How Solid Really is Your Marriage

[FocusRS3]

funkyrobot said:

She finally calmed down and we talked later yesterday evening.

We have made some progress. She is depressed. Its mainly stuff she can change though, so we talked over some things and it felt like we achieved something.

I have some points to work on and will do so immediately. I have also told her she has my full support. I have been through the mental health grinder too so know what she is going through.

We are taking it one step at a time and seeing how it goes. I can't get overly happy and say everything is fixed yet as this isn't a quick fix.

Thanks to all for the advice.

Excellent news and a very positive first step .

Keep at it and keep us posted

[oldbanger]

Marriage is a great leveller of people. It’s about equalising assets and any disparity in finances, energy or effort will cost the person with the most to contribute very dearly.

[FocusRS3]

oldbanger said:

Marriage is a great leveller of people. It’s about equalising assets and any disparity in finances, energy or effort will cost the person with the most to contribute very dearly.

Agree . It’s also about huge compromises too.

Working though problems together and always being a team .

If you’re not a team you’ve not got a marriage

[oldbanger]

FocusRS3 said:

oldbanger said:

Marriage is a great leveller of people. It’s about equalising assets and any disparity in finances, energy or effort will cost the person with the most to contribute very dearly.

Agree . It’s also about huge compromises too.

Working though problems together and always being a team .

If you’re not a team you’ve not got a marriage

Agreed. A one sided relationship is never going to be optimal.

[xjay1337]

oldbanger said:

FocusRS3 said:

oldbanger said:

Marriage is a great leveller of people. It’s about equalising assets and any disparity in finances, energy or effort will cost the person with the most to contribute very dearly.

Agree . It’s also about huge compromises too.

Working though problems together and always being a team .

If you’re not a team you’ve not got a marriage

Agreed. A one sided relationship is never going to be optimal.

But then conversely you are no less of a team if you aren't married :-)
And less financial risk to both of you.

[FocusRS3]

xjay1337 said:

But then conversely you are no less of a team if you aren't married :-)
And less financial risk to both of you.

Not sure there is much difference when kids are involved ?

[Ari]

Jesus. Who needs all that st?

[anonymous-user]

funkyrobot said:

More of the same old same old

.

Your being taken for a mug. A complete sponge and the more you put up with it the more it will continue.
Sorry but endlessly popping on here and giving the latest update wont fix this st.
Only you can and to be frank if you do you do. If you don't your in for a lifetime of being taken for a ride. Sorry to be blunt but there it is. I know it sounds harsh and unsympathetic but you will end up ill

Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 24th February 23:38

[anonymous-user]

Ari said:

Jesus. Who needs all that st?

When was the last time you had any sort of sexual event?

[funkyrobot]

techiedave said:

funkyrobot said:

More of the same old same old

.

Your being taken for a mug. A complete sponge and the more you put up with it the more it will continue.
Sorry but endlessly popping on here and giving the latest update wont fix this st.
Only you can and to be frank if you do you do. If you don't your in for a lifetime of being taken for a ride. Sorry to be blunt but there it is. I know it sounds harsh and unsympathetic but you will end up ill

Edited by techiedave on Saturday 24th February 23:38

You are right. I've removed my posts.

[anonymous-user]

funkyrobot said:

You are right. I've removed my posts.

I know I sound hard, uncaring but I'm not actually like that. I have seen people wrecked because of ste relationships. Knew a girl who 25 years back was deeply into a messy relationship. She ended up being thrown out / taken back in rinse repeat. Spent her time sleeping on sofas. She pissed a few people off and only a few of her mates stuck with her. Myself and the then future Mrs TD were one set who did.
Eventually she simply broke down she no longer cared. She couldn't put up with the worry of going home seeing what mood he was in.

She sorted herself out and moved on. Funny thing at Xmas we saw her when she popped over here to catch up. Got around to discussing the old days. As she simply said What the fk was I ever doing wasting my time with him. He doesn't even register with her now he is totally insignificant. Played no part in their sons upbringing. Son isn't interested in him either

Eventually you will either have that moment of " ENOUGH" or you wont and your health will go downhill. If you do you will look back in years and think WTF. You deserve better. There is some good advice on here and noting down her mood swings keeping a diary etc is one.
One other thing don't think your child wont pick up on all the anxiety they do.
Its all a mess but its a page in a book and pages get turned. Light at end of tunnels etc

[Ari]

desolate said:

Ari said:

Jesus. Who needs all that st?

When was the last time you had any sort of sexual event?

Bizarre question.

[23rdian]

Not married and never would be but I have kids.

I guess that makes me a bit selfish but it's better than some of s**tshows on here. Unless there are young kids walk/fly away life is too short.

I really don't get why guys get married. It's literally to let her have her princess party. Maybe 50 ago maybe but not with the state siding with women like it does these days. You crazy.

1. metoo

Edited by 23rdian on Sunday 25th February 11:17

[Ari]

23rdian said:

It's literally to let her have her princess party.

Now that's not fair, it's not just a Princess party.



She gets a really expensive diamond ring too!



(Although in fairness, the man gets a... Oh.)

[FocusRS3]

md4776 said:

As someone who can relate I recently read this article (it's a plug for a book, but the article alone is a good read) . It's probably confirmation bias on my side but it taps into something I've pondered for years. By no means definitive but an alternative view, which gives cause to think about what can be done by individuals themselves: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is...

Good luck and I hope for a good outcome for you both; whatever that may be.

Good article that and very true in many ways .
Tks for posting

[fouronthefloor]

techiedave said:

There is some good advice on here and noting down her mood swings keeping a diary etc is one.

I hear this a lot and I just wondered why this is a good idea, considering the courts are not interested in who is at fault in a divorce case?

[Ari]

fouronthefloor said:

I hear this a lot and I just wondered why this is a good idea, considering the courts are not interested in who is at fault in a divorce case?

Very good question, I've asked similar myself for the same reason in the past. Didn't get an answer though.

[hyphen]

fouronthefloor said:

I hear this a lot and I just wondered why this is a good idea, considering the courts are not interested in who is at fault in a divorce case?

I think firstly for your defense, so if any abuse, or domestic violences claims are made.

Also of fighting over kids access, or social services get involved over risk to kids and so on you want to prove you are best to take custody of them.

I would think it wise to install a voice recorder app on phobe and leave on 24/7, video even better.

Edited by hyphen on Sunday 25th February 22:21

[jamesv81]

funkyrobot said:

As the poster mentions above, treading on egg shells is horrible. I genuinely fear what backlash is coming next. It seems I'm stuck in a cycle is miserable weekend, go back to work, miserable evening, go back to work etc.

I will join you, the last few weeks have been pretty hellish here and I can relate to the cycle thing!

[TameRacingDriver]

Ari said:

fouronthefloor said:

I hear this a lot and I just wondered why this is a good idea, considering the courts are not interested in who is at fault in a divorce case?

Very good question, I've asked similar myself for the same reason in the past. Didn't get an answer though.

Not an expert, but I would have thought for your own benefit than anyone elses. Sometimes you could forget how bad things really are, and being able to read it back rather than rely on (maybe poor) memory might give you the tools to make the right decision. It might make you realise how often you argue, how crap you feel, etc etc.