Having another kid - Already have 2 boys. Am I mental?
Discussion
My Mrs says she is done at 2, one boy and one girl, 5 and 3 which is perfect, however i'm open to the idea of more as they are addictive little things.
Every single day they crack me up. This morning my daughter asked why the windows don't go down in the back of my car (sliding doors). I said "umm just because" as explaining the technicalities of it would have left her confused. She replied " is it because you have a rubbish car dad?"
A lot of people can't wait to get their old life back, and so want them to be adults as quickly as possible, however my old life wasn't much to write home about, so for me I don't want this to end. I will no doubt get broody when they are up towards the age of 10.
Every single day they crack me up. This morning my daughter asked why the windows don't go down in the back of my car (sliding doors). I said "umm just because" as explaining the technicalities of it would have left her confused. She replied " is it because you have a rubbish car dad?"
A lot of people can't wait to get their old life back, and so want them to be adults as quickly as possible, however my old life wasn't much to write home about, so for me I don't want this to end. I will no doubt get broody when they are up towards the age of 10.
El stovey said:
Puggit said:
You'll be changing from man to man marking, crossing to zonal marking. <shudder>
Thank god we had one of each and could stop!
You don’t mark them like equals you dominate them like you dominate the stairs.Thank god we had one of each and could stop!
Treat them like dogs. Reward good behaviour, punish bad behaviour, be consistent treat them equally..
HTP99 said:
Fair enough, I think my judgement is clouded somewhat as I had mine very young, I'm 43 and have a 25 yo and my youngest is 18, both myself and the wife decided a long time ago that we didn't want more and subsequently I had the snip in my early 30's and haven't regretted it, although my GP was reluctant to refer me for a while, due to my age.
My GP was also reluctant, had to make x3 appointments over a period of time before i could get referred and i was 27 when i had the snip.We have 3 boys, each 2 years apart, 8, 6 and 4.
My wife and I both grew up in families with 3 kids and that's what we discussed before we had any. Maybe we'd have liked to have had a girl amongst them but in a lot of ways boys are easier I gather and having all the same has advantages. My father was the youngest of 5 boys - we weren't going to have more to chase getting a girl one.
Practically speaking it works for us because we'd always had it mind. We're lucky in having enough to get by comfortably, we bought a big enough house, we're not thinking about private schools, we have cars that work for us (e-class estate 7 seater + a-class with multi-mac 6 seater). We don't have grand parents on tap or any other family support, but get by fine. We decided long ago that we didn't want to sub-contract out bringing up the children, so my wife hasn't worked since the eldest was born in 2009, if it suits us once the 4 yr old is at school full time that might change, but it doesn't have to because we've not built everything up round needing a second income.
To me the most important thing is family. I love my sisters and my parents and always wanted my own family - without that, for me, there would be a gaping hole in life. to see the little ones growing up is priceless and I can't wait to see what they will achieve in life. Jobs, money, houses, money trinkets... all the rest of it is just window dressing in a lot of ways once basic needs are me - the experiences we have and the joys of family life are the real reward. The novelty of "things" tends to wear off very quickly so I don't miss the extra star in the hotel we could get or the slightly newer car or whatever.
If you think you can manage three, I say go for it, commit and love your choice!
My wife and I both grew up in families with 3 kids and that's what we discussed before we had any. Maybe we'd have liked to have had a girl amongst them but in a lot of ways boys are easier I gather and having all the same has advantages. My father was the youngest of 5 boys - we weren't going to have more to chase getting a girl one.
Practically speaking it works for us because we'd always had it mind. We're lucky in having enough to get by comfortably, we bought a big enough house, we're not thinking about private schools, we have cars that work for us (e-class estate 7 seater + a-class with multi-mac 6 seater). We don't have grand parents on tap or any other family support, but get by fine. We decided long ago that we didn't want to sub-contract out bringing up the children, so my wife hasn't worked since the eldest was born in 2009, if it suits us once the 4 yr old is at school full time that might change, but it doesn't have to because we've not built everything up round needing a second income.
To me the most important thing is family. I love my sisters and my parents and always wanted my own family - without that, for me, there would be a gaping hole in life. to see the little ones growing up is priceless and I can't wait to see what they will achieve in life. Jobs, money, houses, money trinkets... all the rest of it is just window dressing in a lot of ways once basic needs are me - the experiences we have and the joys of family life are the real reward. The novelty of "things" tends to wear off very quickly so I don't miss the extra star in the hotel we could get or the slightly newer car or whatever.
If you think you can manage three, I say go for it, commit and love your choice!
Yipper said:
There are ~7,000,000,000,000 people and ~10,000,000 robots on Earth and growing like wildfire and Western families really shouldn't be adding to the impending overpopulation. One or two kids is plenty. If you have a gap in your life, get a hobby.
Like posting s
t on PH for example?
Very similar situation to OP.
Both 36.
Partner comes from a family of 3 sisters and had always wanted 3 kids or more (both sisters have 3 kids each).
I am an only child and kids never really featured in my life plans.
7 years in, we have 2 kids, ages 4 and 2. I'm knackered and skint, but wouldn't change them for the world.
Partner has been applying pressure for the last 18 months to have a 3rd.
After the hard work of the first 2, I am against having another and the last 6 months of 'discussions' have impacted our relationship seriously.
Done with nappies, done with pushchairs, done with baby food, broken sleep etc etc, and just now want a relationship with her and quiet life as much as it can be. I want to be able to spend time with our kids and teach them stuff and not continuously being dragged from here to there, school to clubs to friends to families.
If that makes me selfish, then so be it, but I do essentially everything for 4 people, daily, plus keep a full time job.
My job is currently on shakey grounds and Mrs EK has been made redundant after nearly 20 years.
So no more kids, as people have already said;
There is enough people in the world already.
Bigger family means bigger car & house.
Trips and holidays become more difficult.
Finance with Mrs EK being unemployed is a major issue
Depends how strong willed your partner is and what you want.
Its ok to say no
Both 36.
Partner comes from a family of 3 sisters and had always wanted 3 kids or more (both sisters have 3 kids each).
I am an only child and kids never really featured in my life plans.
7 years in, we have 2 kids, ages 4 and 2. I'm knackered and skint, but wouldn't change them for the world.
Partner has been applying pressure for the last 18 months to have a 3rd.
After the hard work of the first 2, I am against having another and the last 6 months of 'discussions' have impacted our relationship seriously.
Done with nappies, done with pushchairs, done with baby food, broken sleep etc etc, and just now want a relationship with her and quiet life as much as it can be. I want to be able to spend time with our kids and teach them stuff and not continuously being dragged from here to there, school to clubs to friends to families.
If that makes me selfish, then so be it, but I do essentially everything for 4 people, daily, plus keep a full time job.
My job is currently on shakey grounds and Mrs EK has been made redundant after nearly 20 years.
So no more kids, as people have already said;
There is enough people in the world already.
Bigger family means bigger car & house.
Trips and holidays become more difficult.
Finance with Mrs EK being unemployed is a major issue
Depends how strong willed your partner is and what you want.
Its ok to say no
DocJock said:
Blimey Yipper, I actually agree with you!
I don’t. If fine upstanding PHers like the OP (and me) stop having children, we will have an aging population (you) being supported by the feckless and unemployed - who are the ones having loads of children at the moment. You need to encourage people with jobs and social responsibility to have children to pay for our retirement and look after/defeat the robots when they try and take over.
thainy77 said:
Yipper said:
There are ~7,000,000,000,000 people and ~10,000,000 robots on Earth and growing like wildfire and Western families really shouldn't be adding to the impending overpopulation. One or two kids is plenty. If you have a gap in your life, get a hobby.
Like posting st on PH for example?A friend has 3, all under 6.
3 takes you in to MPV or SUV's as other cars with space for 3 child seats across are limited.
Holidays are a pain.
You are always outnumbered by children - a strong and close grandparent network is essential.
They will all ultimately need a bedroom = bigger house (unless you're fortunate now)
One could argue it's 3 times the fun but it depends on your own circumstances
3 takes you in to MPV or SUV's as other cars with space for 3 child seats across are limited.
Holidays are a pain.
You are always outnumbered by children - a strong and close grandparent network is essential.
They will all ultimately need a bedroom = bigger house (unless you're fortunate now)
One could argue it's 3 times the fun but it depends on your own circumstances
I have three, 18, 20 and 22 now, wouldnt change it but its been hard over the years, I was resistant to a third as I knew what I personally could cope with financially and emotionally, I am generally quite selfish really, or I would like to be.
She said she wanted a third and ventured that it wouldnt cost much more as we had all the stuff, a fact I reminded her of when she wanted to move the third from the state school to private.
I am glad we did but it has meant I have made more sacrifices than I wanted to, never had a really nice car and am still paying a grand a month in Uni fees for two of them, I was the only earner for years and we were pretty skint for ages.
She did, unexpectedly say the other night she had been pondering stuff and thanked me for just getting on with it and not moaning about her being at home looking after the kids and expecting her to get a job. I had to change jobs and earn more so I passed a load of exams and moved, then went contracting and then ended up with enough to manage on.
It sort of rankles a bit when I cant afford to do stuff despite earning a good salary but the kids are getting to the end of being wholly dependent, one is working and earning, however does not have enough to contribute and even if he did, apparently I have to put it away towards a house deposit for him.
Its great having three though, they all get on and its been fantastic having that little gang, so many good times though I feel I didnt perhaps appreciate it as much as I should at the time as it was so full on, skint, house was always a mess, I look at photos from the time and it makes me well up seeing these adorable little kids, they have turned into three fine young men but I now miss the small versions, but that is probably me getting to 47 and thinking time for grandkids is coming
She said she wanted a third and ventured that it wouldnt cost much more as we had all the stuff, a fact I reminded her of when she wanted to move the third from the state school to private.
I am glad we did but it has meant I have made more sacrifices than I wanted to, never had a really nice car and am still paying a grand a month in Uni fees for two of them, I was the only earner for years and we were pretty skint for ages.
She did, unexpectedly say the other night she had been pondering stuff and thanked me for just getting on with it and not moaning about her being at home looking after the kids and expecting her to get a job. I had to change jobs and earn more so I passed a load of exams and moved, then went contracting and then ended up with enough to manage on.
It sort of rankles a bit when I cant afford to do stuff despite earning a good salary but the kids are getting to the end of being wholly dependent, one is working and earning, however does not have enough to contribute and even if he did, apparently I have to put it away towards a house deposit for him.
Its great having three though, they all get on and its been fantastic having that little gang, so many good times though I feel I didnt perhaps appreciate it as much as I should at the time as it was so full on, skint, house was always a mess, I look at photos from the time and it makes me well up seeing these adorable little kids, they have turned into three fine young men but I now miss the small versions, but that is probably me getting to 47 and thinking time for grandkids is coming
Yipper said:
There are ~7,000,000,000,000 people and ~10,000,000 robots on Earth and growing like wildfire and Western families really shouldn't be adding to the impending overpopulation. One or two kids is plenty. If you have a gap in your life, get a hobby.
What the fk have ROBOTS to do with this thread ??? Someone explain , please .
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