How Solid Really is Your Marriage
Discussion
Bobberoo99 said:
There are some fantastically open responses on here, like many others we have recently been through very hard times, mine admittedly 11 years ago when a new manager started where I worked, was ok to begin with then we had an argument and he turned on me, spent the next 9 months making my life hell, we had a large mortgage and other debts and I was terrified of what was going to happen, and more terrified of letting my wife down, she sat me down and made me tell her everything, then promptly declared "Right the house goes on the market this weekend, we pay everything off and move into rented accommodation, you find a job you're happy with then we'll see where we are!!" It was a huge relief for me!!
Last year it was my wife's turn for me to support her, in 18 months she has lost her dad, been bullied at work and had a break down, her mum completely and utterly lost the plot in February and has since been diagnosed first with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder and now terminal bowel cancer, through all this the one thing which has kept us going is our ability to support each other, talk things through no matter how difficult and find LOVE and laughter TOGETHER!
Tumbler my thoughts are with you and your family, everyone else, this is what support and friendship looks like, being able to air your problems and have others help you.
We are also fortunate that we have fiends who are also a couple who have been incredibly supportive.
Great post and wise words Last year it was my wife's turn for me to support her, in 18 months she has lost her dad, been bullied at work and had a break down, her mum completely and utterly lost the plot in February and has since been diagnosed first with clinical depression and an anxiety disorder and now terminal bowel cancer, through all this the one thing which has kept us going is our ability to support each other, talk things through no matter how difficult and find LOVE and laughter TOGETHER!
Tumbler my thoughts are with you and your family, everyone else, this is what support and friendship looks like, being able to air your problems and have others help you.
We are also fortunate that we have fiends who are also a couple who have been incredibly supportive.
Lots of fascinating insights. I've never been married although I've had 3 proper relationships, 2 of which were 7 years long. They ended for different reasons which were for the most part probably my fault.
Having been single for the last 9 months, for the first time since I was 17, i can say without a doubt it's better being in a relationship. I have more freedom and can do more things on the spur of the moment but rarely have anyone to share memories and experiences with.
I'm not advocating staying in bad relationships but it has given me a new appreciation of good relationships and will hopefully make me a better partner next time (should there be one).
Having been single for the last 9 months, for the first time since I was 17, i can say without a doubt it's better being in a relationship. I have more freedom and can do more things on the spur of the moment but rarely have anyone to share memories and experiences with.
I'm not advocating staying in bad relationships but it has given me a new appreciation of good relationships and will hopefully make me a better partner next time (should there be one).
hyphen said:
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
If she hates you, perhaps she will agree to split up? You can still work together if an amicable breakup.Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
And can't you sell the business? With no kids, divorce will be much easier.
Octoposse said:
Sheepshanks said:
I just don't know how it's supposed to work for couples with time-demanding jobs who want kids.
Huge issue - my wife works stupid hours in the financial sector, I'm much luckier in the public sector but occasional shifts. I was close to complete meltdown in the Olympics juggling a toddler and ten 72 hour weeks in a row. We're both only childs, and had our child later in life than average so absolutely no family support network. It's tough but we seem both appreciative of each other's efforts so in a strange way it has cemented our relationship.
We met, 6 weeks later got engaged, and I buggered off to work in Africa for a year while she completed her qualifications. I came back 10 days before the wedding, we got married and both went to Africa for 2 years then came home to the UK.
Now married 36 years. Been ups and down, stressful times with kids (It isn't fun having a smackhead 15 year old son), money problems and wierdo relatives.
Absolute trust for each other, working together and laughing together just cemented that love at first sight thing. I just can't imaging anything better.
Now married 36 years. Been ups and down, stressful times with kids (It isn't fun having a smackhead 15 year old son), money problems and wierdo relatives.
Absolute trust for each other, working together and laughing together just cemented that love at first sight thing. I just can't imaging anything better.
Left my first wife for the risk of dating my now second wife ... I believe it was the best decision ever ... very strong and a very united partnership
Never looked back ... I do however get odd jokes about leopards not changing spots etc... but I don’t think that’ll be the case ever again now - I’m truly happy
Never looked back ... I do however get odd jokes about leopards not changing spots etc... but I don’t think that’ll be the case ever again now - I’m truly happy
anonymous said:
[redacted]
All of this is pretty much me and MRS400. very very similar, I get wound up, she just rolls with it and says it will be ok. Regarding social media, I go accused of aiming a post at someone from work, (I was grassed up by an ex employee, as I deleted everyone from work due to boring s
t stirring going on) (missed that one)Anyway a comment was made as to why ive a picture of my car as a profile pic, and not a picture of MRS400 "showing" her off.
My reply of ive no need as everyone that can see my profile knows "what" I have at home, ive no need to broadcast it.
Together 10 years and will be married in January (if they ever get me ring to fit, 4th attempt at the minute)
Ours is solid. Sometimes things can be difficult but we're both headstrong and complicated people; Its either a relationship that shouldn't work (on paper) or we're just perfect (idiots) for each other.
I think the mistake people make is not realising today isn't the world their parents grew up in, things are different in that we have the space and luxury to "experience" problems and question everything whereas the last generation just had to get the f**k on with life, they didn't have the time or permission to ponder life so made it work because it had to work.
I think the mistake people make is not realising today isn't the world their parents grew up in, things are different in that we have the space and luxury to "experience" problems and question everything whereas the last generation just had to get the f**k on with life, they didn't have the time or permission to ponder life so made it work because it had to work.
My threepenn'th for what its worth
My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
jamesv81 said:
Out of 10 probably a 2, maybe a 1. I don't think we are a proper couple any more tbh.
Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
There is more to life than money!Been together 15 years married 10, no kids.
She hates me with a passion, but we own our own business which we started after uni and does well and we were happy for the first 10 years or so.
But the last 5 have been hard, very hard. Business is fine but she has problems. She has driven my friends and family away. Sad situation to find yourself in given 10 years ago I had a great social life and now I have not seen anyone for several years. I would love to start again but I will basically be throwing away 15 years of hard work. I already know it would be a case of stacking shelves for the rest of my life.
Christmas is always a bad time as we basically just sit there for a few days, she will get p*ssed off her head most of the time.
BryanC said:
My threepenn'th for what its worth
My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
That must be incredibly hard after 36yrs of marriage . My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
Did you have kids together ?
FocusRS3 said:
BryanC said:
My threepenn'th for what its worth
My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
That must be incredibly hard after 36yrs of marriage . My wife died suddenly and very unexpectedly nearly 9 years ago after 36 years of happy marriage apart from the usual odd domestic tiff now and again. It was only when she was gone did I realise I think that I might have taken her very much for granted and now I wish I had thought differently.
As an aside, the biggest trauma I had was when she once found a lady's ear-ring in my car foot-well, not hers, and I had absolutely no idea where it came from. A lady passenger car-sharing going to a job or picked up by a shoe - who knows but such things could easily break down trust. It never went any further thankfully.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old lady friend friend from years back, her twice divorced and two other failed relationships under-foot and we talked about how things could have been different with what we know now. She insisted a 50/50 relationship was right but I repeated that if you approach things 60/40 and put more into a relationship than you expect to get out, then you won't go far wrong.
I still think its a good rule to follow.
Did you have kids together ?
The family bonds are strong with us all.
Life began to get better about 5 years ago but I find all my mates and 'girl'-friends are single and incredibly bitter about their failed marriages - it was never their fault. Looking back I think in many ways I was lucky.
Well mine ultimately went tits up.
Together 23 years,still technically married but been separated 4 years.
Main reason was I took her for granted. Unfortunately being an only child the role model I had was my dad and he was awful to my mum and most of that rubbed of on me.
There were other factors of course but ultimately it was me being a dick which caused it,and I regret that.
We are still really good friends as our split was amicable and we still care for each other.
We are both seeing other people now and it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner about how close we are when I first started dating again.
Basically my ex and I started dating young and grew up together. I saw her flourish in her career and encouraged her. I’m very proud of her and see her success as my success as well,rightly or wrongly.
But anyway,she seems happy now which is what matters the most.
Together 23 years,still technically married but been separated 4 years.
Main reason was I took her for granted. Unfortunately being an only child the role model I had was my dad and he was awful to my mum and most of that rubbed of on me.
There were other factors of course but ultimately it was me being a dick which caused it,and I regret that.
We are still really good friends as our split was amicable and we still care for each other.
We are both seeing other people now and it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner about how close we are when I first started dating again.
Basically my ex and I started dating young and grew up together. I saw her flourish in her career and encouraged her. I’m very proud of her and see her success as my success as well,rightly or wrongly.
But anyway,she seems happy now which is what matters the most.
I'm 29 and have just crashed out of a seven year relationship, we were engaged (no immediate wedding planned) and I can empathise with a lot of people here who were or are in difficult relationships
I worked with a chap who was 34/35 years or so married and used to say "you have to work at it every day young man", but it got to a point where we just didn't any more, we weren't even friends come the end I think, just two people living together. She started fking a work mate and only fessed up when the chaps wife found out and threatened to spill the beans to me, job done and now way back in my book, we had an amicable split regarding the finances/house and I was on my way - what's the point in getting mad?
I don't even think that I miss her, what I do miss and am gradually getting over is the routine/familiarity and idea of being in a relationship, the actual person I was in it with, she doesn't seem like such a big loss looking back
Maybe I'm kidding myself and I'll break down and cry at some point though - who knows? Sorry, I didn't even answer the question
I worked with a chap who was 34/35 years or so married and used to say "you have to work at it every day young man", but it got to a point where we just didn't any more, we weren't even friends come the end I think, just two people living together. She started f
king a work mate and only fessed up when the chaps wife found out and threatened to spill the beans to me, job done and now way back in my book, we had an amicable split regarding the finances/house and I was on my way - what's the point in getting mad? I don't even think that I miss her, what I do miss and am gradually getting over is the routine/familiarity and idea of being in a relationship, the actual person I was in it with, she doesn't seem like such a big loss looking back
Maybe I'm kidding myself and I'll break down and cry at some point though - who knows? Sorry, I didn't even answer the question
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