Opting out of Christmas
Discussion
Brilad said:
Shakermaker said:
I love Christmas but I'm already "down" about it this year, which I shouldn't be as I now have a daughter to spoil on the day, even though it'll be just before her 1st birthday and she won't have a clue what's going on.
Dunno why.
Similar thing happened to me when kids were very young. I think its normal. Just put a paper hat on her head and make a photo for her to see when she is 18.Dunno why.
One of the best Christmas photos I've got is my daughter aged 4, she knew it was a 'dressing up day', so dressed as a witch and fell asleep into her turkey.
I've worked out why I'm not keen on Christmas this year. Three ominous words - Mother In Law.
As lovely as she is, I just can't get excited about the prospect of the second Christmas in a row where its just me, my wife and her mum for conversation. My sister in law has decided to bugger off on holiday again over Christmas, and brother in law lives abroad and isn't coming back this year. In my opinion, both shirking their responsibility for their mum and leaving her with us. Which of course, I don't want her to spend Christmas alone, especially as her husband/my wife's dad died in December a few years ago so things a bit sombre. But now I have a daughter, I kind of want to spoil her and spend time with her and my wife... or have the chance to see my own family who are relatively local. Grr. I dunno, I guess I'll just watch the Doctor Who special and have a few drinks. At least I won't be driving anywhere...
Oh and on the subject of presents - MiL is very generous, because I am the "golden boy" in her eyes compared to SiL's boyfriends and BiL's wife, but every year I tell her not to, because every year she buys me clothes in sizes that don't fit and I can't exchange, because she buys them in the sale in Summer. I've told her this, my wife has told her this, all she is actually doing is buying clothes for my brother.
Just heard that the MiL is now not coming to ours for Christmas Day as “she wants a day in” so it’s just the wife, daughter and myself for Christmas Day - happy days indeed!
I was taken aback with the “day in” comments as in fairness she does that most days! Its her choice and I’m not pushing anyone
I was taken aback with the “day in” comments as in fairness she does that most days! Its her choice and I’m not pushing anyone
She probably got the message loud and clear last year when you scowled at her across the Turkey for 7 hours solid 😂. Or maybe she's a PHer and read this thread!
Seriously, having one person over for the day isn't a great hardship, it's Christmas after all, tell her to stop being so daft and tell her to bring the mince pies and some crackers!
Seriously, having one person over for the day isn't a great hardship, it's Christmas after all, tell her to stop being so daft and tell her to bring the mince pies and some crackers!
I posted on here a few days ago but deleted it as I was being a total grump
I always celebrate Christmas (I love pantos for a start); however, it's not a particularly happy time of year.
I inherited my kids from my sister. She died when then were little, at Christmas. It's the 10 year anniversary this year. The kids have various developmental issues, including autism. I try to keep things low key but I do find their behaviours ramp up - some years have been worse than others though. I'm fairly tied to the grandparents these days, as they live 3 hours away, want to see the grandkids and can't travel themselves. I generally wind up sorting all the food etc whilst we're there, so it's a full on cooking marathon. My mum always hated cooking anyway.
My MIL also died last December so things with the OH's family seem a bit strained. Apart from the FIL, they find the kids difficult so no one will put us up if we visit, but given the location (in Ireland) it's difficult to organise accommodation - there's not very much available and it's rather expensive, especially around Christmas. This year we've not been invited for Xmas or New Year. However it's the FILs 75th birthday in a couple of weeks (MIL and FIL had been separated more than 20 years) and the plan is that there'll be a big party for him on the Saturday between Xmas and New Year (6 weeks later). We are summoned to that, but when I checked last month, we'd be looking at northwards of £800 for us to visit just for the weekend. We just can't go - so the plan is my OH is going alone and couch surfing at a friends. We have however been asked to make the invitations for the party. My OH's brother and SIL also stopped buying presents for my kids - Xmas and birthdays - the kids are not little, did notice and have asked me why - I did ask why myself and it's apparently because they are too upset at the MIL's death, but they still treat their biological nieces and nephews very openly. At the end of the day it's their prerogative, but it all feels a bit weird to be honest.
I always celebrate Christmas (I love pantos for a start); however, it's not a particularly happy time of year.
I inherited my kids from my sister. She died when then were little, at Christmas. It's the 10 year anniversary this year. The kids have various developmental issues, including autism. I try to keep things low key but I do find their behaviours ramp up - some years have been worse than others though. I'm fairly tied to the grandparents these days, as they live 3 hours away, want to see the grandkids and can't travel themselves. I generally wind up sorting all the food etc whilst we're there, so it's a full on cooking marathon. My mum always hated cooking anyway.
My MIL also died last December so things with the OH's family seem a bit strained. Apart from the FIL, they find the kids difficult so no one will put us up if we visit, but given the location (in Ireland) it's difficult to organise accommodation - there's not very much available and it's rather expensive, especially around Christmas. This year we've not been invited for Xmas or New Year. However it's the FILs 75th birthday in a couple of weeks (MIL and FIL had been separated more than 20 years) and the plan is that there'll be a big party for him on the Saturday between Xmas and New Year (6 weeks later). We are summoned to that, but when I checked last month, we'd be looking at northwards of £800 for us to visit just for the weekend. We just can't go - so the plan is my OH is going alone and couch surfing at a friends. We have however been asked to make the invitations for the party. My OH's brother and SIL also stopped buying presents for my kids - Xmas and birthdays - the kids are not little, did notice and have asked me why - I did ask why myself and it's apparently because they are too upset at the MIL's death, but they still treat their biological nieces and nephews very openly. At the end of the day it's their prerogative, but it all feels a bit weird to be honest.
Edited by oldbanger on Friday 19th October 17:21
prand said:
She probably got the message loud and clear last year when you scowled at her across the Turkey for 7 hours solid ??. Or maybe she's a PHer and read this thread!
Seriously, having one person over for the day isn't a great hardship, it's Christmas after all, tell her to stop being so daft and tell her to bring the mince pies and some crackers!
Lmao, she knows she is more than welcome to come over. I love Christmas and go all out every year as per my previous comments on this thread. Seriously, having one person over for the day isn't a great hardship, it's Christmas after all, tell her to stop being so daft and tell her to bring the mince pies and some crackers!
No need for crackers, we have 11 boxes of 12 in the garage waiting lol!
oldbanger said:
I posted on here a few days ago but deleted it as I was being a total grump
I always celebrate Christmas (I love pantos for a start); however, it's not a particularly happy time of year.
I inherited my kids from my sister. She died when then were little, at Christmas. It's the 10 year anniversary this year. The kids have various developmental issues, including autism. I try to keep things low key but I do find their behaviours ramp up - some years have been worse than others though. I'm fairly tied to the grandparents these days, as they live 3 hours away, want to see the grandkids and can't travel themselves. I generally wind up sorting all the food etc whilst we're there, so it's a full on cooking marathon. My mum always hated cooking anyway.
My MIL also died last December so things with the OH's family seem a bit strained. Apart from the FIL, they find the kids difficult so no one will put us up if we visit, but given the location (in Ireland) it's difficult to organise accommodation - there's not very much available and it's rather expensive, especially around Christmas. This year we've not been invited for Xmas or New Year. However it's the FILs 75th birthday in a couple of weeks (MIL and FIL had been separated more than 20 years) and the plan is that there'll be a big party for him on the Saturday between Xmas and New Year (6 weeks later). We are summoned to that, but when I checked last month, we'd be looking at northwards of £800 for us to visit just for the weekend. We just can't go - so the plan is my OH is going alone and couch surfing at a friends. We have however been asked to make the invitations for the party. My OH's brother and SIL also stopped buying presents for my kids - Xmas and birthdays - the kids are not little, did notice and have asked me why - I did ask why myself and it's apparently because they are too upset at the MIL's death, but they still treat their biological nieces and nephews very openly. At the end of the day it's their prerogative, but it all feels a bit weird to be honest.
Sorry to hear of your troubles and challenges but I find most of the behaviour appalling (not putting you up in their house), making your wife sleep on a friends couch, make invitations. You clearly have more patience than I, as I would struggle to be civil. I always celebrate Christmas (I love pantos for a start); however, it's not a particularly happy time of year.
I inherited my kids from my sister. She died when then were little, at Christmas. It's the 10 year anniversary this year. The kids have various developmental issues, including autism. I try to keep things low key but I do find their behaviours ramp up - some years have been worse than others though. I'm fairly tied to the grandparents these days, as they live 3 hours away, want to see the grandkids and can't travel themselves. I generally wind up sorting all the food etc whilst we're there, so it's a full on cooking marathon. My mum always hated cooking anyway.
My MIL also died last December so things with the OH's family seem a bit strained. Apart from the FIL, they find the kids difficult so no one will put us up if we visit, but given the location (in Ireland) it's difficult to organise accommodation - there's not very much available and it's rather expensive, especially around Christmas. This year we've not been invited for Xmas or New Year. However it's the FILs 75th birthday in a couple of weeks (MIL and FIL had been separated more than 20 years) and the plan is that there'll be a big party for him on the Saturday between Xmas and New Year (6 weeks later). We are summoned to that, but when I checked last month, we'd be looking at northwards of £800 for us to visit just for the weekend. We just can't go - so the plan is my OH is going alone and couch surfing at a friends. We have however been asked to make the invitations for the party. My OH's brother and SIL also stopped buying presents for my kids - Xmas and birthdays - the kids are not little, did notice and have asked me why - I did ask why myself and it's apparently because they are too upset at the MIL's death, but they still treat their biological nieces and nephews very openly. At the end of the day it's their prerogative, but it all feels a bit weird to be honest.
Edited by oldbanger on Friday 19th October 17:21
johnwilliams77 said:
Sorry to hear of your troubles and challenges but I find most of the behaviour appalling (not putting you up in their house), making your wife sleep on a friends couch, make invitations. You clearly have more patience than I, as I would struggle to be civil.
Ha, I am the wife. 
I suspect if we track back one of us (probably me) said or did something to upset the MIL and they probably feel very justified in keeping their distance.
The OH is hopefully going to crash with his best mate from school and I am hoping he’ll have a whale of a time.
I might ask him to babysit so I can go to to plum pudding in return though
I’m from a big family, I’m the youngest of 8 (although my oldest sister died a few years ago and both my parents are dead as well). All my siblings have children, although they’re all adults now, but there are plenty of great nephews and nieces knocking around.
My girlfriend isn’t from the UK, so while we’ve been together, our christmases have been more “European” and I really enjoy them. I’ve been lucky enough not to have worked the last couple, because of course, being in the cops, getting Christmas or New Year off isn’t a given. Someone has to work them.
For the past few years, it’s just been me and my girlfriend, round at hers. We set a cash limit for presents, but on top of that, the advent calendars are 24 small presents (usually limited to £1-2 each) and there’s a thing around the 12th with a boot filled with presents (£25 limit). We have a real tree, we buy tree decorations when we go away somewhere (and we certainly don’t spend a grand on decorations like someone mentioned!).
We get the food that we like (I get ALL the pigs in blankets because my GF is veggie (but eats fish)) and some nice drinks in as well - we have traditions of English sparkling wine (Nyetimber), port and and some nice beers. I can also recommend the “Tiptree” raspberry gin liqueur. We watch a bit of TV, play a bit of Rummikub and “Stadt, land, fluß”, sit by the real fire, read and just generally chill out together for a few days. We both have jobs that can be quite full on, so actually getting some “us time” is the best bit. Somewhere between Christmas and New Year my GF will go home for a few days to see her family.
We have been invited to my various sisters, but that would mean driving at least two or three hours to the nearest one and it’s never quite as relaxing as being at home. So while not being “Bah, humbug” about it, I prefer a quiet Christmas, just me and my girlfriend. I can’t stand that the run up to it seems to start earlier and earlier every year.
My girlfriend isn’t from the UK, so while we’ve been together, our christmases have been more “European” and I really enjoy them. I’ve been lucky enough not to have worked the last couple, because of course, being in the cops, getting Christmas or New Year off isn’t a given. Someone has to work them.
For the past few years, it’s just been me and my girlfriend, round at hers. We set a cash limit for presents, but on top of that, the advent calendars are 24 small presents (usually limited to £1-2 each) and there’s a thing around the 12th with a boot filled with presents (£25 limit). We have a real tree, we buy tree decorations when we go away somewhere (and we certainly don’t spend a grand on decorations like someone mentioned!).
We get the food that we like (I get ALL the pigs in blankets because my GF is veggie (but eats fish)) and some nice drinks in as well - we have traditions of English sparkling wine (Nyetimber), port and and some nice beers. I can also recommend the “Tiptree” raspberry gin liqueur. We watch a bit of TV, play a bit of Rummikub and “Stadt, land, fluß”, sit by the real fire, read and just generally chill out together for a few days. We both have jobs that can be quite full on, so actually getting some “us time” is the best bit. Somewhere between Christmas and New Year my GF will go home for a few days to see her family.
We have been invited to my various sisters, but that would mean driving at least two or three hours to the nearest one and it’s never quite as relaxing as being at home. So while not being “Bah, humbug” about it, I prefer a quiet Christmas, just me and my girlfriend. I can’t stand that the run up to it seems to start earlier and earlier every year.
The Mrs hates Xmas, and with good reason. One if her nans had a heart attack and died on Xmas eve. Her other nan was knocked down by a drink driver on xmas day a few years later and spent the last 20 years of her life in a wheel chair. Not a happy memory for the family!
I don't really care for it as I have no kids but it's good to see the family for a good piss up. I see the family regularly anyway so the actual day I can take or leave. This year I don't think we'll do anything apart from go to the pub.
I'm not bothered with presents as I buy anything I want anyway and we both buy each other stuff through the year.
I don't really care for it as I have no kids but it's good to see the family for a good piss up. I see the family regularly anyway so the actual day I can take or leave. This year I don't think we'll do anything apart from go to the pub.
I'm not bothered with presents as I buy anything I want anyway and we both buy each other stuff through the year.
alorotom said:
Just heard that the MiL is now not coming to ours for Christmas Day as “she wants a day in” so it’s just the wife, daughter and myself for Christmas Day - happy days indeed!
I was taken aback with the “day in” comments as in fairness she does that most days! Its her choice and I’m not pushing anyone
She’s fibbing. It’s obvious... the roads are quiet and she plans to spend the day blatting around in the Caterham. But to say it would be to appear ungrateful of your hospitality. I was taken aback with the “day in” comments as in fairness she does that most days! Its her choice and I’m not pushing anyone
DoubleD said:
johnwilliams77 said:
DoubleD said:
I always like it when someone buys me a beer
I dont mind in a bar but wouldn't thank you for it for something id have at home anyway.
We do food and booze for gifts. Everyone has everything they need and no one wants any gadget tat or for anyone to waste any money. None of that inane or novelty stuff. And it’s enjoyable going out let oming for unusual foods or drinks for particular people.
We have a no tat policy for the children. That makes it a little difficult but I just don’t want people to waste their hard earned money on something that will get played with for five minutes, break, litter the house and then be put in the bin.
The main drink that I request is Gaviscon as by the 25th I am three weeks into an enormous binging mission.
Shakermaker said:
Oh I'll be doing that.
I've worked out why I'm not keen on Christmas this year. Three ominous words - Mother In Law.
As lovely as she is, I just can't get excited about the prospect of the second Christmas in a row where its just me, my wife and her mum for conversation. My sister in law has decided to bugger off on holiday again over Christmas, and brother in law lives abroad and isn't coming back this year. In my opinion, both shirking their responsibility for their mum and leaving her with us. Which of course, I don't want her to spend Christmas alone, especially as her husband/my wife's dad died in December a few years ago so things a bit sombre. But now I have a daughter, I kind of want to spoil her and spend time with her and my wife... or have the chance to see my own family who are relatively local. Grr. I dunno, I guess I'll just watch the Doctor Who special and have a few drinks. At least I won't be driving anywhere...
Oh and on the subject of presents - MiL is very generous, because I am the "golden boy" in her eyes compared to SiL's boyfriends and BiL's wife, but every year I tell her not to, because every year she buys me clothes in sizes that don't fit and I can't exchange, because she buys them in the sale in Summer. I've told her this, my wife has told her this, all she is actually doing is buying clothes for my brother.
Our Christmas days can be quite small. The family is dotted around and not everyone can always make it back to the U.K. This year will be one of those years that it’s very small and I think the solution is possibly to invite others who are in a similar predicament.I've worked out why I'm not keen on Christmas this year. Three ominous words - Mother In Law.
As lovely as she is, I just can't get excited about the prospect of the second Christmas in a row where its just me, my wife and her mum for conversation. My sister in law has decided to bugger off on holiday again over Christmas, and brother in law lives abroad and isn't coming back this year. In my opinion, both shirking their responsibility for their mum and leaving her with us. Which of course, I don't want her to spend Christmas alone, especially as her husband/my wife's dad died in December a few years ago so things a bit sombre. But now I have a daughter, I kind of want to spoil her and spend time with her and my wife... or have the chance to see my own family who are relatively local. Grr. I dunno, I guess I'll just watch the Doctor Who special and have a few drinks. At least I won't be driving anywhere...
Oh and on the subject of presents - MiL is very generous, because I am the "golden boy" in her eyes compared to SiL's boyfriends and BiL's wife, but every year I tell her not to, because every year she buys me clothes in sizes that don't fit and I can't exchange, because she buys them in the sale in Summer. I've told her this, my wife has told her this, all she is actually doing is buying clothes for my brother.
My wife and I have opted out of Christmas.
It's been a terrible year for us she had a miscarriage in April then took blood clots in her lungs, head etc randomly, had to cancel our Maldives babymoon and then 2 more holidays as when she was getting better we would book a trip then she would get sick as we didn't understand what was going on.
She is better now which is all that matters and we are just back from the Maldives so things are looking up.
Since we should of had a little one this year she wasn't too keen for having xmas at home, so I suggested some sunshine and now we are going to Dubai on the 22nd of December and back on NYE.
It's been a terrible year for us she had a miscarriage in April then took blood clots in her lungs, head etc randomly, had to cancel our Maldives babymoon and then 2 more holidays as when she was getting better we would book a trip then she would get sick as we didn't understand what was going on.
She is better now which is all that matters and we are just back from the Maldives so things are looking up.
Since we should of had a little one this year she wasn't too keen for having xmas at home, so I suggested some sunshine and now we are going to Dubai on the 22nd of December and back on NYE.
bloomen said:
I retired from Christmas several years ago. I no longer show up anywhere and usually treat it like any other day.
If people don't dig the commercial aspect of it they can still buy presents but limit themselves to a fiver or tenner per person or something.
+1If people don't dig the commercial aspect of it they can still buy presents but limit themselves to a fiver or tenner per person or something.
As did we.
We only exchange a small nominal gift of a few pounds with the respective in laws. With each other its a few small novelty items to have something to open on the day. This last few years we've just buggered off somewhere warm for the duration.
This year we're for Lanzarote 22nd Dec -> 2nd Jan in a private villa we've booked for the two of us, therefore no need for christmas decorations up before we go or turkey etc.
My son lives in Australia and hes off to a villa in Vanuatu with his girlfriend for the duration, so its not like we've family at home.
We'll do the local Christmas markets etc coming up to Christmas, and we've a couple of nights out planned, but otherwise avoiding the event
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