It's my money...I'll spend it how I want to
Discussion
My Mrs and I had an argument about these recently.
I earn a fair whack, about 3 times what she earns.
Once our bills , mortgage etc are covered I then spend the rest how I want as it's my money, I earnt, paid to me in my bank account
I don't "buy her things" often but I will pay for dinners, buy new pricey stuff like Lawnmowers etc. She does pay me back for the big purchases and dinners most of the time but I don't expect or ask her to for dinners and a number of takeaways etc she doesn't pay for , I just buy them as a treat. I'll also lend her money whenever she asks without expecting it back... end of the day we are a partnership.
Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
"Well you'll happily spend £900 on your computer" (I had just bought a new gaming PC after months of gaming on my work laptop).
Oh the row it caused.
When she had calmed down it actually turns out because she has very little money herself she was worried about money etc .
It is a big bugbear of mine when people comment on how I spend my money, the closer they are to me the more annoying it is!
shut the front door and mind your own business.
I earn a fair whack, about 3 times what she earns.
Once our bills , mortgage etc are covered I then spend the rest how I want as it's my money, I earnt, paid to me in my bank account
I don't "buy her things" often but I will pay for dinners, buy new pricey stuff like Lawnmowers etc. She does pay me back for the big purchases and dinners most of the time but I don't expect or ask her to for dinners and a number of takeaways etc she doesn't pay for , I just buy them as a treat. I'll also lend her money whenever she asks without expecting it back... end of the day we are a partnership.
Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
"Well you'll happily spend £900 on your computer" (I had just bought a new gaming PC after months of gaming on my work laptop).
Oh the row it caused.
When she had calmed down it actually turns out because she has very little money herself she was worried about money etc .
It is a big bugbear of mine when people comment on how I spend my money, the closer they are to me the more annoying it is!
shut the front door and mind your own business.
I spent £2500 on PC parts last year. One of my friends could not believe how much I'd spent on them. Tried to explain to him that these are all top end parts that will last a minimum of 5 years and will be used daily and will probably have 35% of their value come re-sale time. Yet he's happy to drop £300 on a pair of sunglasses and £500 on a jacket every year.
edit: Just seen Jay's post above. I had a slightly similar situation with the wife, until I told her I'd spent a four figure sum on a ring for our anniversary. That was ok. A little lump of metal with a shiny stone in it. When I conveyed my PoV on rings etc, she settled down.
edit: Just seen Jay's post above. I had a slightly similar situation with the wife, until I told her I'd spent a four figure sum on a ring for our anniversary. That was ok. A little lump of metal with a shiny stone in it. When I conveyed my PoV on rings etc, she settled down.
Edited by Jonno02 on Monday 23 July 11:06
Jonno02 said:
edit: Just seen Jay's post above. I had a slightly similar situation with the wife, until I told her I'd spent a four figure sum on a ring for our anniversary. That was ok. A little lump of metal with a shiny stone in it. When I conveyed my PoV on rings etc, she settled down.
Hah, yes, mine would be the same.Edited by Jonno02 on Monday 23 July 11:06
It's just what we each individually find worthy of our money
EG I spent £2200 on suspension for my Scirocco. yes it was a lot but it was a massive improvement.
and come resale I made £1200 back 18 months later.
But I find it loathsome to spend £50 on a plaque to hang up in the bedroom.
She doesn't moan I spent £200 on a new TV for our bedroom after the other one fell off the wall...but spending money on myself , crime of the century!
xjay1337 said:
My Mrs and I had an argument about these recently.
I earn a fair whack, about 3 times what she earns.
Once our bills , mortgage etc are covered I then spend the rest how I want as it's my money, I earnt, paid to me in my bank account
I don't "buy her things" often but I will pay for dinners, buy new pricey stuff like Lawnmowers etc. She does pay me back for the big purchases and dinners most of the time but I don't expect or ask her to for dinners and a number of takeaways etc she doesn't pay for , I just buy them as a treat. I'll also lend her money whenever she asks without expecting it back... end of the day we are a partnership.
Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
"Well you'll happily spend £900 on your computer" (I had just bought a new gaming PC after months of gaming on my work laptop).
Oh the row it caused.
When she had calmed down it actually turns out because she has very little money herself she was worried about money etc .
It is a big bugbear of mine when people comment on how I spend my money, the closer they are to me the more annoying it is!
shut the front door and mind your own business.
A couple of things stick out for me on this post, firstly, you say that you pay the mortgage and bills, presumably because as you say, you earn three times more than her.I earn a fair whack, about 3 times what she earns.
Once our bills , mortgage etc are covered I then spend the rest how I want as it's my money, I earnt, paid to me in my bank account
I don't "buy her things" often but I will pay for dinners, buy new pricey stuff like Lawnmowers etc. She does pay me back for the big purchases and dinners most of the time but I don't expect or ask her to for dinners and a number of takeaways etc she doesn't pay for , I just buy them as a treat. I'll also lend her money whenever she asks without expecting it back... end of the day we are a partnership.
Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
"Well you'll happily spend £900 on your computer" (I had just bought a new gaming PC after months of gaming on my work laptop).
Oh the row it caused.
When she had calmed down it actually turns out because she has very little money herself she was worried about money etc .
It is a big bugbear of mine when people comment on how I spend my money, the closer they are to me the more annoying it is!
shut the front door and mind your own business.
I can only say it the way that I see it, I have absolutely no right nor desire, to tell you how you should do things, and I am not doing that, but I paid all the bills and mortgage during both my marriages, because I felt that I should, and I’m not saying that I did it because I was the man in the relationship, I did it because I felt that it was right that I should.
Secondly, and I may have misunderstood, or misread this, but you appeared to say that you bought dinners, (I took that to mean dining out), then you said that she pays you back for dinners.
Surely I’ve got the wrong end of the stick there, you can’t possibly take your wife out to dinner, then take half the tab from her later, can you?
Finally, you spent £180? on a suit, then jibbed at spending £100 on a shirt and shoes, were you going to a tramps wedding?
I find it hard to get a decent pair of shoes for less than £140, never mind a shirt too, I’m not too surprised that she felt that you had your priorities out of whack when you bought a £900 computer.
We just see life through different eyes, I reiterate, it’s not right for me to say that you’re wrong, and I’m not saying that you are, we just see things differently.
Frank7 said:
A couple of things stick out for me on this post, firstly, you say that you pay the mortgage and bills, presumably because as you say, you earn three times more than her.
I can only say it the way that I see it, I have absolutely no right nor desire, to tell you how you should do things, and I am not doing that, but I paid all the bills and mortgage during both my marriages, because I felt that I should, and I’m not saying that I did it because I was the man in the relationship, I did it because I felt that it was right that I should.
Secondly, and I may have misunderstood, or misread this, but you appeared to say that you bought dinners, (I took that to mean dining out), then you said that she pays you back for dinners.
Surely I’ve got the wrong end of the stick there, you can’t possibly take your wife out to dinner, then take half the tab from her later, can you?
Finally, you spent £180? on a suit, then jibbed at spending £100 on a shirt and shoes, were you going to a tramps wedding?
I find it hard to get a decent pair of shoes for less than £140, never mind a shirt too, I’m not too surprised that she felt that you had your priorities out of whack when you bought a £900 computer.
We just see life through different eyes, I reiterate, it’s not right for me to say that you’re wrong, and I’m not saying that you are, we just see things differently.
Hi FrankI can only say it the way that I see it, I have absolutely no right nor desire, to tell you how you should do things, and I am not doing that, but I paid all the bills and mortgage during both my marriages, because I felt that I should, and I’m not saying that I did it because I was the man in the relationship, I did it because I felt that it was right that I should.
Secondly, and I may have misunderstood, or misread this, but you appeared to say that you bought dinners, (I took that to mean dining out), then you said that she pays you back for dinners.
Surely I’ve got the wrong end of the stick there, you can’t possibly take your wife out to dinner, then take half the tab from her later, can you?
Finally, you spent £180? on a suit, then jibbed at spending £100 on a shirt and shoes, were you going to a tramps wedding?
I find it hard to get a decent pair of shoes for less than £140, never mind a shirt too, I’m not too surprised that she felt that you had your priorities out of whack when you bought a £900 computer.
We just see life through different eyes, I reiterate, it’s not right for me to say that you’re wrong, and I’m not saying that you are, we just see things differently.
no offence taken, but I said our bills I never stated "I pay the bills". we split them...around 65:35
I don't take half the tab, she offers to pay for half....which is how it should be.
but quite often if she can't afford it I will just pay anyway and don't ask for it back.
you may be misunderstanding me, she pays me back, I don't ask her to, and often I tell her not to worry about it.
Not everyone buys expensive clothes.
I buy most of mine from TK Max or Ebay, never spent more than £35 on a single item of clothing (the £35 was an Ed Hardy jumper I bought from ebay)
I only ever wear trainers (vans usually) and I buy last years stuff from the Outlet store, I go once a year and buy max 2 pairs for around £25 each.
I have one pair of smart-ish shoes for when I have client meetings they cost £20 from Tesco and are worn max once a month.
Like you say we just see things differently - for you £140 on shoes is nothing, to me I would rather eat £140
(and quite often do)Stella Tortoise said:
Berkshire bred said:
Get lots of people saying I spend to much on cars for my income and age, they may be right but it's still none of their bloody business. I'm not in any sort of debt, I pay my way for everything dont smoke dont do drugs and drink a negligible amount and I save what's leftover. Everyone else can go swivel as far as im concerned.
What do you do?Subtle innuendos follow.
xjay1337 said:
Hi Frank
no offence taken, but I said our bills I never stated "I pay the bills". we split them...around 65:35
I don't take half the tab, she offers to pay for half....which is how it should be.
but quite often if she can't afford it I will just pay anyway and don't ask for it back.
you may be misunderstanding me, she pays me back, I don't ask her to, and often I tell her not to worry about it.
Not everyone buys expensive clothes.
I buy most of mine from TK Max or Ebay, never spent more than £35 on a single item of clothing (the £35 was an Ed Hardy jumper I bought from ebay)
I only ever wear trainers (vans usually) and I buy last years stuff from the Outlet store, I go once a year and buy max 2 pairs for around £25 each.
I have one pair of smart-ish shoes for when I have client meetings they cost £20 from Tesco and are worn max once a month.
Like you say we just see things differently - for you £140 on shoes is nothing, to me I would rather eat £140 (and quite often do)
Hi xjay, thanks for taking my critique in good part, I agonised that I’d gone too far after hitting submit, you’re a gentleman sir.no offence taken, but I said our bills I never stated "I pay the bills". we split them...around 65:35
I don't take half the tab, she offers to pay for half....which is how it should be.
but quite often if she can't afford it I will just pay anyway and don't ask for it back.
you may be misunderstanding me, she pays me back, I don't ask her to, and often I tell her not to worry about it.
Not everyone buys expensive clothes.
I buy most of mine from TK Max or Ebay, never spent more than £35 on a single item of clothing (the £35 was an Ed Hardy jumper I bought from ebay)
I only ever wear trainers (vans usually) and I buy last years stuff from the Outlet store, I go once a year and buy max 2 pairs for around £25 each.
I have one pair of smart-ish shoes for when I have client meetings they cost £20 from Tesco and are worn max once a month.
Like you say we just see things differently - for you £140 on shoes is nothing, to me I would rather eat £140
(and quite often do)I’m not taking a parting shot, my hand to God, but you say that your wife offering to pick up half the tab for dinner is how it should be, I can’t see that, but that’s just me again.
Once in a very blue moon, when I’ve called for the bill after dinner, my wife has interjected, “I’ll get this”, if that’s how she feels at that time, I thank her profusely, and joke that if I’d known, I’d have ordered another Armagnac!
My mother in law is like this.. to an infuriating degree when even talking about something nice that, if I had the money, would be something I would buy.
Example... I happened to see a nice classic Bentley and just said "Oh, I'd love one of those" to nobody in particular, mainly forgetting how little interest my wife or her mother have got in cars, but how much my mother in law THINKS things cost.
"Well I don't see why you would spend all that money on a car instead of making sure your family and daughter had the best upbringing..."
I didn't feel that my idle musings on a car that I can't afford warrant me providing a full breakdown of my income and outgoings to prove my point over and above having to make clear that she knows I am not stupid and certainly wouldn't just splurge tens of thousands of pounds on something only for myself if I hadn't already ensured everything else was up to date...
Example... I happened to see a nice classic Bentley and just said "Oh, I'd love one of those" to nobody in particular, mainly forgetting how little interest my wife or her mother have got in cars, but how much my mother in law THINKS things cost.
"Well I don't see why you would spend all that money on a car instead of making sure your family and daughter had the best upbringing..."
I didn't feel that my idle musings on a car that I can't afford warrant me providing a full breakdown of my income and outgoings to prove my point over and above having to make clear that she knows I am not stupid and certainly wouldn't just splurge tens of thousands of pounds on something only for myself if I hadn't already ensured everything else was up to date...
xjay1337 said:
I earn a fair whack, about 3 times what she earns.
Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
It is your money and you can spend it how you want to..... However please can we see this £180 suit with the £25 shirt and £25 shoes.... just for comedy purposes? Was buying a suit for a friends wedding and after spending £130 (+50 from a mate) on a suit, I was looking for a white shirt and shoes, but the type of shops we were the type that only had 1 white shirt for £50 and their cheapest pair of shoes were much the same cost.
I said I don't fancy spending £100 on a couple of items I can get for half that together from our local town center that I would only use once anyway
Nanook said:
My brother in law makes snide little digs all the time about our new house, cars, holidays we choose to go on etc.
I think it's just that he's annoyed he wasted his entire 20s getting pished and driving a bus instead of doing something useful with his time, and now he's in his 30s and him and my sister had to borrow from my Mum to find a deposit to buy a house
Ha haI think it's just that he's annoyed he wasted his entire 20s getting pished and driving a bus instead of doing something useful with his time, and now he's in his 30s and him and my sister had to borrow from my Mum to find a deposit to buy a house
To be fair, nothing wrong with driving a bus.
My old man did it for a good chunk of time, he then worked up to being a controller and then a relatively senior manager. He was there for 25 odd years.
He now has a sweet Jag he bought without need for finance and owns his house with no mortgage, and took early retirement (I say early, he was like 58 or 60 or something), and helped me out with my own house purchase
I get your general gist, sounds like he is a bitter individual who is upset others have a better quality of life than he.
Just felt I needed to defend bus driving :-)
crofty1984 said:
The Mrs and I get around that by having a shared account we both put an agreed amount in that the bills and a bit of joint saving goes in. After that our own money is fair game. She doesn't complain about my garage full of bikes and I don't complain about her room full of nail varnish.
I think that model is fair if the contributions to the bill account are weighted in line with the incomes I.e. the higher earners pays a relatively higher amount so the “fun money” left over is equal for both. In a marriage at least. Newly habiting BF/GF might be different. Jonno02 said:
I spent £2500 on PC parts last year. One of my friends could not believe how much I'd spent on them. Tried to explain to him that these are all top end parts that will last a minimum of 5 years and will be used daily and will probably have 35% of their value come re-sale time. Yet he's happy to drop £300 on a pair of sunglasses and £500 on a jacket every year.
edit: Just seen Jay's post above. I had a slightly similar situation with the wife, until I told her I'd spent a four figure sum on a ring for our anniversary. That was ok. A little lump of metal with a shiny stone in it. When I conveyed my PoV on rings etc, she settled down.
My friend in work just bought a GTX 1080TI and between us have have spent thousands on our systems. Some think we are crazy but I also work in software development as well as full time job in civil service so it’s also a tool. £950 total for an actual system is rather low. He could have bought a 1080 so that should cheer his wife up.edit: Just seen Jay's post above. I had a slightly similar situation with the wife, until I told her I'd spent a four figure sum on a ring for our anniversary. That was ok. A little lump of metal with a shiny stone in it. When I conveyed my PoV on rings etc, she settled down.
Edited by Jonno02 on Monday 23 July 11:06
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff