Messing yourself....

[carguy45]

Lemming Train said:

Having done something similar involving diesel (auto cut-off on a truck diesel pump didn't cut off) I am very surprised that it 'only' took "3-4 showers" to get rid of the smell. I could still smell remnants of it weeks later after many many washes. It also burns like fk once it's been in contact with your skin for more than 5 mins. You're right about any material or fabric it gets on is only fit for the bin though.

In fairness, I spent about an hour in the shower each time scrubbing like a man possessed lol

[toasty]

Nosebleed. The trickle started so I rushed to the work bogs pinching my nose, opened a cubicle and took a seat.

After a minute I took my hand away to bring forth a mini deluge of blood all over the crotch of my beige chinos.

I had to explain to the boss that it wasn’t a bizarre toilet incident but have to leave and catch the tube home.

FML

[dai1983]

Was on a flight a couple of weeks ago and the air hostess spilled a carton of tomatoes juice down a blokes back by accident. He was fuming inside

[jpringle819]

I seem to have an inability to eat or drink anything without spilling it down my shirt unless I am sitting at a table with a knife and fork. Worst was when I went to Five Guys prior to a night out, first bite saw the contents of my burger come out the other side and roll down my shirt like a slinky. Fortunately Debenhams was still open so I could replace my shirt.

[mandos_01]

Sitting in Byron Burger, managed to knock my entire Oreo milkshake all over my sand coloured golf trousers

Those familiar with said milkshakes will know just how big they are, I had to walk through the town centre looking like I'd pissed myself

[rfisher]

Biggles delivers the goods said:

J4CKO said:

rfisher said:

Google dyspraxia.

Yeah, I am obviously dyspraxic based on three events, two of which were me over a fifteen plus year period.

foiled yet again by autocorrect.

Google dyslexia.

[glenrobbo]

dai1983 said:

Was on a flight a couple of weeks ago and the air hostess spilled a carton of tomatoes juice down a blokes back by accident. He was fuming inside

He would have been a tad chilly outside: it's about -40° out there at 30,000 feet!

[poing]

Costa Latte, in the car! Stopped at the lights and grabbed a quick sip, panicked when the lights changed and squashed the cup. All over my shirt, lap, feet, gear stick, seat. Only about half of it escaped but it felt and looked like a lot more.

The only saving grace was that I was heading home. I now have my own solid (plastic and bamboo apparently) takeaway cup with a screw on top.

[irocfan]

J4CKO said:

rfisher said:

Google dyspraxia.

Yeah, I am obviously dyspraxic based on three events, two of which were me over a fifteen plus year period.

I rather suspect that that was an expression of understanding and sympathy

[jjones]

irocfan said:

Bloke where I used to work sharted in the canteen

Happens to the best of us!

[ambuletz]

One time a colleague had spilt some of his coffee on his white shirt, he acted like his life had ended that day and everyone else in the team talked about it for weeks. To me it wasn't a big deal as you couldn't notice it under his tie and blazer.

[R1gtr]

Heading to Gleneagles to play golf for the first time with 3 mates. Heading down in one car, me wearing my best golf trousers and polo shirt. Stopped at Ballinluig greasy spoon and ordered food. I went for a fried egg and bacon roll, it duly arrived and I clarted it in Tomato sauce being the philistine that I am. I picked it up raising it to my mouth and squeezed it gently sending exploding hot runny yoke all over my front.

Arrived at Gleneagles and had to go straight to the pro-shop for a new shirt. An expensive day out.

[kowalski655]

Nanook said:

Biggles delivers the goods said:

Last week was at the pub for lunch and managed to upend a pot of béarnaise on my red chinos. Sat in the office all afternoon with butter and paragon on my crotch.

I wish you didn't mean tarragon.
The concept of sitting in the office with greased up absolute perfection on your crotch is a much more interesting one.

Thats his chat up line...hence being known for delivering the goods

Had the lid of a Burger King coke come off & explode all over me in the car...worse was that it was the wife that had lifted the cup & given it a squeeze too hard, but *I* got it

[AlexC1981]

I went up to a colleague for a chat just as he was undoing a bottle of blackcurrant juice. When we finished talking he picked up the bottle and shook it hard, forgetting he had just loosened the top. It went everywhere, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Big pink spots and blotches all over his white shirt and he happened to be in the boss's bad books at the time so he wouldn't let him go home to change

[J4CKO]

Roofless Toothless said:

Wait until you've got a baby - they'll happily spew all over your shoulder and down your back at the most auspicious moments.

Have had three and it did happen a few times.

[matrignano]

Condi said:

Pissed myself on an airplane once, does that count?

It does if you tell us exactly how it happened, what you did after the episode, and ideally how you were subsequently ridiculed by any witness present

[85Carrera]

Bowl of cat food on my suit trousers this evening as the cat was being militant and decided to feed her before I got changed. Well, actually, only half of it went on my trousers, the rest went on the floor

[SeeFive]

Roofless Toothless said:

Wait until you've got a baby - they'll happily spew all over your shoulder and down your back at the most auspicious moments.

Not my baby (Rod Stewart impression over) but was over 3 hours late for work one day. On the way to London Bridge, between Clapham jct and LB, someone else’s baby threw up over my crotch.

Had to get off at LB, go back to Horley wet and stinking of baby puke, drive home, clean up and don a fresh suit, drive back to the station and go back again.

If you are ever 3+ hours late for work via public transport, you now have a ready made excuse that not many would dream up as a lie to cover a duvet morning.

[Gargamel]

jjones said:

irocfan said:

Bloke where I used to work sharted in the canteen

Happens to the best of us!

It really doesn’t.

[Johnspex]

Gargamel said:

jjones said:

irocfan said:

Bloke where I used to work sharted in the canteen

Happens to the best of us!

It really doesn’t.

Never happened to me and I am the best of us.