk this for life.

Have you got someone you can go and talk too? Someone to discuss things with away from the family may help you sort things out.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Very much this!!!

Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.

Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.

Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.

A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?

There's ZERO shame in having the feelings you both have, admitting that you feel that way is the first step, and talking about it the next step, if you don't have a friend or family member you can talk to a councillor is a good idea and definitely go and talk to your doctor!!!

Funkyrobot- if your wife won't discuss the problems with you suggest that you both see a marriage guidance councillor, even bringing it up may make her take notice of how you feel.

Cosdy400- work place bullying is not only more prevelant than people think and it does a huge amount of damage, you have done the right thing by removing yourself from the problem, I'm sure your family would rather you be happier and change their lifestyle than you stay and slump deeper into depression.

Thanks Bobberoo. ive just got back from the docs, and hes prescribed some depressants and ive got some leaflets about speaking to someone.

I will start the course of drugs and see how it goes, but as hes pointed out, with the bullying going on for quite a while before I jacked the damage has already been done and me blaming myself for sticking up for myself is basically the fall out from that.

As id done all I could whilst at my previous job to avoid the problem people and it made no difference as they would just seek another way to get at me.

What is nt helping me at the moment either is I have polops in my nose and they are umming and arring about removing them.

Well having a blocked or runny nose all day every day is not helping one bit, so that's putting a dampener on my life aswell.

With regards to the speaking to someone, you d be amazed as to well of advice you receive and I have received from this very forum and that helps and in some ways is just the same as speaking to someone face to face.

I did start a thread when I jacked and all was well at the time but as times gone on, ive become to question how I ended up being the one they chose as such. (as I really liked my job)

Everydays a new day and I don't think my job helps as im a lorry driver and 11/12 hours a day alone or sat in a waiting room being tipped is probably not the best for me at the minute so I think im going to have to hit the drawing board and look for a way out.

Shame but I think its going to be for the best.

[Bobberoo99]

cossy400 said:

Thanks Bobberoo. ive just got back from the docs, and hes prescribed some depressants and ive got some leaflets about speaking to someone.

I will start the course of drugs and see how it goes, but as hes pointed out, with the bullying going on for quite a while before I jacked the damage has already been done and me blaming myself for sticking up for myself is basically the fall out from that.

As id done all I could whilst at my previous job to avoid the problem people and it made no difference as they would just seek another way to get at me.

What is nt helping me at the moment either is I have polops in my nose and they are umming and arring about removing them.

Well having a blocked or runny nose all day every day is not helping one bit, so that's putting a dampener on my life aswell.

With regards to the speaking to someone, you d be amazed as to well of advice you receive and I have received from this very forum and that helps and in some ways is just the same as speaking to someone face to face.

I did start a thread when I jacked and all was well at the time but as times gone on, ive become to question how I ended up being the one they chose as such. (as I really liked my job)

Everydays a new day and I don't think my job helps as im a lorry driver and 11/12 hours a day alone or sat in a waiting room being tipped is probably not the best for me at the minute so I think im going to have to hit the drawing board and look for a way out.

Shame but I think its going to be for the best.

Well done for taking that step and seeing your doctor, the tablets will take a little time to kick in but they will help, something else which helps is to focus on what you're doing/seeing/looking forward to, it's as much about keeping your mind away from the problem as it is keeping it in a positive place, when you've been through what you have it's normal for you to keep asking "why me?" "what did/didn't I do?" "what could I have done differently?", when in reality it's not you that was the problem, invariably it's someone else's issues being projected onto you. Have you sat and talked to your wife about how you feel, and I mean told her everything, she is the best person to help keep your mind in the right place. There are some really good techniques to help you focus your mind else where and stop it from going over and over the problem, a simple but effective one is to pick a subject (E.G. boys/girls names) and work through the alphabet using it for each first letter. As always keep being positive and remember, you're not alone, there are many in the same place. Chris

[anonymous-user]

cossy400 said:

FN2TypeR said:

cossy400 said:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Very much this!!!

Side note, I jacked my job 2 weeks before Christmas, got a new job pretty much straight away, (easiest money ve earnt) but the reasons I jacked (bullying) have caused me to think all sorts and ive started bursting in to tears for no reason whats so ever.

Im off the docs tomorrow to have a word and see what they suggest as ive never felt like this, it was a job I left moved on as you do, but I just feel so low and like ive caused me and my family a hard ship.

Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.

A very good friend of mine suggested a councillor but its not something I thought id benefit from, surely its just like getting it off my chest on here?

Not even remotely comparable

And where did I say it was??

I was agreeing that he needs to see someone, and sharing my experience at the minute.

Was never intended to be a my problems are bigger than yours post.......

but hey thanks for your constructive comment, you ve been a great help.

Guys correct. Talking to a shrink is a lot different to putting a post on here

[ApOrbital]

Not married next.

[FocusRS3]

ApOrbital said:

Not married next.

Maybe the wrong thread for you ?

[Symptomless Coma]

I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted

[Bobberoo99]

Symptomless Coma said:

I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted

Sorry to hear that mate, how long have you been married?

[FocusRS3]

Symptomless Coma said:

I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted

Can you work on things ?

[Wombat3]

Symptomless Coma said:

I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted

You'll be joining a long list of us who've been there more or less & unfortunately what's been said cannot be un-said. I sometimes wonder though if people who say such things have really thought it through - its pulling the foundation stone out from under a relationship with usually inevitable consequences.

If that's the objective then its the nuclear option for sure though I think someone you've been in a relationship with for a while probably deserves a bit more of an effort to fix things before you just spell that one out - but unfortunately it seems its all too common. You've been shat on there from a great height.

People do change though. I have no idea who my ex is any more as a person. Certainly not the same one I married 21 years before she blew it up. Having said the above, the token effort at Relate that I got was also bordering on insulting & just dragged things out. It wasn't a conversation she really wanted to hear/have, her mind was made up some time before....and then the "fun" started

[FocusRS3]

Wombat3 said:

You'll be joining a long list of us who've been there more or less & unfortunately what's been said cannot be un-said. I sometimes wonder though if people who say such things have really thought it through - its pulling the foundation stone out from under a relationship with usually inevitable consequences.

If that's the objective then its the nuclear option for sure though I think someone you've been in a relationship with for a while probably deserves a bit more of an effort to fix things before you just spell that one out - but unfortunately it seems its all too common. You've been shat on there from a great height.

People do change though. I have no idea who my ex is any more as a person. Certainly not the same one I married 21 years before she blew it up. Having said the above, the token effort at Relate that I got was also bordering on insulting & just dragged things out. It wasn't a conversation she really wanted to hear/have, her mind was made up some time before....and then the "fun" started

Christ .
You’d think after 21yrs of marriage youre safe !!

[magooagain]

FocusRS3 said:

Christ .
You’d think after 21yrs of marriage youre safe !!

No mate. No one is safe I'm afraid.

[FocusRS3]

magooagain said:

No mate. No one is safe I'm afraid.

So it would seem mate .

Hope you managed to move forward in your life after all that .
Can’t imagine even being apart from my trouble and strife

[Wombat3]

FocusRS3 said:

magooagain said:

No mate. No one is safe I'm afraid.

So it would seem mate .

Hope you managed to move forward in your life after all that .
Can’t imagine even being apart from my trouble and strife

If you mean me then yeah, I'm mostly all good My relationship with my kids is great & I have a new partner. Lots of regrets about how I ended up here but little point in chewing that over any more. I think you have to be an extraordinarily hard bd for it not to affect you though.....and not many of us are that.

[FocusRS3]

[quote=Wombat3]

If you mean me then yeah, I'm mostly all good My relationship with my kids is great & I have a new partner. Lots of regrets about how I ended up here but little point in chewing that over any more. I think you have to be an extraordinarily hard bd for it not to affect you though.....and not many of us are that.[/quote

Mate I’d be a total wreck for a v long time so good on you .
Being a Little nosey here but did she get nasty financially and has she now a new partner ?

[Wombat3]

FocusRS3 said:

Wombat3 said:

If you mean me then yeah, I'm mostly all good My relationship with my kids is great & I have a new partner. Lots of regrets about how I ended up here but little point in chewing that over any more. I think you have to be an extraordinarily hard bd for it not to affect you though.....and not many of us are that.

Mate I’d be a total wreck for a v long time so good on you .
Being a Little nosey here but did she get nasty financially and has she now a new partner ?

It cost a lot but it could have been a lot worse I'm sure. When you have been together that long you just have to accept she's going to get at least half, there is no point in wasting money fighting that. My legal fees were minimal. Hers, needlessly , quite a lot I think.

The whole process did little to enhance my view of the legal profession it has to be said. They don't "help".

Yes , she has also moved on. Found herself a doormat I think, but that's his lookout.

[g3org3y]

funkyrobot said:

Still oddball central for me.

...

fk this for life.

That sounds like an exceptionally difficult situation.

Something that has been building up over time? Does you wife understand how your are feeling (or have you not broached the subject)?

cossy400 said:

Its almost like im blaming myself, for sticking up for myself.

I remember the thread. You did nothing wrong and there's nothing you should feel guilty over (easier said than done). Your mental health is much more important than a (previous) job.

cossy400 said:

Thanks Bobberoo. ive just got back from the docs, and hes prescribed some depressants and ive got some leaflets about speaking to someone.

I will start the course of drugs and see how it goes, but as hes pointed out, with the bullying going on for quite a while before I jacked the damage has already been done and me blaming myself for sticking up for myself is basically the fall out from that.

The meds can be helpful. I'm assuming your GP prescribed an SSRI? Take about 4 weeks to kick in IME.

CBT is certainly worth doing if you have the opportunity.

Symptomless Coma said:

I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted

Bombshell. Is she willing to work at it or was it one of those "I've found someone else but FYI" type conversations?

Edited by g3org3y on Friday 12th January 22:49

[Bobberoo99]

CBT is certainly worth doing if you have the opportunity.

Mrs Bobbers did a course recently, it helped though not as much as it could have but then she has other issues going on, I think it really can help if you use it to It's full potential.
All the best for the future, and remember we're all here for each other!

[coanda]

Bobberoo99 said:

CBT is certainly worth doing if you have the opportunity.

Mrs Bobbers did a course recently, it helped though not as much as it could have but then she has other issues going on, I think it really can help if you use it to It's full potential.
All the best for the future, and remember we're all here for each other!

It very much depends on the person. I am not open to CBT as I consider it cheating myself and therefore never likely to work. The NHS offering really wasn't up to much, where I was, and the mental health professional in the surgery I attended sat there and immediately told me I was angry, and asked me why I was so angry? And it kind of went downhill from there. Therefore I chose to seek counselling outside of the NHS, and have made some pretty significant inroads over the past 15 months, to the credit of my counsellor.

Everyone is different, I specifically suffered from a very very poor female role model in the first 10 years or so of my life, and now have an instinctive distrust of women and their intentions, so happy marriage probably isn't on the cards for me, but, my father came out the other side eventually and has been with his 2nd wife for 25 years, and my brother who is a couple of years younger than me is recently married. So it's possible.