Things that annoy you beyond reason...(Vol 5)
Discussion
captain_cynic said:
Slow people at ATMs.
These are not new inventions, we've had them for 50 years. They aren't complex, you have at the very most 8 options, usually no more than 3 or 4. Its not like you accidentally go to an ATM either, you should know exactly what you're there for and how to get it by the time you arrive. There is absolutely no reason to dither at an ATM.
People who do this, and then the upgraded version of themselves that put the card back in again after each transaction or use multiple cards regardless of the queue forming. Don’t do your banking at night in the cold when people behind you want beer tokens.These are not new inventions, we've had them for 50 years. They aren't complex, you have at the very most 8 options, usually no more than 3 or 4. Its not like you accidentally go to an ATM either, you should know exactly what you're there for and how to get it by the time you arrive. There is absolutely no reason to dither at an ATM.
Still on the train home so clothed, generic work suit and a fleecy jacket.
captain_cynic said:
Johnspex said:
Rostfritt said:
Lemming Train said:
Shakermaker said:
Many years ago on a night out, and when my inhibitions were somewhat loose, we were heading between pubs when my mate stopped to use the cash point. It was cold, and so in the faff of him taking his gloves off to be able to use the screen I decided to "help" him out instead. Thinking it would be funny (which it was) I typed "cash - other amount" and then as he kept saying "Don't do that Alex, stop being a dick" etc, I typed in £1,000, expecting it to just say "computer says no"
He wasn't happy, as he was using his credit card, with the high rate being applied to cash withdrawls meaning it cost him around £40 extra to withdraw that...
£1000 from an ATM? He wasn't happy, as he was using his credit card, with the high rate being applied to cash withdrawls meaning it cost him around £40 extra to withdraw that...
Unless you specifically ask for higher amounts with the card issuer I believe the max withdrawal is capped at £250.https://www.dieboldnixdorf.com/-/media/diebold/die...
I'm sure others will have different limitations.
£1000 is 50 x £20 notes.
Used to work in ATM/Point Of Sale install and maintenance... but that was many years ago and in another country.
I have done $3500 in one go from an ATM in Vegas a few years ago though which was impressive although only 35 bills
captain_cynic said:
There are many different types of ATM/Cashpoint that will have different capabilities... A quick google shows this Diebold model will dispense up to 60 notes at a time.
https://www.dieboldnixdorf.com/-/media/diebold/die...
I'm sure others will have different limitations.
£1000 is 50 x £20 notes.
Used to work in ATM/Point Of Sale install and maintenance... but that was many years ago and in another country.
I knew I was feeling poor when I visited Soller in Majorca.https://www.dieboldnixdorf.com/-/media/diebold/die...
I'm sure others will have different limitations.
£1000 is 50 x £20 notes.
Used to work in ATM/Point Of Sale install and maintenance... but that was many years ago and in another country.
And then I went to get some cash out.
davhill said:
On average, it's 15 per day. Of what do I speak? Choccy Hobnobs? Fags? Tinnies? No, I am referring to farts, trumps, anal announcements, trouser coughs. We can all produce such a quantity every day and of course, averages aren't maxima.
However, the mobile sewage plants that get right up my nose in a literal sense are those individuals that emit a secret waft in places where the freshening wind doesn't blow. Newsagents' magazine displays, Boots' cough drop aisles, Aldi's aisle of dreams, they're everywhere. And it's inexplicable; those responding to an unexpected command...'blow tanks'...invariably produce a trailer of the worst possible kind. It's always a glutinous guff that violates the sinuses and hangs on with talons of steel.
Being a smoker, I can be fined, prosecuted and otherwise penalised for lighting up in the wrong place. But exponents of the Vaterland can let fly with impunity.
My mind naturally turned to potential solutions to such antisocial expulsions. A compulsory butt plug employing activated charcoal? No, I came up with a superior two-stage strategy.
Stage one is a warning stage. Rather like a klaxon, it allows those of us in the fallout zone to move quickly in the direction of away. Perhaps appropriately, I first thought of a police whistle.There is also a thing called a firedamp whistle, which is set off by the noxious gases in mines. Whether one can detect sulphuretted hydrogen is as yet unknown. That said, we can forget the chemistry for now. All that's needed is a siren whistle ( as used in Supertramp's 'Logical Song.'). Yes, the pressure is there, the gas flow is matchless, let's use them.
Stage two is of necessity more drastic. Like crims are tagged at all times, serial offenders should be made to wear this item. As above, it's butt plug-like but this time, it's high tech. When fitted, the unit's internal capacitor is charged by the caramel-chewing action of walking. When discharge occurs, the unit can detect the composition of the kind of parp that allows others to identify last night's dinner.
At this point, the unit deploys. No, there isn't a chemical filtration, nor does of fart-isolating airbag appear. Instead, the capacitor is triggered to produce a spark at a pair of contacts. We've all seen a jet fighter's flameout, you get the picture. We all know that energy can only be converted; here it's converted in a useful way.
Seeing a person with a charred anal area and no hair at the back means we know whom to avoid. After all, he or she can produce the archetypal horse choking fart.
Do not, under any circumstance, follow me around a branch of HMV. However, the mobile sewage plants that get right up my nose in a literal sense are those individuals that emit a secret waft in places where the freshening wind doesn't blow. Newsagents' magazine displays, Boots' cough drop aisles, Aldi's aisle of dreams, they're everywhere. And it's inexplicable; those responding to an unexpected command...'blow tanks'...invariably produce a trailer of the worst possible kind. It's always a glutinous guff that violates the sinuses and hangs on with talons of steel.
Being a smoker, I can be fined, prosecuted and otherwise penalised for lighting up in the wrong place. But exponents of the Vaterland can let fly with impunity.
My mind naturally turned to potential solutions to such antisocial expulsions. A compulsory butt plug employing activated charcoal? No, I came up with a superior two-stage strategy.
Stage one is a warning stage. Rather like a klaxon, it allows those of us in the fallout zone to move quickly in the direction of away. Perhaps appropriately, I first thought of a police whistle.There is also a thing called a firedamp whistle, which is set off by the noxious gases in mines. Whether one can detect sulphuretted hydrogen is as yet unknown. That said, we can forget the chemistry for now. All that's needed is a siren whistle ( as used in Supertramp's 'Logical Song.'). Yes, the pressure is there, the gas flow is matchless, let's use them.
Stage two is of necessity more drastic. Like crims are tagged at all times, serial offenders should be made to wear this item. As above, it's butt plug-like but this time, it's high tech. When fitted, the unit's internal capacitor is charged by the caramel-chewing action of walking. When discharge occurs, the unit can detect the composition of the kind of parp that allows others to identify last night's dinner.
At this point, the unit deploys. No, there isn't a chemical filtration, nor does of fart-isolating airbag appear. Instead, the capacitor is triggered to produce a spark at a pair of contacts. We've all seen a jet fighter's flameout, you get the picture. We all know that energy can only be converted; here it's converted in a useful way.
Seeing a person with a charred anal area and no hair at the back means we know whom to avoid. After all, he or she can produce the archetypal horse choking fart.
Edited by davhill on Thursday 17th January 18:39
Regardless of meals eaten, prior visits to the bathroom or anything else, I cannot help but let rip with some of the worst farts you can encounter whilst I casually flick through the racks of CDs and DVDs hunting for any bargain.
I think it is a defensive mechanism against the rancid body odour of the type of person that works in HMV..
Shakermaker said:
Do not, under any circumstance, follow me around a branch of HMV.
Regardless of meals eaten, prior visits to the bathroom or anything else, I cannot help but let rip with some of the worst farts you can encounter whilst I casually flick through the racks of CDs and DVDs hunting for any bargain.
I think it is a defensive mechanism against the rancid body odour of the type of person that works in HMV..
Call me council, but that's the fun of going to shops where you'd never normally buy anything. Dropping some room clearing gas and casually sauntering out. I especially enjoy arty/hipster shops where they have some kind of incense going and overpowering that with delicate aroma of last nights curry. Regardless of meals eaten, prior visits to the bathroom or anything else, I cannot help but let rip with some of the worst farts you can encounter whilst I casually flick through the racks of CDs and DVDs hunting for any bargain.
I think it is a defensive mechanism against the rancid body odour of the type of person that works in HMV..
captain_cynic said:
Call me council, but that's the fun of going to shops where you'd never normally buy anything. Dropping some room clearing gas and casually sauntering out. I especially enjoy arty/hipster shops where they have some kind of incense going and overpowering that with delicate aroma of last nights curry.
I dropped one in the baby section of Smiths Toy Superstore last week, when I thought I was the only customer in the area. Reaching down to pick up a travel high chair, and out it came. And then, about 9 seconds later, I see a young woman walk into the aisle. There is no way she will have mistaken the smell for any accident arising from my daughter's nappy... so I know she probably silently cursed me for leaving her with that.
People who are unable to answer a simple question without trying to belittle both the questioner and everyone else who has offered an answer 
OK, we get it, you may have some inside knowledge, but that's no excuse for being a d
head when you choose to divulge information to us mere mortals
OK, we get it, you may have some inside knowledge, but that's no excuse for being a d
head when you choose to divulge information to us mere mortals 
fatboy18 said:
MPs ALL should be totally accountable for outright lies, B Johnson a prime example. These people are elected by people to represent them. They should be accountable in the law courts in my book.
it might make them think twice before they come out with outright lies.
Let's start with something simpler. Weather forecasters. it might make them think twice before they come out with outright lies.
If their forecast for the following day turns out not to be correct, they have to appear the following evening, prior to the next forecast, apologise, cry a little, and then run themselves through with a sword.
Shakermaker said:
captain_cynic said:
Call me council, but that's the fun of going to shops where you'd never normally buy anything. Dropping some room clearing gas and casually sauntering out. I especially enjoy arty/hipster shops where they have some kind of incense going and overpowering that with delicate aroma of last nights curry.
I dropped one in the baby section of Smiths Toy Superstore last week, when I thought I was the only customer in the area. Reaching down to pick up a travel high chair, and out it came. And then, about 9 seconds later, I see a young woman walk into the aisle. There is no way she will have mistaken the smell for any accident arising from my daughter's nappy... so I know she probably silently cursed me for leaving her with that.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff