How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
Bobberoo99 said:
Cosdy400- work place bullying is not only more prevelant than people think and it does a huge amount of damage, you have done the right thing by removing yourself from the problem, I'm sure your family would rather you be happier and change their lifestyle than you stay and slump deeper into depression.
Late, but quoted because this is so true: and it can happen at any level, to anyone.My elder bro had one role with high-end, well-recognised educational body which went from a dream to the pits and saw him leave in under 18months (and ye gods, is he not a quitter): it was an abusive relationship, and the recovery from it (despite much support, and moving into a cut-above role that he still enjoys 9yrs later) took a full 3yrs to 'get over'.
Cosdy, you've done the right thing: onward, and upward
FocusRS3 said:
Can you work on things ?
I offered to go to a marriage counsellor, to spend more time with her (she has ME and is always tired) as I spend most of my time looking after the kids. She has flatly refused to talk to me as I will ask her questions. She’d told her dad that we had a disagreement but it wasn’t anything I’d done....g3org3y said:
Symptomless Coma said:
I thought my marriage was really strong, my wife told me Christmas Eve that she didn’t love me. Gutted
Bombshell. 
Is she willing to work at it or was it one of those "I've found someone else but FYI" type conversations?Edited by g3org3y on Friday 12th January 22:49
Symptomless Coma said:
No, she’s moved out temporarily to get some rest and see if she misses me. She started a new job, and a younger guy there was paying her compliments so I think her ‘head was turned’ to coin a phrase. I could be completely wrong. I am over thinking things but I guess that’s the hazard of not sleeping much anymore.
My sister suffers with ME too and sometimes for days literally can’t get out of bed so things can’t help you’re situation I’m assumimg ? If she’s moved out has she taken the kids with her ?
If she’s unwilling to talk it’s going to make things hard to resolve so maybe speak on the QT to her parents or a close friend and see if they can get to the bottom of it with her .
As for the ‘younger colleague’ don’t dwell on that just yet . It’s likely to be more the case that she’s worn down with ME, kids and work and then some knob pays her one compliment and it brings everything into question for a mad moment .
Give her space but equally go out and get yourself some new clothes and go out yourself IE don’t be a doormat. Absence with the sudden realisation that you may be able to move on may get her thinking about what she’s got .
Good luck
Symptomless Coma said:
Bobberoo99 said:
Sorry to hear that mate, how long have you been married?
It will be 10 years this September, we have 2 kids (8 & 6). She’s staying away to see if she misses me. What has been said to the kids? How long is her trial 'away' period?Symptomless Coma said:
No, she’s moved out temporarily to get some rest and see if she misses me. She started a new job, and a younger guy there was paying her compliments so I think her ‘head was turned’ to coin a phrase. I could be completely wrong. I am over thinking things but I guess that’s the hazard of not sleeping much anymore.
I hope that's not the case. Sounds like from what you said on the last page her admission came out of nowhere?FocusRS3 said:
My sister suffers with ME too and sometimes for days literally can’t get out of bed so things can’t help you’re situation I’m assumimg ?
If she’s moved out has she taken the kids with her ?
No, I suspect that the tiredness is also a sign of depression.If she’s moved out has she taken the kids with her ?
She left the kids with me, she said she’d have them tomorrow (staying at her dad’s) but picking them up after she’s had a lie in and then drop them back with me to give then dinner.
FocusRS3 said:
If she’s unwilling to talk it’s going to make things hard to resolve so maybe speak on the QT to her parents or a close friend and see if they can get to the bottom of it with her .
I’m hoping she will talk to her dad.FocusRS3 said:
As for the ‘younger colleague’ don’t dwell on that just yet . It’s likely to be more the case that she’s worn down with ME, kids and work and then some knob pays her one compliment and it brings everything into question for a mad moment .
Give her space but equally go out and get yourself some new clothes and go out yourself IE don’t be a doormat. Absence with the sudden realisation that you may be able to move on may get her thinking about what she’s got .
Good luck
ThanksGive her space but equally go out and get yourself some new clothes and go out yourself IE don’t be a doormat. Absence with the sudden realisation that you may be able to move on may get her thinking about what she’s got .
Good luck
g3org3y said:
Symptomless Coma said:
Bobberoo99 said:
Sorry to hear that mate, how long have you been married?
It will be 10 years this September, we have 2 kids (8 & 6). She’s staying away to see if she misses me. What has been said to the kids? How long is her trial 'away' period?[quote]
She told them that we’d had a disagreement, but I was quizzed by my youngest as to when mummy was coming home and I said I didn’t know. Further questions ensued to which I said she didn’t know if she loved me and needed space to think. Not a great moment in my life.
Symptomless Coma said:
No, she’s moved out temporarily to get some rest and see if she misses me. She started a new job, and a younger guy there was paying her compliments so I think her ‘head was turned’ to coin a phrase. I could be completely wrong. I am over thinking things but I guess that’s the hazard of not sleeping much anymore.
g3org3y said:
I hope that's not the case. Sounds like from what you said on the last page her admission came out of nowhere?
Yup, Christmas Eve at about 9pm I lent in to give her a kiss and she blurted Iit out, my world fell apart. We were down at my folks, she said that her dad could pick her up tomorrow (Xmas day - how to ruin Xmas for the kids for the rest of their lives). I had to pretend everything was ok for 4 days with some many questions yet she wouldn’t talk to me. 4 days with next to no sleep was tough. We got home, I slept in the spare room for 2 nights then she stayed with a friend while she sorted alternative accommodation. Now she is gone. She said that she needs space and mentioned a month, but as she won’t talk to me - you might have a better clue. Symptomless Coma said:
She told them that we’d had a disagreement, but I was quizzed by my youngest as to when mummy was coming home and I said I didn’t know. Further questions ensued to which I said she didn’t know if she loved me and needed space to think. Not a great moment in my life.
Symptomless Coma said:
Yup, Christmas Eve at about 9pm I lent in to give her a kiss and she blurted Iit out, my world fell apart. We were down at my folks, she said that her dad could pick her up tomorrow (Xmas day - how to ruin Xmas for the kids for the rest of their lives). I had to pretend everything was ok for 4 days with some many questions yet she wouldn’t talk to me. 4 days with next to no sleep was tough. We got home, I slept in the spare room for 2 nights then she stayed with a friend while she sorted alternative accommodation. Now she is gone. She said that she needs space and mentioned a month, but as she won’t talk to me - you might have a better clue.
That's pretty f
ked up timing and tbh (perhaps I'm being harsh) very selfish. However, the fact that she'd consider leaving you and the children on Christmas day rather than put on a brave face and make the best of it for the kids is telling imo.g3org3y said:
That's pretty fked up timing and tbh (perhaps I'm being harsh) very selfish. However, the fact that she'd consider leaving you and the children on Christmas day rather than put on a brave face and make the best of it for the kids is telling imo.
It’s fked up timing and tbh (perhaps I'm being harsh) very selfish. However, the fact that she'd consider leaving you and the children on Christmas day rather than put on a brave face and make the best of it for the kids is telling imo.ked up that’s for sure. I think she has made her mind up but is trying to justify it to herself. The way she is telling people “disagreement” is trying to defer blame from herself. I had a fun chat to my youngest’s teacher yesterday when I collected her, school now know as my youngest was saying why she was sad.Edited by Symptomless Coma on Saturday 13th January 07:15
Symptomless Coma said:
It’s fked up that’s for sure. I think she has made her mind up but is trying to justify it to herself. The way she is telling people “disagreement” is trying to defer blame from herself. I had a fun chat to my youngest’s teacher yesterday when I collected her, school now know as my youngest was saying why she was sad.
Mate I’m literally just discussing it with my wife she can’t believe it especially the timing .ked up that’s for sure. I think she has made her mind up but is trying to justify it to herself. The way she is telling people “disagreement” is trying to defer blame from herself. I had a fun chat to my youngest’s teacher yesterday when I collected her, school now know as my youngest was saying why she was sad.Edited by Symptomless Coma on Saturday 13th January 07:15
Sometimes it’s good to get a woman’s opinion on this kind of stuff as PH’s predominately men of course .
She said call her bluff , don’t agree to a month give her a short term ultimatum . Remember you have done nothing wrong ( obviously we are assuming there has been no previous issues).
No way can she bin the kids for a month going back and forth that’s terrible .
Wife thinks she is thinking of the guy at work and wants time to make a decision but if she’s given an ultimatum now then at least you know where you stand . It’s unfair to be left hanging it’s obvuously not good for your health and the kids .
I’d also not be shy in letting her dad know the full truth
FocusRS3 said:
Mate I’m literally just discussing it with my wife she can’t believe it especially the timing .
Sometimes it’s good to get a woman’s opinion on this kind of stuff as PH’s predominately men of course .
She said call her bluff , don’t agree to a month give her a short term ultimatum . Remember you have done nothing wrong ( obviously we are assuming there has been no previous issues).
No way can she bin the kids for a month going back and forth that’s terrible .
Wife thinks she is thinking of the guy at work and wants time to make a decision but if she’s given an ultimatum now then at least you know where you stand . It’s unfair to be left hanging it’s obvuously not good for your health and the kids .
I’d also not be shy in letting her dad know the full truth
I’ve told him my concerns and asked if he could talk to her. I doubt she will tho.Sometimes it’s good to get a woman’s opinion on this kind of stuff as PH’s predominately men of course .
She said call her bluff , don’t agree to a month give her a short term ultimatum . Remember you have done nothing wrong ( obviously we are assuming there has been no previous issues).
No way can she bin the kids for a month going back and forth that’s terrible .
Wife thinks she is thinking of the guy at work and wants time to make a decision but if she’s given an ultimatum now then at least you know where you stand . It’s unfair to be left hanging it’s obvuously not good for your health and the kids .
I’d also not be shy in letting her dad know the full truth
If she makes a decision now it would be to split. If we did get back together the relationship will never be what I thought we had, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Girls are up now, time to pretend I’m a happy bunny and get busy.
Symptomless Coma said:
I’ve told him my concerns and asked if he could talk to her. I doubt she will tho.
If she makes a decision now it would be to split. If we did get back together the relationship will never be what I thought we had, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Girls are up now, time to pretend I’m a happy bunny and get busy.
All the best keep us posted I’m sure my wife will be happy to help / give advice etc If she makes a decision now it would be to split. If we did get back together the relationship will never be what I thought we had, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Girls are up now, time to pretend I’m a happy bunny and get busy.
To the who’s wife just walked with ME. If you are primary carer for the kids and are living in the marital home you might have a chance. If you get the boot and she is the primary carer it’s going to end badly sorry to say.
If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
stargazer30 said:
To the who’s wife just walked with ME. If you are primary carer for the kids and are living in the marital home you might have a chance. If you get the boot and she is the primary carer it’s going to end badly sorry to say.
If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
My wife said the same thing about he being full or regret at a later stage although I question how hard a mother could be to leave her kids over Xmas that being such a precious time for children . If she has had her head turned I bet she will regret it and run back to you later once he gets bored of his girlfriend with ME and kids in tow. Just don’t take her back then or she’ll have a free pass to do it whenever.
Sounds like she has some confidence issues and being unwilling to work at them and your marriage means you need to protect you and your kids.
Sorry for the harsh post and but sincerely, good luck!
Obviously keep all this stuff detailed as it may prove vital from a legal stand point at some stage .
Some of what she’s done beggars belief and sounds downright nasty .
FocusRS3 said:
My wife said the same thing about he being full or regret at a later stage although I question how hard a mother could be to leave her kids over Xmas that being such a precious time for children .
Obviously keep all this stuff detailed as it may prove vital from a legal stand point at some stage .
Some of what she’s done beggars belief and sounds downright nasty .
She was supposed to collect the girls at 10:30 to spend the day with them, no sign of her yet...Obviously keep all this stuff detailed as it may prove vital from a legal stand point at some stage .
Some of what she’s done beggars belief and sounds downright nasty .
SCEtoAUX said:
Married for 26 years.
We're very well suited to each other and I agree that as long as blokes get fed, enjoy a few beers and the wife does the bedroom stuff we're generally happy.
26yrs together. Im her only fella...Not even kissed another which worries me in one respect, what if she has a crisis one day..We're very well suited to each other and I agree that as long as blokes get fed, enjoy a few beers and the wife does the bedroom stuff we're generally happy.
fido said:
Stuart70 said:
Marry someone you like as well as fancy?
This is the shocker for me - quite a few of my friends confessed to me that they didn't really fancy their partner! Obviously this was after a few beers, which I guess was the same state in which they proposed to said partner, but given that they are all reasonable looking blokes with decent jobs .. then again it is hard to find the right person .. and they'll always have a better looking sister/friend etc.If that was me I'd be worried. You don't go off sex you go off sex with your partner.
It makes us look like utter rabbits.
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