Modern toilets cannot cope

[miniman]

hoagypubdog said:

This is whats needed https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Old-Overhead-Toilet-Cis...
One of my customers still has one in his outside loo, nothing gets left behind.

A dedicated holder for air freshener? Nice arrows.

[motco]

That's a proper high level!

[Rawwr]

It's 2018, for crying out loud! Why has nobody invented a toilet which immediately vapourises your leavings with a mesh of lasers when it hits the bottom of the pan?

Utterly ridiculous that Bill Gates is dedicating a huge part of his fortune to curing malaria when I'm stuck over here choking inadequate toilet facilities. The world's gone mad. Come on, Bill, make me my Buck Rogers Laser Toilet, you dick!

[TRIUMPHBULLET]

Rawwr said:

It's 2018, for crying out loud! Why has nobody invented a toilet which immediately vapourises your leavings with a mesh of lasers when it hits the bottom of the pan?

Utterly ridiculous that Bill Gates is dedicating a huge part of his fortune to curing malaria when I'm stuck over here choking inadequate toilet facilities. The world's gone mad. Come on, Bill, make me my Buck Rogers Laser Toilet, you dick!

This,maybe it could have smart lasers that can sense hemorroids and vaporize them also!
Mind you I would get someone else to try it first just in case.
Getting the drop to backsplash ratio is always going to be a problem,on the one hand you want a decent area/depth on the other you don't want the tell tale wet shirt back.

[mickk]

Rawwr said:

It's 2018, for crying out loud! Why has nobody invented a toilet which immediately vapourises your leavings with a mesh of lasers when it hits the bottom of the pan?

Utterly ridiculous that Bill Gates is dedicating a huge part of his fortune to curing malaria when I'm stuck over here choking inadequate toilet facilities. The world's gone mad. Come on, Bill, make me my Buck Rogers Laser Toilet, you dick!

You mean no one has patented the ipan yet?

[motco]

What usually happens when you're disposing of a Bristol Stool Chart 4 or 5 and trapped methane decides to burst past the soft morass? A st storm, is the result! Lasers are unlikely to cope with that without slicing lumps from your rump!

[Rawwr]

motco said:

What usually happens when you're disposing of a Bristol Stool Chart 4 or 5 and trapped methane decides to burst past the soft morass? A st storm, is the result! Lasers are unlikely to cope with that without slicing lumps from your rump!

Hmm, some sort of funnel attachment would be required.

[Armitage.Shanks]

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet. If however you park your breakfast in smaller donations when the meniscus on the water is broken by the first 'bomb' subsequent ones get disturbed so they dont have a clean entry with potential for splashback.

Also I think lining up is important making sure the seat is not offset as your seating position may not be directly over the centre of the pan. How some people manage to splash up under the seat is beyond me!

[Timmy45]

Armitage.Shanks said:

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet.

It's always hugely satisfying when that happens, a bit like getting a hole in one on the mini golf at the seaside.

[Tycho]

Armitage.Shanks said:

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet. If however you park your breakfast in smaller donations when the meniscus on the water is broken by the first 'bomb' subsequent ones get disturbed so they dont have a clean entry with potential for splashback.

Also I think lining up is important making sure the seat is not offset as your seating position may not be directly over the centre of the pan. How some people manage to splash up under the seat is beyond me!

Username checks out!

[colin_p]

Timmy45 said:

Armitage.Shanks said:

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet.

It's always hugely satisfying when that happens, a bit like getting a hole in one on the mini golf at the seaside.

To get the Royal Flush of toilet poker, the first wipe has to be clean as well.

Very rare.

[Mr-B]

colin_p said:

Timmy45 said:

Armitage.Shanks said:

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet.

It's always hugely satisfying when that happens, a bit like getting a hole in one on the mini golf at the seaside.

To get the Royal Flush of toilet poker, the first wipe has to be clean as well.

Very rare.

Yes to all of the above.

Bristol Stool chart Thought that would be a Viz reference but googling shows it isn't! Every day etc.

[littlebasher]

colin_p said:

Timmy45 said:

Armitage.Shanks said:

A lot of design goes into the toilet and cistern. In olden days you had a long drop and a curve angle to the first bend that if you laid a long post the drop would allow gravity to take it straight round the bend with/without wiping its feet.

It's always hugely satisfying when that happens, a bit like getting a hole in one on the mini golf at the seaside.

To get the Royal Flush of toilet poker, the first wipe has to be clean as well.

Very rare.

Aka "Ghost Poo"

[croyde]

parabolica said:

I bet you work in my office; some filthy dirtbag had given birth to this monster that towered out the bowl and just left it there. Honestly looked like someone had coated a baguette in chocolate and thrown it into the bowl. Considered calling the local A&E to check up on the guy. fk knows how he cleaned up as there was no evidence of toilet roll of paper towels.

Worse day at work ever.

I’m sitting on bog reading this and in stitches. Thanks for making me laugh so early

[Digga]

I had a genuine LOL moment a long time ago in the bogs at Warwick services on the M40. I was busy tipping a load and heard the guy in the next cubicle conclude his paperwork and then flush. The split second later, I heard him exclaim loudly and I just managed to pick me feet up of the floor as a Tsunami of bog pan water rush under the gap below cubicle dividing wall. The poor sod's boots must have been full of the stuff - cistern must have had one hell of a flush on it, and I guess the thing was blocked.

[Some Guy]

Reading this thread has had be in tears and almost spilling my beer.

[rover 623gsi]

The main reason for the change in toilet design is to make them quieter. Fact.

[colin_p]

rover 623gsi said:

The main reason for the change in toilet design is to make them quieter. Fact.

What, when you flush or when you bark out your breakfast like a flock of starlings ?

[AdamIndy]

colin_p said:

I think Women must wrap half a bog roll round their hands like a boxing glove and then punch themselves in the growler each time they have a wee?

Thankyou for this thread and this reply in particular. Take a bow mate, take a bow.

I’ve been reading this with ACTUAL tears rolling down my face. I love PH sometimes!

[anonymous-user]

In US/Canada all the bogs are almost half full of water, none of that eco bks. Pure blue collar, deep fried destruction of even the most terrifying st.