How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
Sheepshanks said:
It's lucky you haven't got a proper job. 
But seriously, I just don't know how it's supposed to work for couples with time-demanding jobs who want kids.
Equally some cant stand too much time together and need their jobs to come home and have something to talk about.But seriously, I just don't know how it's supposed to work for couples with time-demanding jobs who want kids.
The wife and i can do everything together so ive no concern if i ever (pray to god) get the chance to retire.
Together for 30 years, married for 20. If I’m honest, I don’t think I love my wife anymore. We have very little in common now apart from the kids. We’ve both changed so much over the last 20 years. I know she knows I’m not happy, my face has a way of giving me away, but when she asks what’s wrong I tell her I’m not happy at work or I’m feeling crappy. She doesn’t push it because I don’t think she wants to hear the truth. I don’t want to hurt her so I plod on pretending everything’s okay. Thoreau could have been talking about me when he wrote: “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
toddler said:
Together for 30 years, married for 20. If I’m honest, I don’t think I love my wife anymore. We have very little in common now apart from the kids. We’ve both changed so much over the last 20 years. I know she knows I’m not happy, my face has a way of giving me away, but when she asks what’s wrong I tell her I’m not happy at work or I’m feeling crappy. She doesn’t push it because I don’t think she wants to hear the truth. I don’t want to hurt her so I plod on pretending everything’s okay. Thoreau could have been talking about me when he wrote: “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
How old are your kids?Plenty of couples break as soon as the kids have flown the next which is pretty sad IMO
FocusRS3 said:
toddler said:
Together for 30 years, married for 20. If I’m honest, I don’t think I love my wife anymore. We have very little in common now apart from the kids. We’ve both changed so much over the last 20 years. I know she knows I’m not happy, my face has a way of giving me away, but when she asks what’s wrong I tell her I’m not happy at work or I’m feeling crappy. She doesn’t push it because I don’t think she wants to hear the truth. I don’t want to hurt her so I plod on pretending everything’s okay. Thoreau could have been talking about me when he wrote: “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
How old are your kids?Plenty of couples break as soon as the kids have flown the next which is pretty sad IMO
Surely better that than the two alternatives, which is to separate with young children (although that's sometimes the right thing), or to never separate at all, and waste their own and each others' time.
Sheepshanks said:
I just don't know how it's supposed to work for couples with time-demanding jobs who want kids.
Huge issue - my wife works stupid hours in the financial sector, I'm much luckier in the public sector but occasional shifts. I was close to complete meltdown in the Olympics juggling a toddler and ten 72 hour weeks in a row. We're both only childs, and had our child later in life than average so absolutely no family support network. It's tough but we seem both appreciative of each other's efforts so in a strange way it has cemented our relationship.
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
There are some fantastically open responses on here, like many others we have recently been through very hard times, mine admittedly 11 years ago when a new manager started where I worked, was ok to begin with then we had an argument and he turned on me, spent the next 9 months making my life hell, we had a large mortgage and other debts and I was terrified of what was going to happen, and more terrified of letting my wife down, she sat me down and made me tell her everything, then promptly declared "Right the house goes on the market this weekend, we pay everything off and move into rented accommodation, you find a job you're happy with then we'll see where we are!!" It was a huge relief for me!!
Last year it was my wife's turn for me to support her, in 18 months she has lost her dad, been bullied at work and had a break down, her mum completely and utterly lost the plot in February and has since been diagnosed first with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder and now terminal bowel cancer, through all this the one thing which has kept us going is our ability to support each other, talk things through no matter how difficult and find LOVE and laughter TOGETHER!
Tumbler my thoughts are with you and your family, everyone else, this is what support and friendship looks like, being able to air your problems and have others help you.
We are also fortunate that we have fiends who are also a couple who have been incredibly supportive.
Last year it was my wife's turn for me to support her, in 18 months she has lost her dad, been bullied at work and had a break down, her mum completely and utterly lost the plot in February and has since been diagnosed first with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder and now terminal bowel cancer, through all this the one thing which has kept us going is our ability to support each other, talk things through no matter how difficult and find LOVE and laughter TOGETHER!
Tumbler my thoughts are with you and your family, everyone else, this is what support and friendship looks like, being able to air your problems and have others help you.
We are also fortunate that we have fiends who are also a couple who have been incredibly supportive.
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
Can you swap her half of the business for your half of the house, and take it from there?Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
Or leave her the business and start another one?
toddler said:
Together for 30 years, married for 20. If I’m honest, I don’t think I love my wife anymore. We have very little in common now apart from the kids. We’ve both changed so much over the last 20 years. I know she knows I’m not happy, my face has a way of giving me away, but when she asks what’s wrong I tell her I’m not happy at work or I’m feeling crappy. She doesn’t push it because I don’t think she wants to hear the truth. I don’t want to hurt her so I plod on pretending everything’s okay. Thoreau could have been talking about me when he wrote: “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
Very similar to a situation I’m in to be honest. But we are doing something about it. We only have one son and he’s almost 18. We are pretty much done after 21 yrs. Yes its sad, yes it can be hurtful, but it’s never too late to be truly happy. Even if the changes you have to make are, and will be huge. SpeckledJim said:
Can you swap her half of the business for your half of the house, and take it from there?
Or leave her the business and start another one?
Possible but lots of issues and I don't think she would allow it either she would probably derail that in any way possible.Or leave her the business and start another one?
Its made worse when you see your old friends on face book with their family and what not. Not much point in wallowing in my own pity though so I just get on with it.
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
Sod that for a barrel of laughs mate... you know you can be happy without a lot of money.Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
You sound thoroughly miserable right now.
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
If she hates you, perhaps she will agree to split up? You can still work together if an amicable breakup.Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
And can't you sell the business? With no kids, divorce will be much easier.
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
Would it not be possible to separate amicably as it sounds like you both feel the same and just be business partners ? Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
No kids involved makes it a whole pile easier
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