Who is right, ex or new partner?

[TooMany2cvs]

Monkeylegend said:

Don't think he tried to get No2 pregnant, it just sort of happened.

He didn't try very hard not to.

[crofty1984]

Grant12 said:

I’d be paying an extra £100 a month. Which I can afford. New partner says that’s £100 less for us and means we won’t be able to borrow as much when we get a mortgage together and house etc

I'm very much on your side. If you spent £100 a month so you could have a slightly fancier car I bet she wouldn't bay an eyelid. That's your money, spend it on what you want. And if what you want to spend it on is your daughter's wellbeing... I can't think many people would argue with that.

[KingNothing]

Bet the current partner wouldn't settle for the barebones minimum CSA payment if this relationship was to go tits up, she doesn't sound like the type.

[Douglas Quaid]

All I can say is you have messed up with new partner. She sounds like a nasty bh. Now you have knocked her up as well you’re screwed. Best just knuckle down at work and get earning. In 18 yrs you’ll be out of your stuation.

[anonymous-user]

Heck.

What a mess.

[Leicester Loyal]

cat with a hat said:

This thread makes me want to avoid marriage and kids.

Sounds like OP has royally fked up

This.

OP, it's your child, don't let your new partner tell you that you can't spend money on her.

[FN2TypeR]

Monkeylegend said:

TwigtheWonderkid said:

ST_Nuts said:

You'll soon be paying 2 X child maintenance and rent for a bedsit. Good luck.

^^^This

OP, when you've leave woman No2 and your new baby, do try not to get No3 pregnant.

Don't think he tried to get No2 pregnant, it just sort of happened.

It may not be his; a lucky escape!

[xjay1337]

Funk said:

You're not supporting your ex, you're supporting your kid. Sounds like you're being sensible, pragmatic and fair with your ex and your new partner is being unreasonable in my view.

Take my opinion with a pinch of salt though as I've never been in your position.

Edited by Funk on Thursday 19th July 16:27

I agree with this

Also sounds like your new partner is a money grabbing SWT, but hey :-)

[Ayahuasca]

Gruber said:

Brainpox said:

The money is for your kid, not your ex. Don't see what new partners problem is.

Quite. If new partner can't understand that you want to continue to look after your daughter as best you can in the circumstances, then might I humbly suggest you're probably with the wrong partner.

Yup. This is what I think too.

[lord trumpton]

Grant12 said:

Thanks again for all your replies. I am expecting a child with new partner.

New partner says I won’t be paying bare minimum for daughter because I’ll still be buying her things and taking her on holidays etc

Blimey, you don't hang around do you?!

Doing the right thing by your child is the right thing to do.

Also you need to think ahead as things may change when your ex meets someone else and the flexible time you have with your kid may well be formalised (cut back to once a fortnight) doing the right thing for you kid now and also keeping the ex sweet will only pay dividends.

Your new partner...Well offside and sounds a bit selfish. Reassure her than if you go shagging around again and dump her that you'll look after her and the new kid in the same way

[98elise]

Grant12 said:

Apologies if this is in the wrong place, I just need some impartial advice...

Ok, before I start I’ll add that I left my wife for another woman. I don’t need to be told if I’m a rubbish person because if that, it’s done. What I do need is impartial advice.

So in the separation proceedings I have agreed to give my soon to be ex wife the house. In return, she has borrowed money from her parents and paid off all matrimonial debt. The equity in house and the debt was roughly similar. Neither of us wanted to sell because we have a happy, settled 4yr old. In return I have agreed to pay maintenance in accordance with CSA guidelines, and added I would pay a bit more for daughter’s nursery fees for another 13/14 months until she starts school. It isn’t a great amount, but my daughter is very happy in her nursery and I want to keep her there, especially while all this is going on.

My new partner sees this as me funding my ex’s lifestyle, stating if she can’t afford the fees with my CSA guideline based contributions then she should make sacrifices herself. She views my ex wife as taking the proverbial out of me, and feels I am putting my ex before her needs. She’s asks how will we have a life or be able to afford things if I give more money to ex. But she also states it’s the principle and I shouldn’t pay £1 more than what I legally should.

Again, impartially , what are people’s thoughts on this? It’s leading me down a dark path as I feel I’m trapped and I really need some advice. Thank you in advance

You are finding you child's lifestyle, not your ex-wifes. When you left your wife you didn't leave your daughter.

If your new partner wants her lifestyle maintained over your daughter's then you're with the wrong person.

[Sa Calobra]

Grant12 said:

I’d be paying an extra £100 a month. Which I can afford. New partner says that’s £100 less for us and means we won’t be able to borrow as much when we get a mortgage together and house etc

How long have you been together?

[Tim2k9]

OP, you didn’t mention if your ex works?

If she doesn’t work and your child goes to nursery still I can see how your new partner may feel you are paying for your ex to have a break each day therefore in her head you’re funding your ex’s lifestyle.

If that’s the case it may just be you need to explain to your new partner how nursery is a good way for your child to socialise and develop. It’s not do your ex to get free time but for your daughters benefit.

Edited as pressed submit too soon.

[VitorioVeloce]

Grant12 said:

I’d be paying an extra £100 a month. Which I can afford. New partner says that’s £100 less for us and means we won’t be able to borrow as much when we get a mortgage together and house etc

First off, this is only for another year right?

Might i suggest you do NOT get a mortgage together with the new specimen that quickly? Even if she was the most wonderful woman to ever grace the earth, that sounds like it would be waaay too soon, and to be frank, if she is making such a big fuss over you spending 100 quid a month on your kid's wellbeing... i expect that somewhere down the line she will (on purpose or not) drive a wedge between you and the kid(s)

Also, can i point out that if you dont pay the money, and use that to borrow more so you can buy a bigger house with her together, you will be financing her lifestyle? Exactly the thing she accuses of you doing for her ex.

My advice would be to keep financial matters well seperated with the new partner, your obligation to yourself and your kid(s) absolutely precedes any obligation to the new partner, and she should be able to keep up her own trousers.

[Ben Jk]

Awaiting the......"left wife, got with new partner and had child, we've now split up and she's rinsing me for every pound I have, what do I do" thread in 12 months time.

[AllyBassman]

As above,

Please, please, please do not buy a house with your new partner so quickly! Otherwise you'll be back here in a couple of years asking for advice on how to make a bedsit more homely.

See this disagreement as a warning flag. Any normal person would not see that money as funding your ex's lifestyle, but meerly supporting the most important person in your life, your child and ensuring their happiness and security. Any parents number 1 priority we can all agree?

Do you pay the money directly to the Nursery? If not I would and show the new partner that your ex is not getting the money directly.

[Sa Calobra]

Slow down OP. Seriously you've left one relationship and are going serious so quick?

Maybe new girl's biological clock is ticking?

Hope you have deep pockets..


Some generalisations ^ but it's the internet

[Spanna]

Neither of your new partner or ex is right.

But you are, to be doing what you do for your daughter is the right thing to do.

[Oakey]

Have you tried applying to have this resolved on Jeremy Kyle?

[Timmy45]

Grant12 said:

But she also states it’s the principle and I shouldn’t pay £1 more than what I legally should.

Again, impartially , what are people’s thoughts on this?

The phrase "Out of the frying pan and into the fire" comes to mind.