Being the poor relation, how do you cope?
Discussion
Sounds like a good plan to me, first steps and all that. I'd be surprised if you didn't start to feel better after a while doing that.
People will encourage you to see the GP and they do so with your best interests but I understand where you're coming from with that and I myself have never been to a GP rightly or wrongly and I've started to work it out for myself.
I'd personally always adopt a self help regimen first but that's just me. Good luck and keep us posted.
People will encourage you to see the GP and they do so with your best interests but I understand where you're coming from with that and I myself have never been to a GP rightly or wrongly and I've started to work it out for myself.
I'd personally always adopt a self help regimen first but that's just me. Good luck and keep us posted.
RowntreesCabana said:
Apologies for not getting back sooner, but the rather abrupt end to the post was due to me heading out for a 12 hour night shift.
Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
Good man. I would suggest that you bring in exercise slowly. If you can finish a session feeling as though you could have pushed more it usually carries into the next session. Remember not to exhaust yourself (a mistake I often make!). Post back when you have a six-pack and some guns!Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
I would definitely recommend easing up on social media. In fact, staying away from the news in general won’t hurt either. There’s very little in it that will make your day to day life better, and really you ought to start thinking about things you do, watch, listen to etc in terms of how fulfilling and/or beneficial it will be for you.
Feel free to talk to me by PM, I’m on a different time zone until next week but email is easy enough to communicate through.
I gave up drinking 4 years ago and discovered I’d got a huge problem with social anxiety that I’d been masking with booze. I’ve only just recently got to the stage where I can cope with it, and in fact am reasonably confident in a social situation when everyone else is drunk.
Nevertheless, for all that I’m being positive, I know that I’m only a small step or two from crashing and having a really bad day/week/month.
Feel free to talk to me by PM, I’m on a different time zone until next week but email is easy enough to communicate through.
I gave up drinking 4 years ago and discovered I’d got a huge problem with social anxiety that I’d been masking with booze. I’ve only just recently got to the stage where I can cope with it, and in fact am reasonably confident in a social situation when everyone else is drunk.
Nevertheless, for all that I’m being positive, I know that I’m only a small step or two from crashing and having a really bad day/week/month.
RowntreesCabana said:
Apologies for not getting back sooner, but the rather abrupt end to the post was due to me heading out for a 12 hour night shift.
Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
Good luck OP.Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
do all the things suggested, but don't be afraid to go to the dr for some drugs if you feel the need. mental illness is an illness just like any other. there's no clear explanation be it chemical imbalances or whatever. If you have a headache you take a paracetamol, if you have an inflamed knee you take ibruprofen. why should mental illness drugs, anti depressants etc be any different? if you feel like crap (and the other methods don't help you) then there is something that could make you feel better why the hell not take it.
Yes there's a stigma. But its a stupid stigma. People say they dont help, make things worse or are addictive. Well there are so many different combos now that there will be something that works for you, its just a matter of trial and error. Addictive? well maybe but a pill a day to feel 'normal' who cares. You cannot do anything about it so let modern medicine help you.
Definitely do all the other things you have suggested but if you still feel you need more help go to the dr. The internet and places like this are unhealthy, social media is something i see no appeal in and never have despite growing up with it being in vogue, and have never been part of (apart from hassling greater anglia on twitter and linkedin) but i imagine they don't help in your situation.
Try to find pleasure in small things if you can. I'm a bit 'eccentric' and on the spectrum, so i find that easier to do then many others, but it helps me.
I'd recommend cycling out in the countryside as another good therapeutic exercise.
I have some experience in this in that my old dear has suffered for years but she is on pills and they make her feel fine. in the past she tried to stop taking them but went back to feeling bad again so took them again. every few years her dosage/blend changes, but they make her feel 'normal' with no side effects.
I suffered myself for 6 months or so, not for your reasons, but my old dear had a stroke (shes fine now), and my then GF broke up with me shortly after (not through my choice) who i thought was the one. It had only been a year but it was the first time I'd ever felt i wanted to spend the rest of my life with a women, but she had serious mental issues herself (apart from getting involved with me! - anxiety/insecurity, a job that she loved but made this significantly worse, dealing with kids who had suffered terrible stuff as social worker effectively) and she didn't think i could handle it all and felt my own idiosyncrasies didn't help her situation despite my best efforts.
That killed me, I'd always been happy in the past when breaking up with women, even (especially!) the couple of longer term ones, but not this time.
Talking to people, m8s, family, bosses, helped as cathartic experiences as did writing it down. Different to your causes but time is meant to be a natural healer for things like that and i carried on exercising etc. for a couple of months, but i needed more help as i was still so down and got a small dosage of anti depressants from my very understanding doctor and they worked within a few weeks, despite him warning me they may take time to take effect, find right dose/blend, things worse at first, etc. I didn't think they would and was skeptical but i was at such a low i was willing to try anything. And they worked i was amazed, i just started waking up feeling not so bad, maybe some of it was placebo i don't know. my m8s were skeptical and told me not to take them too but when i was me again they understood. i started socializing again and finding interest in old hobbies again. About 6 months later I stopped taking them somewhat by accident as i kept forgetting to, then was taking one every few days when i remembered, and then ran out but as i was taking them so infrequently i thought id just see what happens and i was fine. From a position of utter despair they helped me get through it, so don't rule anything out OP if you feel you need it, there is no stigma, and other methods are not working and your doctor can help you!
Edited by theplayingmantis on Tuesday 20th February 15:59
OP, if you are physically able to I would suggest getting some exercise.
[My wife had mild depression when our son was diagnosed with autism, she managed it by exercise alone. Our other son had his own depression when he went to Uni, again kept under control with exercise.]
I don't know why exercise makes you feel better, but it does.
I am 52, uncoordinated and the opposite of supple, and I took up a martial art just over a year ago. Yes, I was the worst in the class for ages, and the oldest - but so what, nobody cares, nobody laughs. Every beginner is crap at it and everyone expects them to be crap at it so there is no pressure. Everyone helps everyone else. Then some others joined who were worse than me and before I knew it I was reasonably competent (for my belt level). Martial arts has an ethos of respect, and everyone starts knowing nothing. If you want a sport to start at I would suggest finding a nearby MA class. Punching and kicking is also a great stress reliever.
As for your 'more successful' friends - don't worry about them, they will be battling their own demons and worrying about their own problems.
[My wife had mild depression when our son was diagnosed with autism, she managed it by exercise alone. Our other son had his own depression when he went to Uni, again kept under control with exercise.]
I don't know why exercise makes you feel better, but it does.
I am 52, uncoordinated and the opposite of supple, and I took up a martial art just over a year ago. Yes, I was the worst in the class for ages, and the oldest - but so what, nobody cares, nobody laughs. Every beginner is crap at it and everyone expects them to be crap at it so there is no pressure. Everyone helps everyone else. Then some others joined who were worse than me and before I knew it I was reasonably competent (for my belt level). Martial arts has an ethos of respect, and everyone starts knowing nothing. If you want a sport to start at I would suggest finding a nearby MA class. Punching and kicking is also a great stress reliever.
As for your 'more successful' friends - don't worry about them, they will be battling their own demons and worrying about their own problems.
RowntreesCabana said:
Apologies for not getting back sooner, but the rather abrupt end to the post was due to me heading out for a 12 hour night shift.
Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
Sorry to say but 12hr night shifts do not help if your feeling depressed.Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you, not only for replying, but for taking the time to post some very special, kind and thoughtful words. As has already been pointed out, the forum can be a harsh place at times, but it can also be a very thoughtful and caring place too, and this thread is testament to that. I must admit to clicking submit with great deal of trepidation, but those fears were completely unfounded.
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
So, I'm going to start off with a plan involving regular exercise (running and weights), reading books (stepping away from the Internet), and I'm going to make significant improvements to my diet. I also think it may be time to knock social media on the head for the time being. I'm hoping that this will improve things enough for me to push me through those GP's doors. I know this is the right thing to do long term and that is my ultimate target.
Once again, I want to thank you all for taking the time to selflessly checkout of your own lives for a moment to offer help to a total stranger. If I could buy you all a beer I would.
Thanks again.
My place runs 24/7 and the amount of suffers on shift is extraordinary. Personally when I’m on nights I struggle to sleep and that is the number one issue for shift workers and highlights depression and anxiety.
My partner has suffered for years. So have my 2 best mates so I’ve seen it all. Councilling help enormously.
To continue what others have said, exercise, movement and getting outdoors/exploring make a massive difference to me.
I'm forced to sit at a desk or go to meetings for 8 hrs a day, for a job I mostly dislike and do not get much satisfaction from, but I have lunchtimes, cycle to work when I can and learn/do active/constructive things when I can.
I'm inquisitive, well-read, went to a highly regarded university and have some "achieving" friends and peers. I've met and socialised with some internationally very highly regarded science people.
Socially, I have always felt comfortable with such people. Professionally and academically, er, no... At a time when (some) friends are rising through the ranks, I'm in the middle. I can luckily talk the talk, but have not found the enthusiasm and motivation required to prevent clock watching or to get nearer to the top.
Does it bother me? Sometimes yes, albeit not from a materialistic point of view, but from an achievement/worth point of view.
What I do have is health, fitness, versatility, a few "man/life skills" that others seem to have forgotten, a family and a house in a reasonable area. I'm in much better condition than most 40 year old Dads, which is worth something.
I also do activities with an interesting group of people of various backgrounds, at which money and status is never an issue.
You are what you think and do, not what you own, even if it is sometimes difficult to remember it.
I'm forced to sit at a desk or go to meetings for 8 hrs a day, for a job I mostly dislike and do not get much satisfaction from, but I have lunchtimes, cycle to work when I can and learn/do active/constructive things when I can.
I'm inquisitive, well-read, went to a highly regarded university and have some "achieving" friends and peers. I've met and socialised with some internationally very highly regarded science people.
Socially, I have always felt comfortable with such people. Professionally and academically, er, no... At a time when (some) friends are rising through the ranks, I'm in the middle. I can luckily talk the talk, but have not found the enthusiasm and motivation required to prevent clock watching or to get nearer to the top.
Does it bother me? Sometimes yes, albeit not from a materialistic point of view, but from an achievement/worth point of view.
What I do have is health, fitness, versatility, a few "man/life skills" that others seem to have forgotten, a family and a house in a reasonable area. I'm in much better condition than most 40 year old Dads, which is worth something.
I also do activities with an interesting group of people of various backgrounds, at which money and status is never an issue.
You are what you think and do, not what you own, even if it is sometimes difficult to remember it.
RowntreesCabana said:
I will not lie to you all and promise that I'll seek medical help, but I will promise you that I will try. If I do, it'll most probably be off the cuff as I'm passing a GP's surgery. I still have a huge barrier in my head preventing me from making that step of walking through those doors, and I'm sure that fear will be perplexing to a lot of you, but these are the hurdles in place for those of us who suffer with social anxiety, an anxiety which is only more compounded by my current emotional state.
As I said:g3org3y said:
The hardest step of it all is making it from your house to sitting in the GP's consulting room. Once you've been able to do that. everything else will follow.
You'll feel better for it, honestly. Simply speaking to someone and allowing yourself to verbalise it makes a massive difference. GPs deal with this thing day in day out. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Best wishes once again.A very interesting post which I can relate to a lot. I'm nearly 46 and working in IT at the lowest level barely making over £20k a year. I've never had any real success in my life whether it was at school or at work. I didn't achieve any grades above a D in my GCSEs and have always had low paying jobs. Any job I've had has always been at the lowest level and never been promoted.
I don't have any skills or talents that I could use outside of work. Its a daily battle for me to try and accept that I probably wont have any success in my life. Part of me tells me never to give up but the other part is just too tired of trying.
I try and be thankful for what I have but it is hard.
Reading back this sounds all very negative but I just want the OP to know he's not the only one out there feeling like this.
I don't have any skills or talents that I could use outside of work. Its a daily battle for me to try and accept that I probably wont have any success in my life. Part of me tells me never to give up but the other part is just too tired of trying.
I try and be thankful for what I have but it is hard.
Reading back this sounds all very negative but I just want the OP to know he's not the only one out there feeling like this.
Success isn’t measured by work. One mans success is another’s failure. Having a good job and being successful by societies norms are not a yardstick. Practical skills/talents can be learnt. Don’t give up. Joy and pleasure can be found in the unlikeliest places and the smallest things.
theplayingmantis said:
Success isn’t measured by work. One mans success is another’s failure. Having a good job and being successful by societies norms are not a yardstick. Practical skills/talents can be learnt. Don’t give up. Joy and pleasure can be found in the unlikeliest places and the smallest things.
Exactly. Well Said.I failed all my A levels and had to spend another two years on retakes. Then got a Desmond at 2:2. First salary in 2006 was £9,000 as a full time office pleb.
I am now a day rate contractor earning six figs, wife earns nearly £50k as a permie. Mid thirties in terms of age.
While I type this her cousin and his three kids and his wife are staying in Dubai at the Burj.
He is a head of maths at some special needs school and his wife don't work. They all live with his folks. So zero outgoings.
Meanwhile myself and wife have a fairly hefty mortgage and nursery fees for two in full time.
Get out your violins. It's all relative, everyone has a different situation. I've gone through depression, substance abuse etc. Even while earning this sort of money. Generally a very depressed or happy person depending on the day.
You might think I have a s
tload of cash. And you are probably right as I'm banking it to set my kids up once I pass away. It's not to be touched. So we still budget like crazy
Oh and he has just ordered a brand new M4. I had to sell my E46 M3 when I was in between contracts last year and currently run a Panda 100HP. Guy on paper is minted in property alone staying at home.
Don't look at others, take each day as it comes.
I am now a day rate contractor earning six figs, wife earns nearly £50k as a permie. Mid thirties in terms of age.
While I type this her cousin and his three kids and his wife are staying in Dubai at the Burj.
He is a head of maths at some special needs school and his wife don't work. They all live with his folks. So zero outgoings.
Meanwhile myself and wife have a fairly hefty mortgage and nursery fees for two in full time.
Get out your violins. It's all relative, everyone has a different situation. I've gone through depression, substance abuse etc. Even while earning this sort of money. Generally a very depressed or happy person depending on the day.
You might think I have a s
tload of cash. And you are probably right as I'm banking it to set my kids up once I pass away. It's not to be touched. So we still budget like crazyOh and he has just ordered a brand new M4. I had to sell my E46 M3 when I was in between contracts last year and currently run a Panda 100HP. Guy on paper is minted in property alone staying at home.
Don't look at others, take each day as it comes.
Edited by HannsG on Tuesday 20th February 20:03
Anthony Micallef said:
A very interesting post which I can relate to a lot. I'm nearly 46 and working in IT at the lowest level barely making over £20k a year. I've never had any real success in my life whether it was at school or at work. I didn't achieve any grades above a D in my GCSEs and have always had low paying jobs. Any job I've had has always been at the lowest level and never been promoted.
I don't have any skills or talents that I could use outside of work. Its a daily battle for me to try and accept that I probably wont have any success in my life. Part of me tells me never to give up but the other part is just too tired of trying.
I try and be thankful for what I have but it is hard.
Reading back this sounds all very negative but I just want the OP to know he's not the only one out there feeling like this.
I’m a bit younger than you, and have been lucky enough to end up on a slightly better salary, but I am pretty much still on the bottom wrung too. I have tried my best my whole life to better myself, gone for promotions, done my job well, and ultimately always lose out to someone else. Some of those people were also hilariously bad at their job. I was even made redundant from one job even though I was probably better and more experienced than many who stayed.I don't have any skills or talents that I could use outside of work. Its a daily battle for me to try and accept that I probably wont have any success in my life. Part of me tells me never to give up but the other part is just too tired of trying.
I try and be thankful for what I have but it is hard.
Reading back this sounds all very negative but I just want the OP to know he's not the only one out there feeling like this.
Through circumstance more than anything else, I ended up in a job for a big company on a bit more money (not by much though), and history seems to look like its repeating itself. I seem to be the go to person for a lot of our team for help and support, I do my job to a high standard, but still I’m witnessing others getting ahead, again.
I’ve honestly stopped caring now. As long as I do my job to a good standard, which I know I do thanks the feedback I get from them, then I’m not going to lose any sleep. Nowadays I just shrug my shoulders and say “story of my life, as per usual”. I think ultimately, I probably don’t sell myself enough, or talk the company talk, play the silly games, or whatever it is that seems to work for others regardless of their level of ability; some people are like cats, they always land on their feet. They could fall in a vat full of cow s
t and come out smelling of roses 
Keep your head up mate, for some of us, it wasn’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop trying, and it definitely doesn’t mean people don’t appreciate you or the work you do.
I think trying to compare yourself to others is pointless and just brings on depression. I’m at point where I need to get new meds but I have already being diagnosed with a mental health issue and going through depressive phase. I’m 34 and I feel my life is over. Got IT education and served in military and now stuck in dead end civil service for DWP doing a job that is literally making me ill. Point where I phone in sick and book days off just to avoid it. I work in benefits. Though I have started applying for software jobs and trying to pick my life up. You can do it but first take care of your mental health. No shame in asking for help. Just go talk to someone and if medication is required then take it.
You have no idea what your mates think,or about the chaos running around in their heads.
Everyone has fears and anxieties.
They may well be jealous of you as they see your life as being simpler and less stressful.
The higher you are the further to fall
Dont suffer, go ask for some help,there is no shame in that.
Everyone has fears and anxieties.
They may well be jealous of you as they see your life as being simpler and less stressful.
The higher you are the further to fall
Dont suffer, go ask for some help,there is no shame in that.
Lots of good points raised in this thread. You never really know what's going on behind a facade. Facebook is worth binning off I think If I didn't have a business page on there I would probably come off there. I think this will be a trend over the next few years we will see most people coming away from.
OP you say you have 4 close pals that's really not bad going! Coming from the other side of the fence I've done ok with business etc but have found my old social network depleted. I'm the only one from my old social group that's been successful in that way and I find I get left out of a lot of stuff and likewise I would like to do a lot of different stuff that my pals can't afford to do or can't get time off work to do. I'm not much of a social climber and would much rather just spend time with old pals I have known a while and have shared history with. This is way way more important than what they earn or what they drive. I have two best mates that i would take a bullet for one is a financial disaster area one could earn a fortune if he could be arsed but just has a more easy come easy go approach. They are both great people and I don't even think about them in any other way than that they are my pals and I'm sure it will be the same in your circle.
If you are so bothered about the financials then graft your tits off and earn some more money. If you are happy as you are there's nothing wrong with that at all.
OP you say you have 4 close pals that's really not bad going! Coming from the other side of the fence I've done ok with business etc but have found my old social network depleted. I'm the only one from my old social group that's been successful in that way and I find I get left out of a lot of stuff and likewise I would like to do a lot of different stuff that my pals can't afford to do or can't get time off work to do. I'm not much of a social climber and would much rather just spend time with old pals I have known a while and have shared history with. This is way way more important than what they earn or what they drive. I have two best mates that i would take a bullet for one is a financial disaster area one could earn a fortune if he could be arsed but just has a more easy come easy go approach. They are both great people and I don't even think about them in any other way than that they are my pals and I'm sure it will be the same in your circle.
If you are so bothered about the financials then graft your tits off and earn some more money. If you are happy as you are there's nothing wrong with that at all.
fridaypassion said:
Lots of good points raised in this thread. You never really know what's going on behind a facade. Facebook is worth binning off I think If I didn't have a business page on there I would probably come off there. I think this will be a trend over the next few years we will see most people coming away from.
OP you say you have 4 close pals that's really not bad going! Coming from the other side of the fence I've done ok with business etc but have found my old social network depleted. I'm the only one from my old social group that's been successful in that way and I find I get left out of a lot of stuff and likewise I would like to do a lot of different stuff that my pals can't afford to do or can't get time off work to do. I'm not much of a social climber and would much rather just spend time with old pals I have known a while and have shared history with. This is way way more important than what they earn or what they drive. I have two best mates that i would take a bullet for one is a financial disaster area one could earn a fortune if he could be arsed but just has a more easy come easy go approach. They are both great people and I don't even think about them in any other way than that they are my pals and I'm sure it will be the same in your circle.
If you are so bothered about the financials then graft your tits off and earn some more money. If you are happy as you are there's nothing wrong with that at all.
I agree with the facebook thing. If it wasn't for the fact that I use it to keep up with old friends who I would otherwise lose contact with completely, then I would bin it as well. It's a good tool for that, and for organising events and that sort of thing, but the rest of the inane drivel that gets posted on there I would not really miss in the slightest. OP you say you have 4 close pals that's really not bad going! Coming from the other side of the fence I've done ok with business etc but have found my old social network depleted. I'm the only one from my old social group that's been successful in that way and I find I get left out of a lot of stuff and likewise I would like to do a lot of different stuff that my pals can't afford to do or can't get time off work to do. I'm not much of a social climber and would much rather just spend time with old pals I have known a while and have shared history with. This is way way more important than what they earn or what they drive. I have two best mates that i would take a bullet for one is a financial disaster area one could earn a fortune if he could be arsed but just has a more easy come easy go approach. They are both great people and I don't even think about them in any other way than that they are my pals and I'm sure it will be the same in your circle.
If you are so bothered about the financials then graft your tits off and earn some more money. If you are happy as you are there's nothing wrong with that at all.
On the flipside, it was also good for finding out that a group of people I considered to be my friends were going out without inviting me - after they plastered photos of nights out all over, and in all honesty, I haven't got a clue why they didn't invite me, as I've done nothing to them to warrant that. In this respect, facebook is definitely a negative thing, but then you could argue its a positive thing as its rooted out people who don't deserve my time - but it still wasn't particularly nice to see.
As for the friend thing, I must admit to getting a little concerned about the way this is going. I have a handful of what I consider to be good mates, but I've also spent time trying to get other, older mates to go out once in a while, and I'm just being met with silence. It's like they just want to be alone. These are not people with lots of commitments, families, kids either. Just loners. I intend to hold on to the mates I do have and am always open for more opportunities, but due to the nature of my job, and the fact I'm getting on a bit, I could potentially see a time I don't have any, and this worries me - and I consider myself to be a sociable person - I honestly don't know what's gone wrong. That's why I urge the OP to keep in touch with his friends - they are invaluable and not easily replaced.
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