Who is right, ex or new partner?
Discussion
TwigtheWonderkid said:
theboss said:
I'd be perfectly happy if only my ex were to treat me as an equal party in the platonic co-parenting arrangement which commenced the day she so blithely ended our marriage and family unit - instead of as a cash machine and a babysitter.
She systematically undermines and erodes my relationship with the children whilst attempting to unilaterally determine the extent of my contact with them in order to maximise her financial 'entitlement'. She deems our autistic child 'severely disabled' in order to garner sympathy and of course secure additional income.
She doesn't personally bear any cost of raising the children and is indifferent to the notion of earned income - her whole existence is funded by myself and the taxpayer.
You picked her!!!She systematically undermines and erodes my relationship with the children whilst attempting to unilaterally determine the extent of my contact with them in order to maximise her financial 'entitlement'. She deems our autistic child 'severely disabled' in order to garner sympathy and of course secure additional income.
She doesn't personally bear any cost of raising the children and is indifferent to the notion of earned income - her whole existence is funded by myself and the taxpayer.
Julian Thompson said:
Driver101 said:
The comment was based on 1 child and the average salary.
Of course if you've got 3 kids and earning £150,000+ per year even with 3 nights per week the maintenance payments are still going to be £1000 per month.
I may be slightly out of touch - I’m fairly sure he doesn’t earn that much but I am sure he pays over a grand. Maybe he’s overpaying. Either way none of it is ever plain sailing is it!Of course if you've got 3 kids and earning £150,000+ per year even with 3 nights per week the maintenance payments are still going to be £1000 per month.
Edited by Driver101 on Saturday 21st July 18:21
If he has other children in his care then £241 will reduce as that is assuming no more children.
Kids and ex's are rarely plain sailing. They are both very expensive.
There is a lot of woman that will holdout for every penny, equally there's as many men who will contribute nothing or as little as they can.
The stories often seem to be rich man meets woman with nothing. They have a family together and live a good lifestyle. When the dad leaves he wants to keep his lifestyle and doesn't want he ex to keep that lifestyle. What they forget to notice is it's the children who are affected too.
Why should the children lose out?
Surely if the dad has a good lifestyle he would want to see his kids having similar life and not return to their mum living in poverty?
Why do men use the breakup for reasons not to pay a fair amount?
Edited by Driver101 on Sunday 22 July 11:11
I have been in almost the same position. I gave up everything & walked away with nothing. I also paid £450 per month maintenance. It was all for my daughter not my ex. My new partner throws it in my face every time we get into an argument over anything. Like you I don’t need telling i’m Not a good person I just did what I thought was right at the time. Good luck to you mate.
Driver101 said:
Using the online calculator 3 kids, 3 nights per week is £241 per week if he earns 2600 per week before pension contributions. If he's paying over a grand he is indeed earning £150,000+ or he isn't on the current CMS payment system.
If he has other children in his care then £241 will reduce as that is assuming no more children.
Kids and ex's are rarely plain sailing. They are both very expensive.
There is a lot of woman that will holdout for every penny, equally there's as many men who will contribute nothing or as little as they can.
The stories often seem to be rich man meets woman with nothing. They have a family together and live a good lifestyle. When the dad leaves he wants to keep his lifestyle and doesn't want he ex to keep that lifestyle. What they forget to notice is it's the children who are affected too.
Why should the children lose out?
Surely if the dad has a good lifestyle he would want to see his kids having similar life and not return to their mum living in poverty?
Why do men use the breakup for reasons not to pay a fair amount?
Because 9 times out of 10, they're under 'new management'. If he has other children in his care then £241 will reduce as that is assuming no more children.
Kids and ex's are rarely plain sailing. They are both very expensive.
There is a lot of woman that will holdout for every penny, equally there's as many men who will contribute nothing or as little as they can.
The stories often seem to be rich man meets woman with nothing. They have a family together and live a good lifestyle. When the dad leaves he wants to keep his lifestyle and doesn't want he ex to keep that lifestyle. What they forget to notice is it's the children who are affected too.
Why should the children lose out?
Surely if the dad has a good lifestyle he would want to see his kids having similar life and not return to their mum living in poverty?
Why do men use the breakup for reasons not to pay a fair amount?
Edited by Driver101 on Sunday 22 July 11:11
Driver101 said:
Using the online calculator 3 kids, 3 nights per week is £241 per week if he earns 2600 per week before pension contributions. If he's paying over a grand he is indeed earning £150,000+ or he isn't on the current CMS payment system.
If he has other children in his care then £241 will reduce as that is assuming no more children.
Kids and ex's are rarely plain sailing. They are both very expensive.
There is a lot of woman that will holdout for every penny, equally there's as many men who will contribute nothing or as little as they can.
The stories often seem to be rich man meets woman with nothing. They have a family together and live a good lifestyle. When the dad leaves he wants to keep his lifestyle and doesn't want he ex to keep that lifestyle. What they forget to notice is it's the children who are affected too.
Why should the children lose out?
Surely if the dad has a good lifestyle he would want to see his kids having similar life and not return to their mum living in poverty?
Why do men use the breakup for reasons not to pay a fair amount?
>£150k incomes fall outside the scope of the CSA/CMS and must me dealt with by way of court order or an informal agreement.If he has other children in his care then £241 will reduce as that is assuming no more children.
Kids and ex's are rarely plain sailing. They are both very expensive.
There is a lot of woman that will holdout for every penny, equally there's as many men who will contribute nothing or as little as they can.
The stories often seem to be rich man meets woman with nothing. They have a family together and live a good lifestyle. When the dad leaves he wants to keep his lifestyle and doesn't want he ex to keep that lifestyle. What they forget to notice is it's the children who are affected too.
Why should the children lose out?
Surely if the dad has a good lifestyle he would want to see his kids having similar life and not return to their mum living in poverty?
Why do men use the breakup for reasons not to pay a fair amount?
Edited by Driver101 on Sunday 22 July 11:11
In many respects the situation you describe applies to me.
The difficulty is that one income which provided a good standard of living prior to the separation, can't stretch as far as providing the same standard of living for all parties after separation. Literally - everyone ends up poorer. I accept this and have always taken responsibility for my children, but I'm not sure my ex does - partly because she has never worked and can't actually relate to the value of earnings. She just sees a 'big income' as meaning endless resources and feels entitled to enjoying the same quality of life she had before she left me. Note she has absolutely no intention of working herself in order to help provide some of the 'lost' family income which arises from separation.
Ultimately if she didn't want the children's lifestyles to be compromised in any way she should have thought twice about breaking a single-income family unit, because it was inevitable they would end up materially poorer to some degree and no amount of money I throw at her will change that.
It's your decision. And your's alone. You have to live with the consequences for the years ahead, so do what you think is right and proper.
A good relationship with your ex and your child, gets priority in my book, as they will be always there.
Your new partner, on the other hand, might not be. If that's the case, where does that leave you?
Good luck
A good relationship with your ex and your child, gets priority in my book, as they will be always there.
Your new partner, on the other hand, might not be. If that's the case, where does that leave you?
Good luck
Weevic said:
I have been in almost the same position. I gave up everything & walked away with nothing. I also paid £450 per month maintenance. It was all for my daughter not my ex. My new partner throws it in my face every time we get into an argument over anything.
Why is she still your "new partner", and not your "last partner"? TwigtheWonderkid said:
Why is she still your "new partner", and not your "last partner"?
Over time the ones on the market get worse and worse in general. There must be exceptions of course. But if he ditches this one the next one will probably be just as bad, it's like choosing from a progressively older pool of used cars.... Gorf said:
From her perspective, it's absolutely reasonable that the ex should get the bare minimum. She is not invested in her or the daughter in any way.
IMO this isn’t correct, if you choose to set up shop with a parent, you’re not just starting a relationship with them, but their children too, especially when the child is that young. Timmy45 said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Why is she still your "new partner", and not your "last partner"?
Over time the ones on the market get worse and worse in general. There must be exceptions of course. But if he ditches this one the next one will probably be just as bad, it's like choosing from a progressively older pool of used cars.... TwigtheWonderkid said:
Timmy45 said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Why is she still your "new partner", and not your "last partner"?
Over time the ones on the market get worse and worse in general. There must be exceptions of course. But if he ditches this one the next one will probably be just as bad, it's like choosing from a progressively older pool of used cars.... You are father of your daughter, your girl friend is not.
You love your daughter most, but your girlfriend may not.
You know well what your daughter need, and what you should do as father.
I feel your girl friend should support you, and not stop you to do your obligation to your daughter.
If you can't afford for your daughter, how to afford your girl friend ?
I am very sure you already know what you need to do, just do it ..
You are a man and you are the father, your daughter has your blood in her, you should do your part until she become independent ...
You love your daughter most, but your girlfriend may not.
You know well what your daughter need, and what you should do as father.
I feel your girl friend should support you, and not stop you to do your obligation to your daughter.
If you can't afford for your daughter, how to afford your girl friend ?
I am very sure you already know what you need to do, just do it ..
You are a man and you are the father, your daughter has your blood in her, you should do your part until she become independent ...
Timmy45 said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Timmy45 said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Why is she still your "new partner", and not your "last partner"?
Over time the ones on the market get worse and worse in general. There must be exceptions of course. But if he ditches this one the next one will probably be just as bad, it's like choosing from a progressively older pool of used cars.... TwigtheWonderkid said:
Well I think I'd rather walk than be stuck with some old banger that gave me nothing but grief. And pay for the occasional ride in a nice young minicab.
The trouble with using minicabs is that they've been used by a lot of different people before you and the back seats are a right mess.I'm not even sure if this is an analogy anymore.
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