End of tether with our son
Discussion
My Dad always told me that if ever I was bullied that he would take me round to whoever was the bigger bully and let them know that he knew who it was and if it ever went any further then I,meaning me would be allowed to sort it out .
I never needed any of that advice as my Grandad had already shown me what to do which would cure any bullying no matter what size you are.
But surely you have to get him on your side so that he believes in you and what you will do and that you will be there for him through thick and thin, and right now he needs you all the time, not just when you finish work.
I never needed any of that advice as my Grandad had already shown me what to do which would cure any bullying no matter what size you are.
But surely you have to get him on your side so that he believes in you and what you will do and that you will be there for him through thick and thin, and right now he needs you all the time, not just when you finish work.
Kneetrembler said:
My Dad always told me that if ever I was bullied that he would take me round to whoever was the bigger bully and let them know that he knew who it was and if it ever went any further then I,meaning me would be allowed to sort it out .
I never needed any of that advice as my Grandad had already shown me what to do which would cure any bullying no matter what size you are.
But surely you have to get him on your side so that he believes in you and what you will do and that you will be there for him through thick and thin, and right now he needs you all the time, not just when you finish work.
I moved away from my local primary school very close to a different secondary school but still went to the original secondary school if that makes sense? I had a mate who used to catch the bus to my house but had a lot of grief with the local lads chasing him because he was from a different school. They smacked him once about six onto one and broke his nose which required an operation.I never needed any of that advice as my Grandad had already shown me what to do which would cure any bullying no matter what size you are.
But surely you have to get him on your side so that he believes in you and what you will do and that you will be there for him through thick and thin, and right now he needs you all the time, not just when you finish work.
When he was back up to full fitness his dad got him in the car and drove round looking for the lads and sparked two of them out. He told them to tell his mates if it carried on they would get the same, it never happened again. I had to walk home passed this school and many a time got smacked but well outnumbered and sometimes had to run!! Some of these people are my close friends now.
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Aaah bless. You don’t have teenage kids, do you?Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.schmalex said:
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is fking up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Aaah bless. You don’t have teenage kids, do you?Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.it's PS4 now grandad.
also to anyone thinking bullying is still physical, getting beaten up, it's not really like that now. Far easier and more effective to wage psychological warfare on someone through lawless social media where adults and teachers don't or can't go. If you beat someone up then people see it happening, and see the resultant wounds.
People older than teenagers will just say oh put the phone down then, but that's the teen equivalent of moving to remote forest and never speaking to anyone ever again. Their entire lives are online, including many interactions with their real mates.
also to anyone thinking bullying is still physical, getting beaten up, it's not really like that now. Far easier and more effective to wage psychological warfare on someone through lawless social media where adults and teachers don't or can't go. If you beat someone up then people see it happening, and see the resultant wounds.
People older than teenagers will just say oh put the phone down then, but that's the teen equivalent of moving to remote forest and never speaking to anyone ever again. Their entire lives are online, including many interactions with their real mates.
schmalex said:
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is fking up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Aaah bless. You don’t have teenage kids, do you?Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.Years ago a friend of mine had a teenage son who'd finished school and then did nothing. Despite nice chats and suggestions, the son was content just to get up late and laze around all day.
One day the dad happened to be working close to home, so decided to pop home for lunch. When he got there he realised that the son's curtains were still drawn. There was he, out working all morning and by the time he'd got halfway through his day the son hadn't even got up!
He saw red, lost it, marched into the son's bedroom, yanked back the covers, got the son by the scruff of his tee shirt, lifted him bodily up and screamed in his face "GET. A. f
kING. JOB!!"He was shaking with rage, stormed back out of the house and just went back to work without lunch.
When he calmed down he though 'oh s
t, what have I done?' Realising he'd somewhat overstepped the mark he decided that he'd go home, eat humble pie and apologise to his son.When he got home he found that his son had gone out that afternoon and got a job...
Sometimes they just need to be told in a way that gets through.
There is a line though that is important not to cross.
"Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'."
I'm not sure destroying property or violence is ever a good way forward.
Confiscation of things he likes, disconnecting from internet, confiscation and then ultimately gifting them to charity as a punishment might be more of punishment without resorting to violence. And smacking a 6'2" 15 year old? That could end badly... he hits back... or he calls the police and reports the ex's "new fella" - so not a parent - for assault.
"Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'."
I'm not sure destroying property or violence is ever a good way forward.
Confiscation of things he likes, disconnecting from internet, confiscation and then ultimately gifting them to charity as a punishment might be more of punishment without resorting to violence. And smacking a 6'2" 15 year old? That could end badly... he hits back... or he calls the police and reports the ex's "new fella" - so not a parent - for assault.
Ari said:
schmalex said:
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is fking up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Aaah bless. You don’t have teenage kids, do you?Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.Years ago a friend of mine had a teenage son who'd finished school and then did nothing. Despite nice chats and suggestions, the son was content just to get up late and laze around all day.
One day the dad happened to be working close to home, so decided to pop home for lunch. When he got there he realised that the son's curtains were still drawn. There was he, out working all morning and by the time he'd got halfway through his day the son hadn't even got up!
He saw red, lost it, marched into the son's bedroom, yanked back the covers, got the son by the scruff of his tee shirt, lifted him bodily up and screamed in his face "GET. A. f
kING. JOB!!"He was shaking with rage, stormed back out of the house and just went back to work without lunch.
When he calmed down he though 'oh s
t, what have I done?' Realising he'd somewhat overstepped the mark he decided that he'd go home, eat humble pie and apologise to his son.When he got home he found that his son had gone out that afternoon and got a job...
Sometimes they just need to be told in a way that gets through.
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is fking up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Can I just ask, are you a parent yourself?Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.How did you come about this advice?
high stakes game though isn't it. Screaming at someone works far less often than it doesn't. Sounds like in that example the Dad complete lost it, rather than act in some kind of measured way that he'd carefully considered, and it just so happened that it scared the kid into acting.
If the kid is already acting aggressively and causing damage, do you really think the best course of action is to aggressively confront them?
It's all very well these posters saying "they just need to be told", "never did me any harm" and all this st, but you don't succeed at parenting by just being the biggest, scariest, loudest, angriest, most threatening... How is that an example? What happens when they are bigger than you?
If the kid is already acting aggressively and causing damage, do you really think the best course of action is to aggressively confront them?
It's all very well these posters saying "they just need to be told", "never did me any harm" and all this s
t, but you don't succeed at parenting by just being the biggest, scariest, loudest, angriest, most threatening... How is that an example? What happens when they are bigger than you?I guess it depends on circumstances. If the kid has had no problems and is "just being a teenager" a more direct approach may be needed.
However the OP's son is dealing with parent's splitting, Mum ill and being bullied as school, I'm not sure bking him will help much. It's more like he needs to know somebody is on his side.
Maybe I'm just a liberal lefty snowflake though
However the OP's son is dealing with parent's splitting, Mum ill and being bullied as school, I'm not sure b
king him will help much. It's more like he needs to know somebody is on his side.Maybe I'm just a liberal lefty snowflake though
OP, feel for you. Have been somewhere similar with my and my partner's children - aged 8-15 when we first got together, now aged 27-34. 1 girl, 5 boys, all living with us. Some had contact with their other parent, some did not.
Despite best efforts, for about 5 years, it was often like the Waltons gone massively wrong and it seemed we were on first name terms with the local cop shop and others in authority. We tried pretty much most of the remedies already mentioned here - most didn't help.
The ones that did seem to work were setting clear, reasonable boundaries and sticking to them, the missus and I constantly updating each other about what was going on (to avoid them playing one off against the other), and remaining calm when one of them was kicking off, including when physical restraint was needed to prevent harm to a person or significant damage to stuff. Picking the right time after the event to talk it through calmly with them was also key, using common sense language about consequences rather than emotive judgement.
Most important, the missus and I kept reminding ourselves of 3 things. Firstly that, at that age and with their hormones running riot, normal teenage angst would spill out over all sorts of things. Secondly, that it would get better in time as long as we supported them through it as best we could. Thirdly, that we must not fall out with each other.
It seems to have worked in the long run with most of them. The best one piece of advice to me (as one who didn't have good role models as parents) was when I was struggling with my then wife and our children in a dreadful marriage. It came from a chap to whom I owe a great deal. In response to my "I only have a crap example to draw upon - how the hell am I supposed to know what to do?!!!" . His response brought me up short and has served me well ever since - "Instead of thinking about what your father did to you, what would you have wanted your father to do? Then do that."
Hope bits of that help and offer some hope. Good luck.
Despite best efforts, for about 5 years, it was often like the Waltons gone massively wrong and it seemed we were on first name terms with the local cop shop and others in authority. We tried pretty much most of the remedies already mentioned here - most didn't help.
The ones that did seem to work were setting clear, reasonable boundaries and sticking to them, the missus and I constantly updating each other about what was going on (to avoid them playing one off against the other), and remaining calm when one of them was kicking off, including when physical restraint was needed to prevent harm to a person or significant damage to stuff. Picking the right time after the event to talk it through calmly with them was also key, using common sense language about consequences rather than emotive judgement.
Most important, the missus and I kept reminding ourselves of 3 things. Firstly that, at that age and with their hormones running riot, normal teenage angst would spill out over all sorts of things. Secondly, that it would get better in time as long as we supported them through it as best we could. Thirdly, that we must not fall out with each other.
It seems to have worked in the long run with most of them. The best one piece of advice to me (as one who didn't have good role models as parents) was when I was struggling with my then wife and our children in a dreadful marriage. It came from a chap to whom I owe a great deal. In response to my "I only have a crap example to draw upon - how the hell am I supposed to know what to do?!!!" . His response brought me up short and has served me well ever since - "Instead of thinking about what your father did to you, what would you have wanted your father to do? Then do that."
Hope bits of that help and offer some hope. Good luck.
WestyCarl said:
I guess it depends on circumstances. If the kid has had no problems and is "just being a teenager" a more direct approach may be needed.
However the OP's son is dealing with parent's splitting, Mum ill and being bullied as school, I'm not sure bking him will help much. It's more like he needs to know somebody is on his side.
Maybe I'm just a liberal lefty snowflake though
Well I totally agree with you at least. He's had quite a few problems, and frustration almost certainly comes from no-one understanding that about him, or listening. bHowever the OP's son is dealing with parent's splitting, Mum ill and being bullied as school, I'm not sure b
king him will help much. It's more like he needs to know somebody is on his side.Maybe I'm just a liberal lefty snowflake though
king him is seeking to tackle the symptoms only, and probably failing even at that. Proper knuckle-dragger proposal IMHO. MG Mark said:
OP, feel for you. Have been somewhere similar with my and my partner's children - aged 8-15 when we first got together, now aged 27-34. 1 girl, 5 boys, all living with us. Some had contact with their other parent, some did not.
Despite best efforts, for about 5 years, it was often like the Waltons gone massively wrong and it seemed we were on first name terms with the local cop shop and others in authority. We tried pretty much most of the remedies already mentioned here - most didn't help.
The ones that did seem to work were setting clear, reasonable boundaries and sticking to them, the missus and I constantly updating each other about what was going on (to avoid them playing one off against the other), and remaining calm when one of them was kicking off, including when physical restraint was needed to prevent harm to a person or significant damage to stuff. Picking the right time after the event to talk it through calmly with them was also key, using common sense language about consequences rather than emotive judgement.
Most important, the missus and I kept reminding ourselves of 3 things. Firstly that, at that age and with their hormones running riot, normal teenage angst would spill out over all sorts of things. Secondly, that it would get better in time as long as we supported them through it as best we could. Thirdly, that we must not fall out with each other.
It seems to have worked in the long run with most of them. The best one piece of advice to me (as one who didn't have good role models as parents) was when I was struggling with my then wife and our children in a dreadful marriage. It came from a chap to whom I owe a great deal. In response to my "I only have a crap example to draw upon - how the hell am I supposed to know what to do?!!!" . His response brought me up short and has served me well ever since - "Instead of thinking about what your father did to you, what would you have wanted your father to do? Then do that."
Hope bits of that help and offer some hope. Good luck.
Well said that man. Good common sense in there.Despite best efforts, for about 5 years, it was often like the Waltons gone massively wrong and it seemed we were on first name terms with the local cop shop and others in authority. We tried pretty much most of the remedies already mentioned here - most didn't help.
The ones that did seem to work were setting clear, reasonable boundaries and sticking to them, the missus and I constantly updating each other about what was going on (to avoid them playing one off against the other), and remaining calm when one of them was kicking off, including when physical restraint was needed to prevent harm to a person or significant damage to stuff. Picking the right time after the event to talk it through calmly with them was also key, using common sense language about consequences rather than emotive judgement.
Most important, the missus and I kept reminding ourselves of 3 things. Firstly that, at that age and with their hormones running riot, normal teenage angst would spill out over all sorts of things. Secondly, that it would get better in time as long as we supported them through it as best we could. Thirdly, that we must not fall out with each other.
It seems to have worked in the long run with most of them. The best one piece of advice to me (as one who didn't have good role models as parents) was when I was struggling with my then wife and our children in a dreadful marriage. It came from a chap to whom I owe a great deal. In response to my "I only have a crap example to draw upon - how the hell am I supposed to know what to do?!!!" . His response brought me up short and has served me well ever since - "Instead of thinking about what your father did to you, what would you have wanted your father to do? Then do that."
Hope bits of that help and offer some hope. Good luck.
Vaud said:
vsonix said:
I agree that his 'no snitching' policy is actually a good thing. Informing the authorities on others should only ever be a last resort. The older he gets the more he will find this attitude pays off in the long run.
Your advice can also be bad advice. There are situations in an adult professional life where knowing and not reporting can make you an accomplice. vsonix said:
Absolutely, but those situations are rare hence me saying 'last resort'. Maybe I didn't put it clearly. There will be times when it is the morally correct thing to do but most of the rest of the time it's not really necessary and will just cause the informer to lose face in the long run.
Ah understood...Blown2CV said:
it's PS4 now grandad.
also to anyone thinking bullying is still physical, getting beaten up, it's not really like that now. Far easier and more effective to wage psychological warfare on someone through lawless social media where adults and teachers don't or can't go. If you beat someone up then people see it happening, and see the resultant wounds.
People older than teenagers will just say oh put the phone down then, but that's the teen equivalent of moving to remote forest and never speaking to anyone ever again. Their entire lives are online, including many interactions with their real mates.
That's very true, although physical bullying is still present, just less common.also to anyone thinking bullying is still physical, getting beaten up, it's not really like that now. Far easier and more effective to wage psychological warfare on someone through lawless social media where adults and teachers don't or can't go. If you beat someone up then people see it happening, and see the resultant wounds.
People older than teenagers will just say oh put the phone down then, but that's the teen equivalent of moving to remote forest and never speaking to anyone ever again. Their entire lives are online, including many interactions with their real mates.
BMWBen said:
..apart from the fact that at the start he admits that it didn't actually work. Not a resounding endorsement.
He says it did "pretty much" work, although once he moved out in his 20s out he became "a dick" again. He doesn't say he started dealing drugs again, and he appears to have become a dick once he moved out. I am guessing the OP may take that as a win, you can't control your kids once they are adults and especially once they move out. It does all sound harsh advice, but I suspect it would reap better results than whatever the OP and his ex have been doing up to now, ie letting the kid get away with it.
He's 15, he knows absolutely nothing of any note about the way of the world, and he needs to be lead through it. He is currently a total loser and an embarrassment to his own family and father. Unless he is made to realise that, and feel the shame that he should, he will never be anything other that a loser and is destined for a s
tty life. Or destined to be molly-codelled by his mummy and daddy all his life, leaching off them, and ruining their lives and that of his siblings, as he currently is. So I reckon a bit of tough love would not go a miss. If he joined the army next year, they'd soon knock his crap behaviour out of him. So it is entirely possible this lad can turn his life around once it is pointed out what a bellend he is being. He isn't going to do it by not going to school and staying up til 3am playing f
king Halo though, that's certain, and the longer it goes on, the harder it will be. If my Son (19) ever so much as raised his voice in anger to his mum he would be in for a serious telling off when I got home. Luckily that never happened.
I've only laid into him a handful of times (for doing silly stuff like borrowing my air rifle to shoot his sisters life size cardboard cutout of One Direction, which was difficult considering how funny it was in hindsight)...boys do need a strong father figure to keep then in check...just fact.
Air Cadets was the best thing he ever did. Taught him to be smart, respect authority, shoot proper guns, make friends, fly planes and have a bloody great time.
I've only laid into him a handful of times (for doing silly stuff like borrowing my air rifle to shoot his sisters life size cardboard cutout of One Direction, which was difficult considering how funny it was in hindsight)...boys do need a strong father figure to keep then in check...just fact.
Air Cadets was the best thing he ever did. Taught him to be smart, respect authority, shoot proper guns, make friends, fly planes and have a bloody great time.
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