The joy of eccentric elderly parents and their routines.
Discussion
My step father grades his carers on shower giving ability and walks around the village telling anyone who will listen “Joan gave me a good shower this morning, mind, not as good a Flora, now she is a big girl” these people are someone’s wife, mother, sister or daughter.
He’s does not particularly like me, not a problem before dementia as he kept in check, now when ever l stand up, in a cheery voice “Oh, you going” this however, is not a problem for me as he has been a fantastic husband to my mother for nearly 40 years.
The eccentric part comes from his obsession with petrol-paraffin powered grey Ferguson TE20 tractors, several of which, he’s restored to a very high standard. Sadly, there be no more, but it is nice that obsession still takes a corner of his mind, his eyes light up whenever you mention them.
He’s does not particularly like me, not a problem before dementia as he kept in check, now when ever l stand up, in a cheery voice “Oh, you going” this however, is not a problem for me as he has been a fantastic husband to my mother for nearly 40 years.
The eccentric part comes from his obsession with petrol-paraffin powered grey Ferguson TE20 tractors, several of which, he’s restored to a very high standard. Sadly, there be no more, but it is nice that obsession still takes a corner of his mind, his eyes light up whenever you mention them.
I remember when I was much younger and we were staying up with my grandparents, and we went to visit a friend of my gran's. Either me or one of my siblings knocked over something onto the carpet which created a bit of a mess. My mum, being the helpful type, went to clean it up and in doing so had to retrieve the vacuum cleaner.
This vaccuum cleaner was stored in a cupboard under the stairs, kept in its own box and was at the back behind things like the ironing board, a lot of coats and some other stuff. I just remember how bizarre that all seemed going through such rigmarole every time you needed to get the vacuum out and then put it away again. Apparently she never used the vacuum herself and didn't want guests to really know that she had one because she was too proud to do her own cleaning or something similar.
This vaccuum cleaner was stored in a cupboard under the stairs, kept in its own box and was at the back behind things like the ironing board, a lot of coats and some other stuff. I just remember how bizarre that all seemed going through such rigmarole every time you needed to get the vacuum out and then put it away again. Apparently she never used the vacuum herself and didn't want guests to really know that she had one because she was too proud to do her own cleaning or something similar.
PositronicRay said:
Our elderly relative is now demanding a pre lunch sandwich.
My gran had rituals around stuff, suspect she had OCD, but the main one was a toilet visit before meals or a give TV programme starting. Not a problem when you are able to take yourself but massively inconvenient when someone else has to. It was purely a routine, she wasnt incontinent and could sleep 8 or 9 hours without a problem and had no Alzheimer's or other mental degenerative issues, sharp as a tack but if she demanded a visit, then whoever was around had to drop what they were doing and take her.Everything had to be done to her minute detail, used to go round and have to fix something, ask her for the screwdrivers, they were in a tin, amongst many similar ones, screwdrivers inside wrapped in a cloth, which had elastic bands round everything, the minute you put it down again it got mummified again, the trick was to put it higher than she could reach.
Elderly said:
My late mother who had dementia, spent most of her day wandering out of her sheltered flat
and to the nearby shops, and bought anything that was 'buy one get one free' that day.
She repeated this routine several times a day .......
......
We watched 'Elizabeth is Missing' the other day, in which Glenda Jackson plays a woman with dementia. It was like playing bingo comparing her to my parents. Eleven tins of sliced peaches, yes, Full House!and to the nearby shops, and bought anything that was 'buy one get one free' that day.
She repeated this routine several times a day .......
......
We've got used to treating best before dates as complete fiction, although the tin of creamed rice 'best before 2016' tasted so odd that the dog got it.
My Mum feeds anything we give her to the dog if we take our eyes off her for a moment. He got half a glass of Bailey's yesterday!
The worst thing is that now Dad has died, Mum thinks I'm him. On New Year's Eve we were watching 'Spectre', and when 007 and his leading lady were having a particularly steamy session on a train, Mum turned to me and said, 'We could be doing that in a minute".
dirky dirk said:
Mum keeps making more and more hospiutal appointments
(we think its because its hte only thing she has control over, everthing else is done by direct debit, and nothing else really to do)
this one is for a plastic surgery clinic, 86 in june.
And people wonder why the NHS has finance problems. (we think its because its hte only thing she has control over, everthing else is done by direct debit, and nothing else really to do)
this one is for a plastic surgery clinic, 86 in june.
Well not much to update as i havent been round with all this covid19 stuff going on
Although I did pop my head round the door
But not enough to notice anything shes done
She has bought a new dyson v12 to replace the dyson v8 she has,
I told her i was on 80% wages and our house is around 700 a month down
No concern at all and spends 450 quid on a dyson.
Which she wrote on the instructions what she didnt like about it and also did the same on the box and then told my sister to take it back to argos.
Although I did pop my head round the door
But not enough to notice anything shes done
She has bought a new dyson v12 to replace the dyson v8 she has,
I told her i was on 80% wages and our house is around 700 a month down
No concern at all and spends 450 quid on a dyson.
Which she wrote on the instructions what she didnt like about it and also did the same on the box and then told my sister to take it back to argos.
Well.
She is no more now.
Popped off a month ago.
Emptying the flat I still find traces off her.
I feel sorry for her. The last third of her life she made it very awkward for anyone to feel anything towards her.
It was her heart and copd that saw her off in the end.
That in itself was a complication of covid.
It was such a shame that her mindset limited her life for the last few years.
She is no more now.
Popped off a month ago.
Emptying the flat I still find traces off her.
I feel sorry for her. The last third of her life she made it very awkward for anyone to feel anything towards her.
It was her heart and copd that saw her off in the end.
That in itself was a complication of covid.
It was such a shame that her mindset limited her life for the last few years.
Dirky dirk I'm sorry to hear your news.
I saw my post on here was back before I lost my Dad: In planning for his funeral/slideshow section I dug out loads of old photos and it reminded me of the person he was before his memory went, rather than the confused old man he became. Sad to think how his last years were, but it's comforting to remember the many years prior to then where he was happy and the kind of person that many people spoke so highly of after he passed.
I saw my post on here was back before I lost my Dad: In planning for his funeral/slideshow section I dug out loads of old photos and it reminded me of the person he was before his memory went, rather than the confused old man he became. Sad to think how his last years were, but it's comforting to remember the many years prior to then where he was happy and the kind of person that many people spoke so highly of after he passed.
Thanks guys.
A release if I’m honest
While clearing the flat
We took some pictures down,
Despite her alleged near blindness. I could see on the wall for every picture hung on the wall there was three or four nail marks, literally a couple of MM apart.
Brand new never occupied flat and the walls are covered In holes where she’s decided despite being almost blind a picture was slightly too high.
It was like a swansong really.
A release if I’m honest
While clearing the flat
We took some pictures down,
Despite her alleged near blindness. I could see on the wall for every picture hung on the wall there was three or four nail marks, literally a couple of MM apart.
Brand new never occupied flat and the walls are covered In holes where she’s decided despite being almost blind a picture was slightly too high.
It was like a swansong really.
dirky dirk said:
Thanks guys.
A release if I’m honest
While clearing the flat
We took some pictures down,
Despite her alleged near blindness. I could see on the wall for every picture hung on the wall there was three or four nail marks, literally a couple of MM apart.
Brand new never occupied flat and the walls are covered In holes where she’s decided despite being almost blind a picture was slightly too high.
It was like a swansong really.
Sorry to hear of your loss lost my mum a year ago, she had the exact same thing with pictures everywhere, even when she was younger.A release if I’m honest
While clearing the flat
We took some pictures down,
Despite her alleged near blindness. I could see on the wall for every picture hung on the wall there was three or four nail marks, literally a couple of MM apart.
Brand new never occupied flat and the walls are covered In holes where she’s decided despite being almost blind a picture was slightly too high.
It was like a swansong really.
Newly plastered walls (First flat) good recently re-plastered walls (Last house) ruined within a week or so of pictures every f
king where. Was pointed in the direction of this thread from another that has popped up recently
Anyway, odd relatives.....
I never met my great-grandparents on my Dad's, Dad's side - but I've heard many stories about them!
The old chap ran a cycle shop in Hertfordshire and the house apparently looked like something from Steptoe and Son. Biycle parts littered the kitchen amongst the food preparation..... I'm told there were often ball bearings found in the jam, chain grease in the sugar etc etc....
If he didn't like you as a customer, he'd tell you to sod off out of his shop. If he was in a mood, then no matter what time or day it was, he'd scrawl "gone fishing" on a piece of card, put it in the window and close for the day.
He didn't understand or like new technology. Apparently someone once turned up with a new-fangled derailleur bike, and after a lifetime of hub gears he couldn't fathom how to fix it. In a frustration he threw the gearset against the wall and stormed out.
Electricity was still a bit of a novelty to them, and several appliances had been rewired but with the plug left topless once put back in use - thus electrocuting whoever tried to unplug them.
They didn't have a kitchen bin, but did have an old cauldron in an alcove behind a curtain. Whenever they wanted to throw something out, they pulled back the curtain and flung it in the cauldron. Dad never saw them empty it whilst he was there visiting, and thus as a child assumed it was some magical bottomless vessel!
The old girl was equally odd. New visitors soon learned not to eat any of the brazil nuts from the bowl on the coffee table. This was because shortly after eating one, she'd remark that they weren't as tasty now that she'd sucked the chocolate off of them
grumpy52 said:
Dad admitted later in life that he had OCD .
......
Always kept house and car keys on separate rings , car keys always on a leather fob and always in R/H jacket pocket house keys on a plain ring and in L/H trouser pocket .
Now I'm not OCD but I do do the same - separate fobs for house and car keys, because I dont want to have to take both with me if I only need one (eg I'm going out on foot). And I have a usual pocket for each thing (keys, phone, wallet) because I then know in an instant if I've lost something.......
Always kept house and car keys on separate rings , car keys always on a leather fob and always in R/H jacket pocket house keys on a plain ring and in L/H trouser pocket .
Anyway, odd relatives.....
I never met my great-grandparents on my Dad's, Dad's side - but I've heard many stories about them!
The old chap ran a cycle shop in Hertfordshire and the house apparently looked like something from Steptoe and Son. Biycle parts littered the kitchen amongst the food preparation..... I'm told there were often ball bearings found in the jam, chain grease in the sugar etc etc....
If he didn't like you as a customer, he'd tell you to sod off out of his shop. If he was in a mood, then no matter what time or day it was, he'd scrawl "gone fishing" on a piece of card, put it in the window and close for the day.
He didn't understand or like new technology. Apparently someone once turned up with a new-fangled derailleur bike, and after a lifetime of hub gears he couldn't fathom how to fix it. In a frustration he threw the gearset against the wall and stormed out.
Electricity was still a bit of a novelty to them, and several appliances had been rewired but with the plug left topless once put back in use - thus electrocuting whoever tried to unplug them.
They didn't have a kitchen bin, but did have an old cauldron in an alcove behind a curtain. Whenever they wanted to throw something out, they pulled back the curtain and flung it in the cauldron. Dad never saw them empty it whilst he was there visiting, and thus as a child assumed it was some magical bottomless vessel!
The old girl was equally odd. New visitors soon learned not to eat any of the brazil nuts from the bowl on the coffee table. This was because shortly after eating one, she'd remark that they weren't as tasty now that she'd sucked the chocolate off of them
My mother-in-law is physically unable to leave the house without cleaning the loo immediately before leaving.
When my Grandmother died and my brother and sister-in-law took her house on, she had several former stables racked out and stacked with, we think, every glass jar she ever bought in the 47 years she lived in the house.
My great aunt Yvonne, as she grew older and frailer managed her decreasing ability to drive confidently and competently not by driving shorter distances, only using familiar routes or driving more slowly but through the crude but devastatingly effective stratagem of only ever turning left.
When my Grandmother died and my brother and sister-in-law took her house on, she had several former stables racked out and stacked with, we think, every glass jar she ever bought in the 47 years she lived in the house.
My great aunt Yvonne, as she grew older and frailer managed her decreasing ability to drive confidently and competently not by driving shorter distances, only using familiar routes or driving more slowly but through the crude but devastatingly effective stratagem of only ever turning left.
If i recall correctly the hospital bed at home company went bump and it had to go back..
The new company, the beds were nowhere near as good apparently
If it wasnt the bed it was the air pump or the mattress wasnt right.
She called the compamy so much her phone was blacklisted, it could never get through
So she rang the installers mobile all times of the nighr and day
She solved it by buying a new mobile
I can laugh now but at the time it was driving me crazy
The new company, the beds were nowhere near as good apparently
If it wasnt the bed it was the air pump or the mattress wasnt right.
She called the compamy so much her phone was blacklisted, it could never get through
So she rang the installers mobile all times of the nighr and day
She solved it by buying a new mobile
I can laugh now but at the time it was driving me crazy
PositronicRay said:
YouTalkinToMe said:
CanAm said:
devnull said:
A common theme seems to be internet banking with the older generation. Both my parents and In-laws refuse to use it. I’ve pointed out that when they go in branch to do something that takes 10 seconds on a phone these days, the clerk is basically using the same interface that they’d be using in the comfort of their home.
But they're keeping bank staff employed. A bank teller will actively try to get someone to use the app instead of coming in. It's a massive headache and drain for them.
And if YouTalkinToMe is still around, the Smiley was a clue.
And for everyone who embraced the new technology (including me) "Look what you've done!"
But all is not lost. A new “banking hub” where customers can access services from Lloyds, Santander and others is being proposed for the high street in a town 27 miles away. This will be in post office premises, where you will be able to deal with your bank of choice one day each week. For the elderly without online access, this will mean a trip by bus of just under two hours each way, and two changes.
A little Off Topic - sorry!
My dad bless him, he's a lege and has always been a wonderful dad is getting on a bit.
He has covered his front door, lower pane of glass with cardboard so people can't see post piling up when they're away for a few days.
Being a child in the post war years, he is a total hoarder, always has been, always will be. Always grabs multiples of BOGOF or good Money off offers. I called him when I was en route to him and he was at the supermarket so I said I'll meet you there.
When I arrived he had a trolley loaded with kitchen towels, to the point it completely filled the boot of my civic and most of the back seat. He'd bought them all before I called him so heck knows how he was going to get them back on the bus. When he opened his garage, he already had about 10 packs in there already.
He has covered his front door, lower pane of glass with cardboard so people can't see post piling up when they're away for a few days.
Being a child in the post war years, he is a total hoarder, always has been, always will be. Always grabs multiples of BOGOF or good Money off offers. I called him when I was en route to him and he was at the supermarket so I said I'll meet you there.
When I arrived he had a trolley loaded with kitchen towels, to the point it completely filled the boot of my civic and most of the back seat. He'd bought them all before I called him so heck knows how he was going to get them back on the bus. When he opened his garage, he already had about 10 packs in there already.
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