Messing yourself....

[Blown2CV]

i tend to avoid messy things for office lunches because why tempt fate? For me it's dishes that have long pieces such as bits of veg, and then very wet saucy base. fking goes all over my clothes. Mrs 2CV does most of the cooking because she works a 15 hour week but I do about a 60 hour week. I have tried to explain the situation about 'wet food' and office lunches a few times now but the message is not landing and I don't want to sound like some kind of 1960s 'beat the wife' bully.

[havoc]

J4CKO said:

Roofless Toothless said:

Wait until you've got a baby - they'll happily spew all over your shoulder and down your back at the most auspicious moments.

Have had three and it did happen a few times.

Not that often with my kids (so dar)...but when my lad was a toddler (well, 3 or so), one time he was feeling unwell and sorry for himself, and he very suddenly threw up...except because he was feeling unwell and sorry for himself, he was sitting/lying on my lap at the time watching TV. My jeans were covered and soaked-through, my favourite belt was a write-off, and I was desperately trying to stop (a) him jumping off my lap in distress as he'd cover the expensive woollen rug in puke; (b) it running off my lap down the cracks in the sofa; and (c) my gag reflex from kicking in.

I've had better days...



The worst self-inflicted one though was in the early days of dating my (now) wife - first holiday together, in Paris. For our first meal there, we've found somewhere nice, I decide to order a lobster dish...which comes covered in a creamy sauce. Try and lever the meat away from the shell underneath...except the meat was welded to part of the shell (overcooked?), and stayed welded to the shell...until my increasingly forceful levering loosened it, all of a sudden...and the creamy/greasy sauce went all over my red shirt. (In my defence this was >15 years ago and I was in my unfashionable 20s)
(And yes, she sat there pissing herself laughing...still married me though!)

[TaylotS2K]

Gargamel said:

jjones said:

irocfan said:

Bloke where I used to work sharted in the canteen

Happens to the best of us!

It really doesn’t.

Happened to my mate at a wedding. Beige trousers n all.....

[Galsia]

rfisher said:

Google dyspraxia.

I don't need to , I can just watch that guy falling about the place on Doctor Who.

[J-Tuner]

Berkshire bred said:

2 litre bottle of fizz on the passenger seat of my mx5, I have to touch the brakes and it slides of the seat into the passenger foot well. I think 'fk it' and leave there to get it once home. I then forget about it and give it a boot full at the next opportunity, bottle of fizz shoots back into the seat rail which puts a hole into the bottle. fking everywhere is where it went, over the entire interior, all glass and covering me, I'm still driving as this happens, sod all I can do as I can't see or reach the bd, also it's dark. Pulled over and indiscriminatly threw the fker out the car. Nothing to clean anything with so had to drive home like it. As you can imagine I was swearing considerably. When I made the mistake of reciting my misfortune everyone found it highly amusing.

Similar tale of woe i guess may fit in a bit here and might raise a few laughs:

Many moons ago, Went on a costco run and randomly picked up a huge glass jar full of pickled eggs, which were then placed with care into the back of my 106Gti. Then followed a rather pleasant and highly spirited drive home. All was well with the world upon pulling up, until i opened the boot and found 40 or so pickled eggs rolling around the boot carpet mixed with broken glass and about 2 litres of malt vinegar nowwhere to be seen. The vinegar had made its way down the back of the rear seats into the floor wells and soaked into the seat custions etc. This was in the middle of summer - and although i was fuming i couldn't help but have a good laugh it the absurdity of the situation.

I had to strip the entire rear end of the car and pressure wash repeatedly over the course of a few days. Huge amounts of febreeze was used. Even after all that the heat caused a re-emmergence of the unmistakable stench of pickled eggs (read farts) inside the car. I found myself driving like ace ventura with my head out the window whilst the smell dissipated, be it temporarily. Passengers were off limits!

Eventually the smell went after additional bottles of febreeze were administered but it took a good year before it had gone. I sold the car on not long after and no comments were made

[Silverbullet767]

J-Tuner said:

Similar tale of woe i guess may fit in a bit here and might raise a few laughs:

Many moons ago, Went on a costco run and randomly picked up a huge glass jar full of pickled eggs, which were then placed with care into the back of my 106Gti. Then followed a rather pleasant and highly spirited drive home. All was well with the world upon pulling up, until i opened the boot and found 40 or so pickled eggs rolling around the boot carpet mixed with broken glass and about 2 litres of malt vinegar nowwhere to be seen. The vinegar had made its way down the back of the rear seats into the floor wells and soaked into the seat custions etc. This was in the middle of summer - and although i was fuming i couldn't help but have a good laugh it the absurdity of the situation.

I had to strip the entire rear end of the car and pressure wash repeatedly over the course of a few days. Huge amounts of febreeze was used. Even after all that the heat caused a re-emmergence of the unmistakable stench of pickled eggs (read farts) inside the car. I found myself driving like ace ventura with my head out the window whilst the smell dissipated, be it temporarily. Passengers were off limits!

Eventually the smell went after additional bottles of febreeze were administered but it took a good year before it had gone. I sold the car on not long after and no comments were made

Reminds me of the time my mate threw up in my dads car, in the height of summer after eating lots of cheese sandwiches and about a gallon of orange juice. I don't feel so goo....SPLAT.

Took a few months for the smell to go.

[Pat H]

J4CKO said:

RedWhiteMonkey said:

My wife is a teacher and a colleague of hers had a kid st himself in class yesterday. Poor kid ain’t going to live that one down any time soon.

39 years and counting for one kid at school, A lad called Whittaker shat himself (admittedly not the first time) so instant nick name coined of "sttaker"

I was at school with Boggy Hussein, who earned his name when aged seven back in 1976. He's yet to live it down.