Who is right, ex or new partner?
Discussion
Sten. said:
The new partner should keep their nose out. They've contributed to the break-up of a marriage and a child growing up without both parents together, they really shouldn't be commenting on what you do with your money to support your child.
Couldn't have put it better myself. You are supporting your child, it has got nothing to do with your new partner. Emmapuma said:
Sten. said:
The new partner should keep their nose out. They've contributed to the break-up of a marriage and a child growing up without both parents together, they really shouldn't be commenting on what you do with your money to support your child.
Couldn't have put it better myself. You are supporting your child, it has got nothing to do with your new partner. 
who doesn't at all sound like the kind of person who won't think twice about shafting him if it ever comes to it. Timmy45 said:
Emmapuma said:
Sten. said:
The new partner should keep their nose out. They've contributed to the break-up of a marriage and a child growing up without both parents together, they really shouldn't be commenting on what you do with your money to support your child.
Couldn't have put it better myself. You are supporting your child, it has got nothing to do with your new partner. who doesn't at all sound like the kind of person who won't think twice about shafting him if it ever comes to it. I'm in a similar situation although I don't have anyone new on the scene.
I've recently separated from my wife and have a seven-year-old son. I pay an extra £100 a month on top of the legal minimum because that will facilitate the ex being able to get her own mortgage on the family home and I really don't want to uproot my son from a place that he loves and a great school.
I also happily pay for bits of clothing, treats etc. because he's my son and his happiness and wellbeing are only things that matter to me. If/when I meet someone else it will be absolutely clear from day one that I will not compromise on that and if it's a problem we wouldn't get to a second date!
I've recently separated from my wife and have a seven-year-old son. I pay an extra £100 a month on top of the legal minimum because that will facilitate the ex being able to get her own mortgage on the family home and I really don't want to uproot my son from a place that he loves and a great school.
I also happily pay for bits of clothing, treats etc. because he's my son and his happiness and wellbeing are only things that matter to me. If/when I meet someone else it will be absolutely clear from day one that I will not compromise on that and if it's a problem we wouldn't get to a second date!
There's no clear definition on what the CSA covers, presumably this is no accident. The short, simple and surely incorrect answer is it covers 'everything', however a simple CSA calculator clearly can't cover all family eventualities. Given that the nursery fees aren't exactly exorbitant, then I think you're right to pay your half of these on top of whatever the CSA says you should be paying, especially as she'll be in school before you know it, although there may be wraparound costs for childcare then for all I know.
It's rarely as simple an answer as just paying the money. How are relations with the mother of your child? Has she been reasonable throughout? Do her parents do any unpaid childcare? Are you keen to keep up the goodwill between each other? Isn't it important to keep the peace for the sake of your daughter. To me, these are things that money can't buy, and a poxy £100 a month for your share of the nursery fees sounds fair.
It's rarely as simple an answer as just paying the money. How are relations with the mother of your child? Has she been reasonable throughout? Do her parents do any unpaid childcare? Are you keen to keep up the goodwill between each other? Isn't it important to keep the peace for the sake of your daughter. To me, these are things that money can't buy, and a poxy £100 a month for your share of the nursery fees sounds fair.
OP, I'd like to thank you for starting this thread and sharing a slice of what your life has become. I suspect it's a valuable lesson for many of us here on this forum. Being married is tough, everyone has their ups and downs and in moments of weakness when you start fantasising about the woman you work with or the foxy girl down the pub it's threads like this that put it in perspective.
I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a s
tty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.
I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a s
tty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.Based on what's written here, I think I'd be seeing if the shop will accept a return on No2.
Ultimately, a raft of people have gone "£100 a month for a while? Not that big a deal really, the new one's being selfish". And she is, especially when you look at the rest of the deal - sounds like basically a 50:50 split of assets, to a wife + preschool child.
Bargain of the week right there, she could have played hardball and taken 70-80% of everything. Your new one should maybe consider that?
And the Jimmy Hill photo earlier didn't get enough credit.
Ultimately, a raft of people have gone "£100 a month for a while? Not that big a deal really, the new one's being selfish". And she is, especially when you look at the rest of the deal - sounds like basically a 50:50 split of assets, to a wife + preschool child.
Bargain of the week right there, she could have played hardball and taken 70-80% of everything. Your new one should maybe consider that?
And the Jimmy Hill photo earlier didn't get enough credit.
warp9 said:
OP, I'd like to thank you for starting this thread and sharing a slice of what your life has become. I suspect it's a valuable lesson for many of us here on this forum. Being married is tough, everyone has their ups and downs and in moments of weakness when you start fantasising about the woman you work with or the foxy girl down the pub it's threads like this that put it in perspective.
I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a stty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.
+1I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a s
tty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.I'm very grateful that in spite of our ups and downs me and Mrs T45 have stuck at it. A marriage is hard work. I have to say it and we don't know the circumstances, but had the OP stuck at it, not stuck his dick elsewhere etc, his life might not be the utter f
kup it's clearly about to become. I'll be getting Mrs T45 a nice bunch of flowers on the way home, she deserves them for putting up with a bloke who sits naked on the bog firing a shotgun at magpies at 6am
Timmy45 said:
a bloke who sits naked on the bog firing a shotgun at magpies at 6am
Practice for this?! https://radseason.com/event/world-bog-snorkelling-...
warp9 said:
OP, I'd like to thank you for starting this thread and sharing a slice of what your life has become. I suspect it's a valuable lesson for many of us here on this forum. Being married is tough, everyone has their ups and downs and in moments of weakness when you start fantasising about the woman you work with or the foxy girl down the pub it's threads like this that put it in perspective.
I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a stty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.
Aye, this. I really do love my wife any maybe I need to try harder, I really don't want to go through a nasty bitter divorce, sell a lovely house, create resentful children that I see a few times a week at best, argue over every pound, live in a s
tty flat all for a cute 26 year old who 6 months later decided to go off with the local fitness instructor.At my children's nursery there's a mum; Czech, slamming hot, down to earth, and giving off those tempting vibes. And you know what, it would be simply catastrophic to go there. In fact the thoughts of entertaining a complex arrangement and the repercussions makes me rather queasy.
It's really hard to be impartial when there are kids involved, but it's made even more difficult when you're drawing samples of opinions from 99% blokes.
(Disclaimer - I only read page 1 before replying)
I do wonder why so many pepole think "golddigger" about the new partner. Assuming she has no kids of her own, why would she even know what is the "right" thing to do when it comes to maintaining a stable nursery situation. That's stuff you learn the hard way when you have kids of your own. If she does have kids, they are her priority. Either way, the money going out to the OP's daughter is (to the partner) a drain on the new household income.
From her perspective, it's absolutely reasonable that the ex should get the bare minimum. She is not invested in her or the daughter in any way. If she's particularly niaive she probably doesn't realise that the OP's desire to provide for his daughter is the result of a character trait that probably attracted her to him in the first place.
That doesn't make her right. See the replies on page 1 for a detailed explanation about that. The OP asked for unbiased opinions and when it comes to the new partner, he's not been getting that. But people are allowed to be wrong, and we shouldn't make assumptions about them just because they are inexperienced in life.
(Disclaimer - I only read page 1 before replying)
I do wonder why so many pepole think "golddigger" about the new partner. Assuming she has no kids of her own, why would she even know what is the "right" thing to do when it comes to maintaining a stable nursery situation. That's stuff you learn the hard way when you have kids of your own. If she does have kids, they are her priority. Either way, the money going out to the OP's daughter is (to the partner) a drain on the new household income.
From her perspective, it's absolutely reasonable that the ex should get the bare minimum. She is not invested in her or the daughter in any way. If she's particularly niaive she probably doesn't realise that the OP's desire to provide for his daughter is the result of a character trait that probably attracted her to him in the first place.
That doesn't make her right. See the replies on page 1 for a detailed explanation about that. The OP asked for unbiased opinions and when it comes to the new partner, he's not been getting that. But people are allowed to be wrong, and we shouldn't make assumptions about them just because they are inexperienced in life.
Christmassss said:
I speak from experience...an ex of mine showed a few warning signs like your new partner, i ignored them because i thought she was just a bit jealous and would get over it. She then tried getting me to choose between her and my son. It didn't go well for her.
The OP could be in a worse situation if the new partner asks him to choose between her and the new child or the ex and the first child.Gorf said:
(Disclaimer - I only read page 1 before replying)
Thought I shouldn't really have replied without reading the rest of the thread, so I did.Your upcoming arrival doesn't change what I wrote. Your partner is looking out for her best interests and your unborn baby. That's what mums do. Whatever you do - don't justify your £100 a month nursery money with "Well if you and I split up, would you be OK with just the bare minimum?". It won't end well.
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