Who is right, ex or new partner?

[Timmy45]

Cotty said:

The OP could be in a worse situation if the new partner asks him to choose between her and the new child or the ex and the first child.

I'm betting sooner or later this will happen.. probably sooner. As in about 6m time. Call me as cynical as a Tonker in a strip club, but I suspect this is exactly her intention, happily facilitated by numnuts.

Edited by Timmy45 on Friday 20th July 12:59

[Monkeylegend]

Looks like OP is long gone, busy licking his wounds.

[Julian Thompson]

It hasn’t been discussed whether consensus is that the CSA recommended payment is “bare bones” or not. At some point the income of an individual will be such that the CSA payment is more than the cost of the child.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Lots of criticism for the new woman, but to be fair to her, the OP doesn't exactly sound like a catch. They deserve each other.

Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Friday 20th July 15:07

[carboy2017]

DRFC1879 said:

I'm in a similar situation although I don't have anyone new on the scene.

I've recently separated from my wife and have a seven-year-old son. I pay an extra £100 a month on top of the legal minimum because that will facilitate the ex being able to get her own mortgage on the family home and I really don't want to uproot my son from a place that he loves and a great school.

I also happily pay for bits of clothing, treats etc. because he's my son and his happiness and wellbeing are only things that matter to me. If/when I meet someone else it will be absolutely clear from day one that I will not compromise on that and if it's a problem we wouldn't get to a second date!

spot on mate!

@OP,well I'm not going to condemn you as all of us do slip at times but to be honest your new partner does sound rather controlling I would advice you to tell her in no uncertain terms that what you do for your own child is your own business

[Sa Calobra]

Monkeylegend said:

Looks like OP is long gone, busy licking his wounds.

Either back on tinder or looking back

[PistonBroker]

Your daughter is your priority.

If I ever found myself in this sort of situation - I'm not planning on it! - my kids would come first. If a new lady had an issue with that then she'd be out on her ear.

I'm afraid it doesn't sound like a very auspicious start, does it?

[ellroy]

As a divorced chap who paid, in my opinion more than my fair share of maintenance, i think you need to contextualise the cost vs benefit of a good longer term relationship with your daughter. Her Mum may, or may not, be the one who can make or break that. What price would you put on that future relationship?

My son was worth every penny.

[Cotty]

PistonBroker said:

Your daughter is your priority.

If I ever found myself in this sort of situation - I'm not planning on it! - my kids would come first. If a new lady had an issue with that then she'd be out on her ear.

I'm afraid it doesn't sound like a very auspicious start, does it?

Not as easy as that as the OP is having a child with the new lady.

[vsonix]

Sten. said:

The new partner should keep their nose out. They've contributed to the break-up of a marriage and a child growing up without both parents together, they really shouldn't be commenting on what you do with your money to support your child.

^ 100%
None of this is really their business, it's between you, the ex and the kid.

[MatthewAlfie]

I split with my ex 16yrs ago and re married seven years ago. I always paid slightly over csa guidelines: Daughter now 19 and have stopped maintenance agreement this month. My ex saved most of the money to give my daughter options of car, house deposit, travel etc. She never depended on it to live and didn’t use anything for a lifestyle. Most people save for their children’s future if possible so I don’t begrudge it. My current wife was supportive of payment as she’d experienced a non paying absent father. It’s not ideal but my daughter has a nest egg and that’s a good thing.

[Monkeylegend]

If nothing else OP you have helped some of the old timers relive their relationship break ups. Very therapeutic

[Black can man]

Reading this makes me feel lucky that i have been happily married for 35 years come September.

Not sure i could cope with all this tbh.

[Sa Calobra]

Black can man said:

Reading this makes me feel lucky that i have been happily married for 35 years come September.

Not sure i could cope with all this tbh.

27yrs here. Dunno, the tinder thing sounds like it would compensate somewhat

[Grant12]

Thanks for all your replies.

I accept I’ve fxxxxx up, so even the less than complimentary ones I still appreciate and I take square on the chin.

I always knew what the right thing to do is, this was just to try and get her to see how unreasonable she is being.

I wasn’t quite prepared for such a response, but thanks again for all your contributions

[amusingduck]

snake_oil said:

Grant12 said:

...and no it wasn’t planned. She seemed as shocked as I was

[HTP99]

Black can man said:

Reading this makes me feel lucky that i have been happily married for 35 years come September.

Not sure i could cope with all this tbh.

Yep; together 26 happy years; 2 daughters, eldest is 25, youngest is 19, married 10 years this year and had the snip about 5 years ago.

This sort of issue sounds a whole world of pain and not something that I'd ever want to experience and fortunately (due to the snip and not ruling my life with my cock) will never have to!

[MC Bodge]

This sounds like the stuff of nightmares.

I know people with similarly complex lives and I do wonder what goes (or doesn't go) through their heads.

It has been said by others, but the grass isn't always greener, even if it is smoking hot, and after the novelty wears off -having a baby early on in a relationship will help wear it off fairly quickly- you are likely to be back in the position you were in before, but with two families to support...

[sjc]

JuniorD said:

Aye, this.

At my children's nursery there's a mum; Czech, slamming hot, down to earth, and giving off those tempting vibes. And you know what, it would be simply catastrophic to go there. In fact the thoughts of entertaining a complex arrangement and the repercussions makes me rather queasy.

Look forward to reading your thread in a couple of months time !!

[Grant12]

It’s all about choices.

Hopefully some people will have read this who might have considered doing what I did, and they might think again now.