How Solid Really is Your Marriage

[tombar]

Thanks rovermorris, for the hope and positive thoughts. It has to work, we love each other and share the same plans....

[FocusRS3]

[quote=tombar]Thanks everyone. I think a big problem is that she's she's had 9 years to move on and get used it it .

Tombar can you elaborate on this a little more ?

[tombar]

FocusRS3 said:

tombar said:

Thanks everyone. I think a big problem is that she's she's had 9 years to move on and get used it it .

Tombar can you elaborate on this a little more ?

Back in 2008/2009 I was very suspicious that something was going on. She always denied it and my constant questioning wasn't helping, I also got lots of stress related health symptoms. She agreed to stop seeing him as a 'friend' and I decided the only sensible thing to do was to move forward. We moved on and have had a great last 9 years.

I didn't think about it in that time, had given her the benefit of the doubt, but on the way to a work event 2 weeks ago I drove past his house and saw it was for sale. A quick Google showed he'd died a year ago.

I told her. Turns out (weirdly) she had also found out he'd died this past month, when taking out soon for a music exam, she's walked the dog past his house and did the same thing re Google.... The fact she hadn't told me this made me suspicious and I had a look at her search history, then confronted her.

I totally believe she hadn't seen him since summer 2009. Or thought of him. There was no opportunity and her while attitude to our marriage improved hugely.

As a bit of salt in the wound now, is that they met when she was writing a book . I remembered that the there had been a piece of very unusual writing at the time that I found, about a woman having an affair. Rereading this now, is seems like a draft love letter to him, suggesting that he'd given her an ultimatum, me or him. (She chose me). Lots of loving words, very painful to read now. She says it was a fictionalised romanticised version of the truth. I'm not sure that I believe her. I'm also sure it isn't helpful to speculate.

So, she moved on 9 years ago, but I've just found out. Hope this message isn't too confusing.

[Robertj21a]

tombar said:

Thanks rovermorris, for the hope and positive thoughts. It has to work, we love each other and share the same plans....

Great attitude. Well done that man !

Hang on in there and time will do the rest.

[FocusRS3]

tombar said:

Back in 2008/2009 I was very suspicious that something was going on. She always denied it and my constant questioning wasn't helping, I also got lots of stress related health symptoms. She agreed to stop seeing him as a 'friend' and I decided the only sensible thing to do was to move forward. We moved on and have had a great last 9 years.

I didn't think about it in that time, had given her the benefit of the doubt, but on the way to a work event 2 weeks ago I drove past his house and saw it was for sale. A quick Google showed he'd died a year ago.

I told her. Turns out (weirdly) she had also found out he'd died this past month, when taking out soon for a music exam, she's walked the dog past his house and did the same thing re Google.... The fact she hadn't told me this made me suspicious and I had a look at her search history, then confronted her.

I totally believe she hadn't seen him since summer 2009. Or thought of him. There was no opportunity and her while attitude to our marriage improved hugely.

As a bit of salt in the wound now, is that they met when she was writing a book . I remembered that the there had been a piece of very unusual writing at the time that I found, about a woman having an affair. Rereading this now, is seems like a draft love letter to him, suggesting that he'd given her an ultimatum, me or him. (She chose me). Lots of loving words, very painful to read now. She says it was a fictionalised romanticised version of the truth. I'm not sure that I believe her. I'm also sure it isn't helpful to speculate.

So, she moved on 9 years ago, but I've just found out. Hope this message isn't too confusing.

Tombar Tks for explaining and no it’s not too confusing. Apologies for digging a little deeper but I wasn’t making sense of some parts of the story .

You’re right it’s not healthy to speculate and for all anyone knows she may well be telling the truth .
Sounds like nothing more than curiosity made her google his address and details. It’s clear she wasn’t seeing him during the 9yrs.

She has admitted loving him and having some form of relationship with him , that much you already know, So in that she is telling you the truth . You may always question weather there was a physical element to it but ultimately you’ll have to take her word on this.

I can understand why she did some research on him, I think anyone would do the same . I suppose that was her undoing really .

Moving forward- See the councillor, this will help you both move forward together.

I don’t subscribe to the idea of putting it all in a box somewhere in your mind as the box eventually gets opened . The only way is to break it down.

[FocusRS3]

tombar said:

Back in 2008/2009 I was very suspicious that something was going on. She always denied it and my constant questioning wasn't helping, I also got lots of stress related health symptoms. She agreed to stop seeing him as a 'friend' and I decided the only sensible thing to do was to move forward. We moved on and have had a great last 9 years.

I didn't think about it in that time, had given her the benefit of the doubt, but on the way to a work event 2 weeks ago I drove past his house and saw it was for sale. A quick Google showed he'd died a year ago.

I told her. Turns out (weirdly) she had also found out he'd died this past month, when taking out soon for a music exam, she's walked the dog past his house and did the same thing re Google.... The fact she hadn't told me this made me suspicious and I had a look at her search history, then confronted her.

I totally believe she hadn't seen him since summer 2009. Or thought of him. There was no opportunity and her while attitude to our marriage improved hugely.

As a bit of salt in the wound now, is that they met when she was writing a book . I remembered that the there had been a piece of very unusual writing at the time that I found, about a woman having an affair. Rereading this now, is seems like a draft love letter to him, suggesting that he'd given her an ultimatum, me or him. (She chose me). Lots of loving words, very painful to read now. She says it was a fictionalised romanticised version of the truth. I'm not sure that I believe her. I'm also sure it isn't helpful to speculate.

So, she moved on 9 years ago, but I've just found out. Hope this message isn't too confusing.

Tombar, hows it all going?

Also how is everyone else getting along now we are past the Post Xmas period when the brown stuff seems to hit the fan.

Hoping all good