Seeking perspective from older heads
Discussion
Eric Mc said:
No.
Next question?
For you maybe. For me most definitely yes. Sold my business and now have a job earning half what I was doing considerably less hours with a fraction of a percent of the stress and all round general ball ache that comes with running a business. Happier now than I have been in years.Next question?
I guess it comes down to whether you live to work or work to live.
This is something that I see. I'm ahead of the curve in my career - the youngest by a number of years as Engineering Management (I'm 30) and looking in on the ones that are late 30s or early/mid 40s they seem to have made their lives so much more stressful by having kids. It's non-stop; they make statements around wishing lives away and the ones that don't - say they love their kids - never get to see them and look exhausted all the time, and at their whits end. Relationships frayed, divorces in-progress.
Is that my future?
The having kids part seems unnecessary stress to me - and I am acutely aware of what stress does as I live with anxiety disorder triggered worse by stress. I pushed myself too hard in my late 20s to get to where I am, and whole-heartedly don't want to go back there.
So tonight I'm off to the pub and then out for dinner on the sea-front with a lovely young lady that I'm staying in the "dating" phase with, on purpose.
To each their own, and all that, but the grass doesn't seem greener.
Is that my future?
The having kids part seems unnecessary stress to me - and I am acutely aware of what stress does as I live with anxiety disorder triggered worse by stress. I pushed myself too hard in my late 20s to get to where I am, and whole-heartedly don't want to go back there.
So tonight I'm off to the pub and then out for dinner on the sea-front with a lovely young lady that I'm staying in the "dating" phase with, on purpose.
To each their own, and all that, but the grass doesn't seem greener.
46 here. Planning to retire in 4 years.
Own building business and still on site 4 days a week.
Children 15 and 13. Best thing in the world. Very very supportive wife.
I missed most of my children growing up due to chasing money.
I’m knackered. Physically and mentally. Knees, shoulder, hand and ankle all getting worse.
Stress of having employees, clients and juggling money keeps me awake on a night.
My advice- Enjoy your children. Give your wife/ partner lots of attention. Spend time as a couple as much as possible but spend time doing the little things with the children. Ask yourself do you need the big house and the flash cars? The winter sun in Dubai?
Most importantly look after your knees.
Own building business and still on site 4 days a week.
Children 15 and 13. Best thing in the world. Very very supportive wife.
I missed most of my children growing up due to chasing money.
I’m knackered. Physically and mentally. Knees, shoulder, hand and ankle all getting worse.
Stress of having employees, clients and juggling money keeps me awake on a night.
My advice- Enjoy your children. Give your wife/ partner lots of attention. Spend time as a couple as much as possible but spend time doing the little things with the children. Ask yourself do you need the big house and the flash cars? The winter sun in Dubai?
Most importantly look after your knees.
Whoozit said:
While I'm nowhere near earning the same as I used to
Antony Moxey said:
... now have a job earning half what I was ...
Somewhat irrationally, I struggle with doing that - objectively, I could earn less and still live a fine life, but the doubt creeps in - what if it isn't enough. And part of me subscribes to the idea that I would be 'ckickening out' of the hard work, even though I don't ascribe any value to the work itself, it's just random office work.montecristo said:
Whoozit said:
While I'm nowhere near earning the same as I used to
Antony Moxey said:
... now have a job earning half what I was ...
Somewhat irrationally, I struggle with doing that - objectively, I could earn less and still live a fine life, but the doubt creeps in - what if it isn't enough. And part of me subscribes to the idea that I would be 'ckickening out' of the hard work, even though I don't ascribe any value to the work itself, it's just random office work.We’ve got most stuff we want, my youngest is now 20 and although we still buy what we want when we want we’ve found that we don’t really want that much anyway. But it’s the same as when you have kids, buy a new house, make any huge financial decision: you’re never ready, it’s never the right time and you’re never sure you’ve got enough money. But you are, it is and you have, you just don’t realise it!
Oh, and despite what many on here might think, salary isn’t related to how hard you work either. My job now is hugely more physical than my previous one - I don’t think I’ve had a day yet in the previous month when I haven’t arrived home in a wringing wet shirt - yet it’s a massively easier job with nice fixed hours and no stress.
Edited by Antony Moxey on Saturday 21st July 19:34
This topic comes up a lot.
I had a job in my twenties, it was a pain in the arse as it ruined my social life.
I'm now 32 and started my own business just over 2 years ago. Remind me what a social life is again? I could only start the business because my wife is hardworking and massively organised so she was running a department in the business she joined as a graduate by 26 and earning enough to support me leaving a decent job.
My peer group mostly have kids, my wife is 4 years younger than me and hers are starting to have them too. We don't have kids, not through choice but due to a number of miscarriages.
My Dad worked his arse off to the point my brothers and I didn't see him as much as we'd have liked growing up, he did well and didn't need to work after 50, then got cancer, luckily beat it, now helps out with my business.
All these things have lead to my aim being to work as hard as I can in my 30s with a view to not having to work to the point I am no longer able to enjoy the benefits of working so hard. I have seen too many people work themselves into the ground to the point they're not able to enjoy the benefits later in life, and who knows when bad health could make the previous 30 years a waste of time.
I had a job in my twenties, it was a pain in the arse as it ruined my social life.
I'm now 32 and started my own business just over 2 years ago. Remind me what a social life is again? I could only start the business because my wife is hardworking and massively organised so she was running a department in the business she joined as a graduate by 26 and earning enough to support me leaving a decent job.
My peer group mostly have kids, my wife is 4 years younger than me and hers are starting to have them too. We don't have kids, not through choice but due to a number of miscarriages.
My Dad worked his arse off to the point my brothers and I didn't see him as much as we'd have liked growing up, he did well and didn't need to work after 50, then got cancer, luckily beat it, now helps out with my business.
All these things have lead to my aim being to work as hard as I can in my 30s with a view to not having to work to the point I am no longer able to enjoy the benefits of working so hard. I have seen too many people work themselves into the ground to the point they're not able to enjoy the benefits later in life, and who knows when bad health could make the previous 30 years a waste of time.
am working mostly from home now - probably more hours than I should be - but interesting work at least, even I if I do have to visit the office occasionally and deal with some of the children and assorted kn*bs I find there.
Am also (as some others have said) earning a lot less than I used to, but then again, no mortgage, no kids, and enjoying pottering around a bit more than I used to. Have all the 'things' (and cars) I want. And am enjoying not flying all over the world and living out of hotels anymore - am enjoying that a LOT!
It's a case of your own priorities. I had few life-lessons on that, first one was working for a seriously driven guy (investment management business) and he made piles of money, grew his business, chewed up people daily, got to late 50's. Then decided to retire and built his retirement home in france somewhere to move to, retired at 60, and had a massive heart attack at 61, dead as a doornail. Other lessons for another day, but you get the gist.
Decide your priorities, make sure you can fund that, leave the rest for someone who cares & be happy.
Pace of life is the issue, I blame technology. I remember having a Blackberry back in the 00s when they first came out and firing off work emails 24/7 (until my OH threw it in the pool one holiday). There’s always something in the back of your mind, keep thinking ahead, never sleeping 8 hrs, trying to 2nd guess the competition’s next move, technical sales 
it is all consuming...
Now I’ve reached late 30s I find I do value what little free time I have a hell of a lot more, as there’s less and less of it left, and energy levels certainly aren’t what they were in my 20s. But would I quit the rat race, not unless I was forced, I think I’d miss it. Retirement at 55 is the aim, and nowadays working myself into the ground is getting far less attractive.
Selling up and buying a cheap mortgage free property in the outer Hebrides may seem a good idea when you’re maxed out, but to actually get there in reality? I think I’d get bored.
it is all consuming...Now I’ve reached late 30s I find I do value what little free time I have a hell of a lot more, as there’s less and less of it left, and energy levels certainly aren’t what they were in my 20s. But would I quit the rat race, not unless I was forced, I think I’d miss it. Retirement at 55 is the aim, and nowadays working myself into the ground is getting far less attractive.
Selling up and buying a cheap mortgage free property in the outer Hebrides may seem a good idea when you’re maxed out, but to actually get there in reality? I think I’d get bored.
lrdisco said:
My advice- Enjoy your children. Give your wife/ partner lots of attention. Spend time as a couple as much as possible but spend time doing the little things with the children. Ask yourself do you need the big house and the flash cars? The winter sun in Dubai?
Most importantly look after your knees.
Sunscreen, don't forget the sunscreen. Most importantly look after your knees.
Have a look at my Starting Again thread but basically you only get one life and whilst retiring sounds great it’s boring at least for me.
I’m 54 nearly 55 and it went this.
- Serious corporate life till 42 but developed own side business from 35 (went to leave at 40 but got stupid money offer from Schneider and did 2 years).
- own biz till 52 then sold it so mortgage paid off in decent house, no debt, enough to retire on but not enough for mad spending.
Bored bored bored, trained ex cons, messed about with eBay, thought about am dram etc BUT
Decided I could build a biz in 2 years that could pay me <£60k without actually working in it - this is where I am now (see thread referred to at start) I’m about 9/12 months overdue but it’ll happen and I’m largely enjoying it working with people just over half my age.
The £ will help buy cars, crap and holidays and in 2 years I’ll be opening a bakery (never baked, can’t cook - I want a challenge).
Then I will die probably.
I’m 54 nearly 55 and it went this.
- Serious corporate life till 42 but developed own side business from 35 (went to leave at 40 but got stupid money offer from Schneider and did 2 years).
- own biz till 52 then sold it so mortgage paid off in decent house, no debt, enough to retire on but not enough for mad spending.
Bored bored bored, trained ex cons, messed about with eBay, thought about am dram etc BUT
Decided I could build a biz in 2 years that could pay me <£60k without actually working in it - this is where I am now (see thread referred to at start) I’m about 9/12 months overdue but it’ll happen and I’m largely enjoying it working with people just over half my age.
The £ will help buy cars, crap and holidays and in 2 years I’ll be opening a bakery (never baked, can’t cook - I want a challenge).
Then I will die probably.
montecristo said:
One factor is that in my 20s/30s, time was infinite and I was never going to die. As I get older, I am more aware of the time vs. money tradeoff and whether I want to work so much, for debatable benefits.
Pink Floyd said:
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say
I think most blokes like or need to regularly have some free time to themselves to stay happy. Having kids and working longer hours takes that away, together with more jobs to keep the house in order, while there are probably even more things you want to do with your limited free time.
I've made a choice to have kids - but it's hard coming from a more selfish lifestyle in my 20s and early 30s! There's just so much to think about and keep on top of these days, and a lot less freedom. I imagine once kids grow up some freedom will return, so just a (very long) phase!
I've made a choice to have kids - but it's hard coming from a more selfish lifestyle in my 20s and early 30s! There's just so much to think about and keep on top of these days, and a lot less freedom. I imagine once kids grow up some freedom will return, so just a (very long) phase!
I cannot literally remember the last twenty years of work. I mean between the office, cabs, airports and hotels it all merged into one and the last time I had any free time must’ve been back in the 1990s. I suppose having that realisation now whilst still relatively still young must be an advantage as you can actually do something about it, but wow, where does the time go? If I’d had this realisation much later in life I’d be gutted.
Whoozit said:
But that isn't the highest priority in my life. I'm very aware health and personal comfort start falling off a cliff pretty soon. So investing in yourself to maximise your physical and mental wellbeing is even more important.
Blimey. You may well have another 35 or more years of perfect health ahead. My neighbour is 79 and has not visited a doctor in her entire adulthood. She's out every day chopping and painting things. It's a lottery. Certainly best not to tempt fate with outright abuse but most health is baked into you when you were born.
bloomen said:
Blimey. You may well have another 35 or more years of perfect health ahead. My neighbour is 79 and has not visited a doctor in her entire adulthood. She's out every day chopping and painting things.
It's a lottery. Certainly best not to tempt fate with outright abuse but most health is baked into you when you were born.
So what, some people die at 50.It's a lottery. Certainly best not to tempt fate with outright abuse but most health is baked into you when you were born.
I wouldn't say most of your future health is cast in stone from the start, your body reacts to how you treat it, it's more like 60/40 with 40 being genetics or unavoidable.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff