How Solid Really is Your Marriage

[FocusRS3]

Symptomless Coma said:

Yeh, it’s going to be a tough few months

Have you told her youre staying put regardless ?

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Blacksquid said:

But not just levity. I helped my best mate about 10 years ago. He had social services against him in the way described elsewhere in this thread. His barrister stopped representing him because he disagreed with him trying to get custody. We got a new barrister and the judge awarded full custody to my friend with visiting rights to the ex-wife.

Perfect .
The picture that must paint to everyone else that the court awarded custody to the father and not the mother is very telling .

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All quiet here for a while now so im hoping all is in order for everyone ?

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funkyrobot said:

I'm just learning how to adapt and just trying to let it go over my head.

The second baby thing is nibbling away at things though, I'm sure of that.

What are you letting go over your head can i ask?

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funkyrobot said:

The completely random moments of going bat st mental and falling out with me.

That must be hard to deal with not knowing when/if its coming.

My wife doesnt have mood swings fortunately

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TwigtheWonderkid said:

Neither does mine. She's in a bad mood constantly.

Maybe ive just gotten used to it!

In all seriousness i married a real Jem

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Ari said:

Hmmm... interviewed 123 women and 72 men - I wonder what percentage of those were happily married?

70-75% of divorces initiated by women? Well, quite possibly, but why does that prove it's mostly their fault? Maybe it proves that the opposite is true.

I do agree though that a lot of people (and I could believe it's overwhelmingly women) seem to want the wedding more than they want the marriage.

Agree once all their friends start setting dates the pressure is on!

That said most women just want security and fair enough

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funkyrobot said:

Mine is now stuck in a bad mood all the time. The last week or so has been horrible.

Everything is my fault. I can't do anything right. I'm interfering all the time. I'm getting constant digs. She even told me at great length how much she despises one of my friends.

Marriage is fun.

Its starting to erode me and I'm beginning to give less of a st about her. That causes further problems.

Has any form of marriage guidance Been discussed ?

Treading on egg shells is an awful position to be in. Don’t envy you

[FocusRS3]

It’s time to be frank and TELL HER how YOU feel and what it’s doing to you .

Ask her if she loves you and what she wants .
I think once you get those answers it may tell you which way you will be turning .

Good luck

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funkyrobot said:

I tried, again. It didn't go well.

She got really angry with me. Started swearing at me. Stormed off and said 'i'll fking leave then because that's what you want.'

Told me I can have the house and everything as that is clearly what I want.

This is bullst. I simply cannot talk to her. She gets angry, starts stomping around and throws accusations at me. I'm the problem, apparently.

What can you do when you can't even talk to your wife?

You’ve hit a very big crossroads there but if you want to move things along and know where you stand you have to persevere .
I’m sute eventually she’ll open up then all will become apparent

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Symptomless Coma said:

She’s agreed to me buying her out, and currently at a value that doesn’t leave me penniless.

She’s admitted that she has a thing for the person she was chatting to and that they’ve kissed.

She has (in my opinion) only admitted it because she was spotted at a restaurant with him by one of the school mums. He’s married also.

I’m still not sleeping but the constant feeling of an impending heart attack has diminished.

Ok well at least you have gotten to the bottom of it.

So who will have custody of the kids?

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Symptomless Coma said:

They’re with me currently, then it’s 50:50 when she buys a house.

I’m pushing to get everything sorted asap, she was dragging her feet but now interest rates are looking to go up she wants it sorted quickly too.
She is now restricted because I have to close out our joint mortgage before she can even start.

I just don’t have the time for the gym, looking after two young children and a full time job doesn’t leave much ‘free’ time.

Least you know its moving along and soon enough you'll have a new set up. Always better to know where you stand rather than being totally in limbo as you were previously.

Hope it all works out for you

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Symptomless Coma said:

Cheers, I’m sure in a years time I’ll be in a better position. I must admit that the last few years have been tough and have felt like I have been a single parent due to my (ex)wife’s tiredness.

Once you have sorted the living arrangements and the kids are settled into a routine then focus on yourself for a while.
Maybe get out there on the dating scene again

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funkyrobot said:

She finally calmed down and we talked later yesterday evening.

We have made some progress. She is depressed. Its mainly stuff she can change though, so we talked over some things and it felt like we achieved something.

I have some points to work on and will do so immediately. I have also told her she has my full support. I have been through the mental health grinder too so know what she is going through.

We are taking it one step at a time and seeing how it goes. I can't get overly happy and say everything is fixed yet as this isn't a quick fix.

Thanks to all for the advice.

Excellent news and a very positive first step .

Keep at it and keep us posted

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oldbanger said:

Marriage is a great leveller of people. It’s about equalising assets and any disparity in finances, energy or effort will cost the person with the most to contribute very dearly.

Agree . It’s also about huge compromises too.

Working though problems together and always being a team .

If you’re not a team you’ve not got a marriage

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xjay1337 said:

But then conversely you are no less of a team if you aren't married :-)
And less financial risk to both of you.

Not sure there is much difference when kids are involved ?

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md4776 said:

As someone who can relate I recently read this article (it's a plug for a book, but the article alone is a good read) . It's probably confirmation bias on my side but it taps into something I've pondered for years. By no means definitive but an alternative view, which gives cause to think about what can be done by individuals themselves: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is...

Good luck and I hope for a good outcome for you both; whatever that may be.

Good article that and very true in many ways .
Tks for posting

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Funky robot and symptomless coma how’s things going ?

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SeeFive said:

Well, here I am.

At the end of 3 and a half years separated, the stupidly large house she has lived in alone over that period which has been a millstone around my neck sold today. Decree absolute arrived about 3 weeks ago. You could say she delayed things just a little bit I guess...

I am absolutely thrilled despite it costing me a (very) large six figure sum compared to if I had stayed with her.

New squeeze is a corker in every way. Best decision I ever made.

Edited by SeeFive on Friday 16th March 17:30

Good man glad to hear it.

The other thread I’m assuming got closed down at the request of the OP.
For the best i should imagine .

Still waiting for an update on the other 2 guys ?

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tombar said:

Me too now. Just found out that my wife had an affair 10 years ago. I'd my suspicions at the time but it all seemed to resolve itself and we have had mostly a good marriage - 22 years in, 2 lovely sons of 20 and 16.

So I found out that this 'friend' had died. She had known but hadn't told me, which raised suspicions. A quick (shameful) look at her search history brought up "Stories about affair and the man died". Subtle.

Anyway, it all came out. She was in love with him - which is the bit that hurts so much. Affair lasted maybe a year. She says not sexual - I don't think I believe her. It was all 9 years ago and I believe her that she broke it off and has been faithful ever since.

Anyway - I don't know what to feel. She is very remorseful and wants to fix things. I don't fancy a life alone at 52. Has anyone brought it back from the brink - and how? Not looking for Snakes with .....answers....

Thanks

Tricky one and no easy answers I'm afraid .

Not sure I understand being in love with someone and having an affair but no sex ?

It's often the deceit that's the worse in these situations