Who is right, ex or new partner?
Discussion
Dixy said:
You may wish to review the parameters by which you chose a partner as they seem to be letting you down.
Roughly this, harsh as it might seem. While it's not her child, presumably she wants her to have some part in your life? What happens when she is no longer 4? What happens when you want to contribute to a school trip, or university?Cotty said:
Grant12 said:
I’d be paying an extra £100 a month. Which I can afford. New partner says that’s £100 less for us and means we won’t be able to borrow as much when we get a mortgage together and house etc
Unless you have married the new partner it is you money to spend how you like. Sounds like she is getting upset the money is not being spent on her.Your new partner needs to be put in her place.
Nip this in the bud, or it'll never go away. Ask your partner if she is going to feel the same about you chipping in for school trips, sports equipment, a bike, another bike when she outgrows the first one, her first car, her university education, because you presumably plan to send a few quid over for those things too. What about birthday and Christmas presents, are those going to cause an argument too?
Nip this in the bud, or it'll never go away. Ask your partner if she is going to feel the same about you chipping in for school trips, sports equipment, a bike, another bike when she outgrows the first one, her first car, her university education, because you presumably plan to send a few quid over for those things too. What about birthday and Christmas presents, are those going to cause an argument too?
Grant12 said:
Apologies if this is in the wrong place, I just need some impartial advice...
Ok, before I start I’ll add that I left my wife for another woman. I don’t need to be told if I’m a rubbish person because if that, it’s done. What I do need is impartial advice.
So in the separation proceedings I have agreed to give my soon to be ex wife the house. In return, she has borrowed money from her parents and paid off all matrimonial debt. The equity in house and the debt was roughly similar. Neither of us wanted to sell because we have a happy, settled 4yr old. In return I have agreed to pay maintenance in accordance with CSA guidelines, and added I would pay a bit more for daughter’s nursery fees for another 13/14 months until she starts school. It isn’t a great amount, but my daughter is very happy in her nursery and I want to keep her there, especially while all this is going on.
My new partner sees this as me funding my ex’s lifestyle, stating if she can’t afford the fees with my CSA guideline based contributions then she should make sacrifices herself. She views my ex wife as taking the proverbial out of me, and feels I am putting my ex before her needs. She’s asks how will we have a life or be able to afford things if I give more money to ex. But she also states it’s the principle and I shouldn’t pay £1 more than what I legally should.
Again, impartially , what are people’s thoughts on this? It’s leading me down a dark path as I feel I’m trapped and I really need some advice. Thank you in advance
Sounds like the grass isn't always greener. Ok, before I start I’ll add that I left my wife for another woman. I don’t need to be told if I’m a rubbish person because if that, it’s done. What I do need is impartial advice.
So in the separation proceedings I have agreed to give my soon to be ex wife the house. In return, she has borrowed money from her parents and paid off all matrimonial debt. The equity in house and the debt was roughly similar. Neither of us wanted to sell because we have a happy, settled 4yr old. In return I have agreed to pay maintenance in accordance with CSA guidelines, and added I would pay a bit more for daughter’s nursery fees for another 13/14 months until she starts school. It isn’t a great amount, but my daughter is very happy in her nursery and I want to keep her there, especially while all this is going on.
My new partner sees this as me funding my ex’s lifestyle, stating if she can’t afford the fees with my CSA guideline based contributions then she should make sacrifices herself. She views my ex wife as taking the proverbial out of me, and feels I am putting my ex before her needs. She’s asks how will we have a life or be able to afford things if I give more money to ex. But she also states it’s the principle and I shouldn’t pay £1 more than what I legally should.
Again, impartially , what are people’s thoughts on this? It’s leading me down a dark path as I feel I’m trapped and I really need some advice. Thank you in advance
With your current partner what's the income split? I'm guessing you earn a fair bit more than her? I'd be running away from someone who starts deciding where your income goes before even being married. Your daughter is part of your family, your new partner needs to grasp that concept, what's it like for birthdays and Christmas? Standing over your shoulder checking how much the presents cost?
I think I’d be hearing huge alarm bells here and bailing whilst you can, before your assets are split in half again. Your daughter must be the priority, which I’m sure is the case. If that’s her viewpoint, I can just imagine the conversations down the line when you want to financially support your daughter in various ways.
ETA sounds like it’s too late to bail!
ETA sounds like it’s too late to bail!
Edited by troika on Thursday 19th July 16:15
Grant12 said:
New partner says I won’t be paying bare minimum for daughter because I’ll still be buying her things and taking her on holidays etc
And this is a problem because...? Surely she's your daughter and it's your money so you can combine the two as you see fit.Your new partner needs accept that you and your daughter come as a package and that this little girl will always be a part of your life.
troika said:
I think I’d be hearing huge alarm bells here and bailing whilst you can, before your assets are split in half again. Your daughter must be the priority, which I’m sure is the case. If that’s her viewpoint, I can just imagine the conversations down the line when you want to financially support your daughter in various ways.
ETA sounds like it’s too late to bail!
Was about to post the same, then realised I'd have to edit too...ETA sounds like it’s too late to bail!
Edited by troika on Thursday 19th July 16:15
I hate to say it but...
Grant12 said:
Thanks again for all your replies. I am expecting a child with new partner.
ask your new partner- if you were to split up with her and soon to be new child, would she like you to pay the bare minimum and tell her to go f@ck herself......... or be a reasonable parent and try and look out for the wellbeing of new child and make sure they stayed in the same nursery/ house etc......
Initial reaction was new GF out of order, not a good omen the way you presented it.
That said, given she's currently pregnant, I presume with her first, you can cut her some slack for wanting to 'protect her & new kids future'. It's not a good vibe, IMO, but I can understand where the thought came from if she's been looking at houses, imagining nurseries etc... and thinks ex could spoil the 'nest' she's imagined.
As has been said, kids first. Balancing two women and two kids is an art you'll have to learn
Best of luck.
Oh FWIW and the avoidance of doubt, the ex sounds to have her head really well screwed on, maintain that relationship as it is it's new GF that needs recalibration, hard as that may be!
That said, given she's currently pregnant, I presume with her first, you can cut her some slack for wanting to 'protect her & new kids future'. It's not a good vibe, IMO, but I can understand where the thought came from if she's been looking at houses, imagining nurseries etc... and thinks ex could spoil the 'nest' she's imagined.
As has been said, kids first. Balancing two women and two kids is an art you'll have to learn
Best of luck.
Oh FWIW and the avoidance of doubt, the ex sounds to have her head really well screwed on, maintain that relationship as it is it's new GF that needs recalibration, hard as that may be!
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