How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
Joey Deacon said:
Ari said:
When did you get divorced?
This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
The problem comes where the wife doesn't have enough equity and/or doesn't earn enough to buy another house in the same area. What do you do in that situation, the needs of the children are the most important thing. So the judge will most likely let the wife live in the house and the husband has to pay towards the mortgage. There will be no way for the husband to get his name off the mortgage as the wife doesn't earn enough to take it on so the husband is financially screwed. He will not be able to get another mortgage so will have to rent or live with his parents. Due to the amount of money he has to pay towards the ex wife he will be lucky to rent a two bedroom flat so his children can stay over one night a fortnight.This keeps cropping up and I've mentioned this before, but I recently helped a friend through a divorce, including going with him to see a family solicitor who was clearly very clued up on the process.
Her advice was that courts are far fairer on the father these days. She suggested he should expect a 50/50 split of the marital home (they had two teenage boys) with a worse case of 60/40. In the end, 50/50 was exactly what he got - and we're certainly not talking about wealthy people where 50% would buy a home outright, although it would fund a deposit each (I think there was about £120K equity to be divided up once all the debts, mortgage etc were settled).
The days of the penniless father and the wife keeping everything appear to be on the wane, thankfully.
The problem with divorce is that you need to run two households with the money that was used to run one household. I think a lot of women expect the same level of lifestyle with their new boyfriend without thinking about how the ex husband is going to afford to live. In my experience they think it totally acceptable for the husband to be living with his parents while she gets to live in the same house.
Divorce for most women is replacing the husband with the new boyfriend with no other changes in her life. Honestly for the majority of women it is no different to part exchanging their car for the new model.
Ari said:
Sorry, just thought I'd add a little levity..! 
But not just levity. I helped my best mate about 10 years ago. He had social services against him in the way described elsewhere in this thread. His barrister stopped representing him because he disagreed with him trying to get custody. We got a new barrister and the judge awarded full custody to my friend with visiting rights to the ex-wife. 
Blacksquid said:
But not just levity. I helped my best mate about 10 years ago. He had social services against him in the way described elsewhere in this thread. His barrister stopped representing him because he disagreed with him trying to get custody. We got a new barrister and the judge awarded full custody to my friend with visiting rights to the ex-wife.
Perfect . The picture that must paint to everyone else that the court awarded custody to the father and not the mother is very telling .
If you are ever asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" The answer could well be nothing. Some women, and I stress 'some', just regard relationships as a four year cycle. As this, albeit rather long, article says, some women enjoy getting married, but don't enjoy being married.
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
GliderRider said:
If you are ever asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" The answer could well be nothing. Some women, and I stress 'some', just regard relationships as a four year cycle. As this, albeit rather long, article says, some women enjoy getting married, but don't enjoy being married.
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
What utter sexist bIf either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
ks. So how about the many people that I know, including myself who have been with their other halves 18yrs+?
Ari said:
No reason why the father shouldn't be the primary carer, stay in the house and the ex wife live with her parents and fund it.
It's doable. I (a bloke) havefull custoday of my children and stayed in the family home.Never leave the family home voluntarily - you can be accused of abandoning the children.
Sa Calobra said:
GliderRider said:
If you are ever asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" The answer could well be nothing. Some women, and I stress 'some', just regard relationships as a four year cycle. As this, albeit rather long, article says, some women enjoy getting married, but don't enjoy being married.
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
What utter sexist bIf either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
ks. So how about the many people that I know, including myself who have been with their other halves 18yrs+?
Joey Deacon said:
Divorce for most women is replacing the husband with the new boyfriend with no other changes in her life. Honestly for the majority of women it is no different to part exchanging their car for the new model.
That should be changed to "removing the bloke with no other changes to their life" as another bloke is not always in the picture.These types of women want to keep the home as they have an established circle of friends nearby, short commute and so on, and moving could lose all this. Also forcing the bloke out of the house 'by any means' also allows them to let family/friends come to the conclusion that the bloke left her poor self, so she doesn't get judged for ending the relationship.
GliderRider said:
If you are ever asking yourself, "What did I do wrong?" The answer could well be nothing. Some women, and I stress 'some', just regard relationships as a four year cycle. As this, albeit rather long, article says, some women enjoy getting married, but don't enjoy being married.
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
Bloody hell. certainly some food for thought.
If either of my sons suggests to me they want to get married or buy a house with a girlfriend, I will be making them read the article first and asking them to tell me what it said.
https://mendontcry.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/rotati...
Bloody hell. certainly some food for thought.
mikefacel said:
It's doable. I (a bloke) havefull custoday of my children and stayed in the family home.
Never leave the family home voluntarily - you can be accused of abandoning the children.
A mate of mine ended up bringing up his 3 sons, he had left the family home on divorce and had always been a very involved father within a short time the boys chose to live with him, his ex-wife became a writer and on interviews described the struggle of bringing up 3 boys on her own with no support from her former husband, so shamelessly lied. Being a writer she never had any money to pay any maintenance either so it was all on him but he remarried and had a good job so didnt struggle Never leave the family home voluntarily - you can be accused of abandoning the children.
Sa Calobra said:
What utter sexist bks.
So how about the many people that I know, including myself who have been with their other halves 18yrs+?
I have been with my partner longer than that and its not sexist bks. So how about the many people that I know, including myself who have been with their other halves 18yrs+?
ks. Its easy to play the sexism card than to admit there is a problem, for the record I do believe in marriage, I think its the best way to raise kids and help them become health young adults, but the facts speak for themselves.Around half of marriages end in divorice
Nearly three quarters of those are started by the woman
In 95%+ of divorces the woman gets custody of the kids and the house
The man's financial status after the split is the lowest concern
Theres no sexism in that, its a shame as its messed the game up for the young men and women but worse still the future generations of kids.
The simple fact is guys now are simply saying no thanks (falling marriage rates). They know the game is rigged and the only way to win is to not play. Thats also why we are seeing movements like MGTOW.
Edited by stargazer30 on Monday 22 January 11:39
FocusRS3 said:
funkyrobot said:
I'm just learning how to adapt and just trying to let it go over my head.
The second baby thing is nibbling away at things though, I'm sure of that.
What are you letting go over your head can i ask? The second baby thing is nibbling away at things though, I'm sure of that.
t mental and falling out with me. 
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