Single forever

[tinytim123]

SkinnyPete said:

It's quite ironic really as typically extroverts annoy me; arrogant, loud, brash, attention seeking etc. However, our culture is dominated by this extrovert ideal persona which people must adopt to be successful and I agree it does get you places, I tend to flip between the two depending on who's company I'm in.

Need to chime in here. Just because you’re social and outgoing does not mean you are extroverted.

The classic extrovert/introvert definitions are about how you get your energy and reward mechanisms work. Extroverts get a hit of dopamine when they are in social situations and therefore characteristics tend to lead to being outgoing etc.

Introverts tend to look inwards and enjoy time on their own because they can recharge.

Both introverts and extroverts can exhibit both behaviours. I know a lot of introverts that are very sociable but after a period of time they have had enough and want to be on their own for a bit. It’s frustrating because the extroverts think they need to ‘come out their shell’ or whatever.

As for the negative traits you mention - arrogance etc well that has nothing to do with whether you’re an extrovert or introvert. People aren’t one or the other too. It’s a scale and you can fall anywhere on it.

Seriously you should read ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain, or at least watch her TED Talk. Lots of people assume you need to be extroverted to be successful but that is not the case at all.

Perhaps reading this kind of stuff might help open your eyes a bit more to the world around you? Not having a go... but you’re asking for ways to enrich a single life; learning can be a great way of doing that and you could start here.

[anonymous-user]

tinytim123 said:

I know a lot of introverts that are very sociable but after a period of time they have had enough and want to be on their own for a bit.

This is me to a tee! Many people mistake me for an extrovert as I love being sociable and used to do a lot of big presentations and was in a few bands and loved being in the limelight. But I’ll then happily spend a lot of time on my own until I need my next ‘hit’.

[V1nce Fox]

Robertj21a said:

DoubleTime said:

Single or married. Both have upsides and downsides depending on the specific circumstances.

Ive been a single man without much cash which wasn’t much fun. Conversely though I’ve been a single man with a decent chunk of disposable and traveled to my hearts content which is where I met the ol’ ball and chain.

I dig marriage but my life is still very diverse and I intend to keep it that way otherwise I may just die of boredom.

I can say this with 100% certainty though. Some guys I know are fking miserable a lot of the time in their marriages and think about the alternatives regularly but it’s only the kids that keep them on that treadmill. What torture that must be.

If guys were totally honest, I think this sums up rather a large % of men nowadays !

Agreed, I see this quite a lot.

[SiDon]

The majority of married men live their lives in quiet desperation

[g3org3y]

SiDon said:

The majority of married men live their lives in quiet desperation

It's the English way.

[johnnyBv8]

I'm 41, been in various relationships but always had doubts and never really felt that I was going to commit to them for the rest of my life....and wasn't too fussed either way about kids. A couple of years ago met someone that is amazing, and for the first time have had none of those doubts. I do occasionally worry about always remaining the kind of person I want to be in a relationship (e.g. how to avoid becoming a grumpy old man!), but the relationship feels right for me. She's 30, and very much on the 'marry and have kids' life plan.....I can see that my life on this route will be harder work in some ways than the bachelor route I was heading down (did someone say "compromise"?!), but ultimately I suspect that the settling down route will gives better potential for more 'overall' happiness over the next 40 years.

I suppose the messages from the above ramble are that you don't know where your life will take you, and who you'll meet - you certainly don't need to decide at age 31. The focuses you mention in terms of being sociable, investing in long term friendships etc are good and healthy ways to live whatever your relationship status.

[TameRacingDriver]

bloomen said:

Well I’m 42 and have been with my missus since 18. I can honestly say regardless of age no woman has ever really found me attractive. I’m in good shape, not broke, not a total social retard or the like, but just no. There’s just that certain type of light that’s never shone on me. Even my misses only went out with me as she was drunk at the time and thought I looked like one of the guys out of boyzone! Lol.

Then there’s my best mate who’s a top bloke but broke, not the smartest person, doesn’t have a super career or anything and he’s just a lady magnet. My 18 year old son is the same, since nursery he’s had them chasing him, I currently can’t even remember the names of all his girlie mates I’ve started just numbering them instead.

This almost certainly describes me as well.

I'm 39 now but up until I was 29 I pretty much felt I would be single forever. A total "failure" with women I was. Then on a drunken xmas night out I met my current girlfriend.

I know for a fact I'm not really what she would truly like - she's more into your Vin Diesels / Jason Stathams of this world. I couldn't be more different from that! I'm just Mr Average who can't even grow fking stubble and still gets acne spots FFS!

She is 5 years my senior though so maybe it was what some of the others were talking about when they said a woman of 35 or over will take just about anything!

No kids here though, never wanted them, made that clear to here from a very early stage, and am happy that I have still avoided that.

I do care for my girlfriend a lot and she seems to love the bones off me for some reason that utterly escapes me. I am fairly content with the arrangement all-in-all. She's easy going, undemanding, all the qualities you must have to accept me as a partner! whereas some of my mates have much better looking girlfriends, and on the face of it, seem a catch, but who are either as dull as dishwater, a complete psychopath, or a bit of both.

Having said all of that, if things went tits up, I'd quite happily live singly again and not look back. Now as I reach the middle age I understand that being single isn't really a bad thing even if some people think it is.

[Adenauer]

I think you two ^^ ugly fkers need to have a word with yourselves and try and get a bit more self esteem.

[johnwilliams77]

Adenauer said:

I think you two ^^ ugly fkers need to have a word with yourselves and try and get a bit more self esteem.

Charmer

[bloomen]

johnwilliams77 said:

Charmer

I find stamping on someone's voice box and screaming at them 'have better self esteem' for a straight 72 hours followed by stabbing them up the botty with a molten bayonet usually has them leaving with a skip in their step and the huge boost in confidence they paid me for.

[Adenauer]

johnwilliams77 said:

Adenauer said:

I think you two ^^ ugly fkers need to have a word with yourselves and try and get a bit more self esteem.

Charmer

Oh come on, I put a smiley on my post so that makes it harmless

It's all a bit woe is me though, isn't it?

Or is this another example of modern Britain and how everyone must have a defect?

[TameRacingDriver]

Adenauer said:

I think you two ^^ ugly fkers need to have a word with yourselves and try and get a bit more self esteem.

Now you know why I never take my helmet off

[Adenauer]

TameRacingDriver said:

Adenauer said:

I think you two ^^ ugly fkers need to have a word with yourselves and try and get a bit more self esteem.

Now you know why I never take my helmet off

Understandable, but at least you have a sense of humour.

[Robertj21a]

TameRacingDriver said:

This almost certainly describes me as well.

I'm 39 now but up until I was 29 I pretty much felt I would be single forever. A total "failure" with women I was. Then on a drunken xmas night out I met my current girlfriend.

I know for a fact I'm not really what she would truly like - she's more into your Vin Diesels / Jason Stathams of this world. I couldn't be more different from that! I'm just Mr Average who can't even grow fking stubble and still gets acne spots FFS!

She is 5 years my senior though so maybe it was what some of the others were talking about when they said a woman of 35 or over will take just about anything!

No kids here though, never wanted them, made that clear to here from a very early stage, and am happy that I have still avoided that.

I do care for my girlfriend a lot and she seems to love the bones off me for some reason that utterly escapes me. I am fairly content with the arrangement all-in-all. She's easy going, undemanding, all the qualities you must have to accept me as a partner! whereas some of my mates have much better looking girlfriends, and on the face of it, seem a catch, but who are either as dull as dishwater, a complete psychopath, or a bit of both.

Having said all of that, if things went tits up, I'd quite happily live singly again and not look back. Now as I reach the middle age I understand that being single isn't really a bad thing even if some people think it is.

So very true. We've become conditioned to assuming that happiness equates to being married, having a nice house, 2 children etc etc. For many guys (and some women) that simply isn't true and a single life can be far more enjoyable.

[Blown2CV]

the flip side of the age-old impasse of course is that you can never know what having kids is really like until you do it. Until then you are only making assumptions about it. I am genuinely not trying to convince anyone to reassess their decision to not settle down and have kids, but these discussions always get very close to (or directly enter into) non-parents going on about how terrible being being a parent is, and then saying parents are all bores who go on about parenting when some well-meaning parent tries to counter.

[Alan_B]

Enjoy being single. Do what you want, when you want to do it and have no one to answer to (unless you have hobbies that the ol' rozzers would object to).

I'm 31 and after my last relationship failed 15 months ago it was only maybe the last 3 months I have realised how lucky I am. Healty, reasonably good looking, and no real worries in life.

You'll never find 'the one' if you are looking too hard. I really don't care myself, if someone comes along who I would compromise for then I know they are the one.

Turning 30 sucked, 31 and now I realise this is the prime of life. Enjoy it!

[George Smiley]

Wait till you hit 40

[Porcelain Ponderer]

TameRacingDriver said:

a woman of 35 or over will take just about anything!

snigger.

[bloomen]

Robertj21a said:

So very true. We've become conditioned to assuming that happiness equates to being married, having a nice house, 2 children etc etc. For many guys (and some women) that simply isn't true and a single life can be far more enjoyable.

There's degrees of it. The idea of being fully nested makes me want to puke, followed by dying. I struggle to think of any set up I'd want less.

The idea of someone to wander the world with is rather more appealing, but unfortunately most take that as a precursor to nesting whereas that's the endgame for me.

[George Smiley]

Blown2CV said:

the flip side of the age-old impasse of course is that you can never know what having kids is really like until you do it. Until then you are only making assumptions about it. I am genuinely not trying to convince anyone to reassess their decision to not settle down and have kids, but these discussions always get very close to (or directly enter into) non-parents going on about how terrible being being a parent is, and then saying parents are all bores who go on about parenting when some well-meaning parent tries to counter.

Indeed