End of tether with our son
Discussion
s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
You actually said 'flids'.Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.s3fella said:
This may seem all Chuck Norriss, but it shouldn't be. I had a chap i know, not really a mate, he was a guy who did some work on the house and confided in me about a similar problem with his similar aged son, allthough his issues were drugs and dealing weed. But cops involved, Court, stepson etc. Anyway, this tactic did pretty much work, although now he is in his late 20s and moved out and is a dick again!
Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is fking up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o
Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his fking life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . .
Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for wkers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty.
Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little tt next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.
You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do fk all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become.
Be fking harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
Plenty of people can play computer games as a hobby and still live a productive and fulfilling life. We get it, you don’t like gaming. Anyway, I think you go see him, take him out for a burger and ask him, outright, "one chance" to tell you what is going on, is it drugs, is it bullying, is it a girl? Tell him your are serious, you all think he is f
king up his life royally, and he has one chance there and then to tell his dad WTF is going on, and why he has become such an obnoxious tt, quite frankly, and you will help him. If he doesnt, or tells you to fk off, or goes into a tantrum, next time you have a chance, to see your ex, arrange to go around and smash the living st out of his PS4, all his ancilliaries and take all the over 15 games off him and burn them. destroy any o Leave him a note and tell him to stop wasting his f
king life like an enormous baby, playing pointless games with fat fks called bubba from Texas, cut all the wires to the router, drop his phone in the loo, and tell him to stop being a cxxt. Tell him to come to speak to you if he doesn't like it, like a man, not a baby and if he breaks anything in his mums house, you will charge him three times the price to replace it. . . Obsessive and competitive on computer games are for w
kers and flids, and he is wasting his life on them. He is already a drain on his family, at every level, he should be ashamed of himself as to how he has wasted his life so far, and he is destined to be a total drain on society unless he snaps the fk out of it and starts living in the real world. He is 15, but he is not a child, he is a young adult and should behave as such. He should have more important stuff to do than sitting til 3am in his fantasy world, playing like a little girl. Tell him he choses to exists as a "child" and until he stops, you will treat him like it. Tell him what you were doing as a 15 year old, I was building racing cars, racing motorbikes, riding and doing tricks my BMXs, playing footy, rugby, tennis etc and I bet you were doing something more productive that tour of wky duty. Tell your ex's new fella he has your permission to smack the little t
t next time he kicks off and breaks anything in the house, as well as cutting a hole in all his favourite clothes, if he has any, ie destroy his gear if he choses to destroy your missus'.You may think this harsh, but you need to be tough and ruthless. If you don't, once he is 16 he will drop out of school and at 18 he is an adult and you can do f
k all about it apart from look at him and think what a he has become. Be f
king harsh on him if he ignores your one chance to tell you WTF is wrong with him. If you are lucky, he will thank you one day. And if it doesn't work, at least you had a crack at it. If you don't act quick and tough, he has no chance.
2 long meetings with heads of various depts at his school today.
Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Douglas Quaid said:
Plenty of people can play computer games as a hobby and still live a productive and fulfilling life. We get it, you don’t like gaming.
Correct, but plenty play computer games instead of a productive and fulfilling life. When trying to explain to one such character (in his 20s!) that there's a big old world out there full of joy and wonder to explore, he said in all seriousness (and I'm not making this up) 'if I want to see those places I'll just Google them'.
It's a big big problem for some people and it leads to some pretty unpleasant behavioural issues.
Ari said:
Correct, but plenty play computer games instead of a productive and fulfilling life.
When trying to explain to one such character (in his 20s!) that there's a big old world out there full of joy and wonder to explore, he said in all seriousness (and I'm not making this up) 'if I want to see those places I'll just Google them'.
It's a big big problem for some people and it leads to some pretty unpleasant behavioural issues.
Yep. I'm afraid there are many who can't and won't get off these things. I've known a few. I think they are more numerous than those who just have it as a 'hobby'.When trying to explain to one such character (in his 20s!) that there's a big old world out there full of joy and wonder to explore, he said in all seriousness (and I'm not making this up) 'if I want to see those places I'll just Google them'.
It's a big big problem for some people and it leads to some pretty unpleasant behavioural issues.
When it's a child the only solution is to take the console away. Cut the plug off if you prefer, or sell it. It doesn't matter. It's a bit of a 'cold turkey' thing but it is certainly the only way they'll learn.
My workplace used to have one for people to use on their lunch breaks etc. It had to be removed because it was causing all sorts of timekeeping issues, and worse still the loud and extreme profanities echoing round the office, where often customers had been brought in as guests. And these were adults, many of whom were much older than me. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour and completely out of control.
Ari said:
Douglas Quaid said:
Plenty of people can play computer games as a hobby and still live a productive and fulfilling life. We get it, you don’t like gaming.
Correct, but plenty play computer games instead of a productive and fulfilling life. When trying to explain to one such character (in his 20s!) that there's a big old world out there full of joy and wonder to explore, he said in all seriousness (and I'm not making this up) 'if I want to see those places I'll just Google them'.
It's a big big problem for some people and it leads to some pretty unpleasant behavioural issues.
croyde said:
2 long meetings with heads of various depts at his school today.
Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Good to hear and best of luck. Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Lots of quite extreme suggestions on here, which i feel might make things worse.
Here's my suggestion...
Go For A Walk.
Just the two of you. Not somewhere physically challenging, somewhere you can just have a stroll.
When you do this, you are not sat either side of a table. You don't feel trapped or enclosed. You don't feel pressured to speak. There are also no distractions.
Also, you do not have to say anything at all. You can just go for a walk. It does not feel so awkward going for a walk, saying nothing and coming back. So you won't be heaping pressure on him.
You can also say things without having to look the other person in the face. Which, when its emotional can be difficult.
You don't even have to give a reason for doing it, beyond you wanting some exercise and fresh air and you;d like him to join you.
Repeat it, make it a regular thing. Stick to it on a weekly basis, same time each week.
It will also serve as a relationship builder.
If he's not speaking now, putting him in a pressurised situation is likely to just make him act up again.
rossyl said:
croyde said:
2 long meetings with heads of various depts at his school today.
Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Good to hear and best of luck. Good to see teachers that care and willing to give their much valued time, and this is a state school. His private school was feking useless.
Various plans in place so lets just hope me and his mum can work together to make sure he sticks to them.
Next stop, our GP. A good health check needed just in case anything is out of kilter like say, his thyroid.
The more he behaves and toes the line, the more chances I get to pop down to the country maybe once a week.
Lots of quite extreme suggestions on here, which i feel might make things worse.
Here's my suggestion...
Go For A Walk.
Just the two of you. Not somewhere physically challenging, somewhere you can just have a stroll.
When you do this, you are not sat either side of a table. You don't feel trapped or enclosed. You don't feel pressured to speak. There are also no distractions.
Also, you do not have to say anything at all. You can just go for a walk. It does not feel so awkward going for a walk, saying nothing and coming back. So you won't be heaping pressure on him.
You can also say things without having to look the other person in the face. Which, when its emotional can be difficult.
You don't even have to give a reason for doing it, beyond you wanting some exercise and fresh air and you;d like him to join you.
Repeat it, make it a regular thing. Stick to it on a weekly basis, same time each week.
It will also serve as a relationship builder.
If he's not speaking now, putting him in a pressurised situation is likely to just make him act up again.
Good luck, sounds like you are doing all the right things, sometimes it just takes time, be patient.
We did find that our son had an addictive nature in relation to computer games and had to be time limited, if he wasn't he suffered quite severe mood swings.
OP here, yes he can.
That's what gets me. He's very clever, top band in school currently, but just wasting his chances.
Took him and his younger brother away to North Wales for half term.
Spent the first half in a house in a valley, middle of nowhere with my girlfriend and her kid.
No telly or Internet. The kids almost immediately resorted to games. Hide and seek was a fav even with my hulking great 15 year old.
Evens by the fire playing cards, long days exploring the area thus meant everyone fast asleep before 10pm.
I think we need an EMP over the UK and destroy the Internet. Better times for all especially the kids.
We moved on to a hotel in Llandudno. As soon as my 2 saw the WiFi code I lost them.
Back to bloody hard work dragging them out of the room.
croyde said:
OP here, yes he can.
That's what gets me. He's very clever, top band in school currently, but just wasting his chances.
Took him and his younger brother away to North Wales for half term.
Spent the first half in a house in a valley, middle of nowhere with my girlfriend and her kid.
No telly or Internet. The kids almost immediately resorted to games. Hide and seek was a fav even with my hulking great 15 year old.
Evens by the fire playing cards, long days exploring the area thus meant everyone fast asleep before 10pm.
I think we need an EMP over the UK and destroy the Internet. Better times for all especially the kids.
We moved on to a hotel in Llandudno. As soon as my 2 saw the WiFi code I lost them.
Back to bloody hard work dragging them out of the room.
Croyde, his mother and the cancer - perhaps you can try to suggest that ranting at his mother is a particularly bad idea because of the illness which stress can and does generate and it could make her condition worse. Maybe if he can get his head around that it might make things easier when he's not with you.
It might mean - if only comparatively - he bottles things up a little, but he might approach expressing his problems in a more thoughtful and mature manner - especially if he's invited to do so by his Mum.
It might mean - if only comparatively - he bottles things up a little, but he might approach expressing his problems in a more thoughtful and mature manner - especially if he's invited to do so by his Mum.
Could it be worth asking him what he thinks a reasonable amount of internet/gaming time is, negotiating, then making sure he sticks to it? Then it's not Dad's stupid rule, it's something he had input into and agreed. OK, he'll probably still complain and begrudge it, but it will show him that he does have responsibilities and that he IS listened to. You'll not cut it short randomly and he doesn't extend it randomly.
I say this as someone who isn't a parent (other than the snakes) so feel free to ignore it.
I say this as someone who isn't a parent (other than the snakes) so feel free to ignore it.
Things seem to have got worse.
Still won't go to school, only interested in the PS4. His mother keeps giving in so I've just driven round, walked in and taken the internet connection. I wanted the PS4 but he's hidden it and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose my temper.
School are now talking home visits and possibly collecting him. I think that means social workers.
A great end to bringing the boy up, happy, safe, loved and warm.
I am really sick of it as it's effecting his mother badly as well as me and his brothers and sisters. A very unhappy household. Pretty sad.
Still won't go to school, only interested in the PS4. His mother keeps giving in so I've just driven round, walked in and taken the internet connection. I wanted the PS4 but he's hidden it and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose my temper.
School are now talking home visits and possibly collecting him. I think that means social workers.
A great end to bringing the boy up, happy, safe, loved and warm.
I am really sick of it as it's effecting his mother badly as well as me and his brothers and sisters. A very unhappy household. Pretty sad.
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