Single forever

[Sheets Tabuer]

46 and find women a massive pain in the arse these days.

Be happy being single.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Never give up hope. I always told myself that there are plenty of short sighted women with low expectations out there. And eventually, I found one.

[Hoofy]

Benni said:

On my own for almost 40 years now, wasted too many years on beer & dope,

probably accompanied / caused by heavy depression. Lost all friends.

Got over that after long therapy when I was ready for it, but except being clean & sober now nothing changed.

The concept of having friends or even a girlfriend seems quite nice, but that train has left the station

and the station has been abandoned and demolished.

I guess other people are better off without me.

Got used to it, keep myself busy with tinkering and weekend fame on microphone.

btw : does inert gas get off after long storage ?

Having a gf is one thing but not having friends is another.

There are so many opportunities to get out there and meet people who could become friends.
-join a local sports club, pick any sport that takes your fancy and see if they have a beginner's section
-try another kind of club or society, even artists have local groups
-check out meetup.com and see which local groups sound interesting
-and last but not least, what about local PH meets? If there's none going, then organise one at a local pub with a car park.

But I don't see why you don't have any friends given what you do at the weekend??

[Aphex]

You're meant to be a boomer, not a doomer

[anonymous-user]

red_slr said:

Wait till you are 35 you will have women of similar age throwing themselves at you. Literally. They get desperate around that age. Assuming that's what you want. IYSWIM. So long as you have a stable job etc they will be climbing over each other to get to you.

Totally agree with this, unless you are an Alpha wannabe love island contestant, then most average men don't hit their prime until they are 35. When women are young they literally have their pick so will ride the cock carousel hard dating the exciting bad boys. However, these top 20% guys also have their pick so none of them are going to commit so you have this situation where 20% of guys are getting 80% of the sex and both parties are happy with this arrangement, swapping between themsleves.

However, as a woman hits 32/33 the ride starts to slow down and all her friends start settling down and having babies. Suddenly all those men she wouldn't have looked twice at in her 20s start to look attractive as they have stable jobs, houses etc. all the things she is looking for now.

If these women believe they will still find Mr Perfect then they will likely remain single and around 37/38 really start to panic and have unbelievable baby rabies. At this point they are likely so desperate that they are likely to be prepared to get pregnant by literally anyone to have a baby. These are the ones you meet on POF who say "don't worry, I am on the pill" or 'better than that, I can't get pregnant" and who subsequently message you three months later saying "we really need to talk!"

The other group of women you get are those that married young, had children and are now in their mid/late 30's and divorced. They may have had a bit of carousel action after their divorce but are starting to realise that is not going anywhere and they need to lock down a wallet and substitute baby daddy before her last remaining looks abandon her.

The tables really turn for women in their mid 30s and suddenly the men hold all the dating power. Just don't do anything stupid and commit to the first one that gives you sex or get one of them pregnant.

Unfortunately women are like the weather, best enjoyed between 18 and 30!

[SirLurker]

SkinnyPete said:

...I’ve been conscious for the past couple of years that I’ll probably never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, or have children with, regretfully.

SkinnyPete said:

... I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.

Seriously Pete, google British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or phone up your private health care provider for a consultation - don't think about it or wait. Go and tell a professional what you've said here. You're probably not depressed and probably don't need it, but there's no harm and it doesn't cost that much if anything...

...and as others have said, you'll be fine, you're only 30. The more long lasting relationships happen when you're least expecting it. 30-40 is a great age to find love and have kids.

Good luck.

[joema]

Sounds like you want it... As you're trying to accept something which implies you have other aspirations.

But your attitude towards accepting it isn't going to help achieve it. Get comfortable with yourself and get yourself out there. It's sometimes st but if you're not out there you'll never meet anyone...

It may happen when you don't expect it. And if you keep socialising some day it might.

[designforlife]

Didn't meet my wife until I was 32, 34 now and got married last year...she is also my age.

If you were in your 50s i would understand your sentiment, but 31 is far too young to call it.

[Du1point8]

My brother has 10 years on you and still has never really been interested in finding anyone.

Happy by himself and doing his own stuff and has the lads like him to go have beers with... I think it might hit him later in life, but we make our choices.

[C70R]

shirt said:

31 lol. you;re only just getting into your stride, a fully formed person and your peak years are in front of you. enjoy it.

Indeed.

If you were 61, then I'd say you might have a point, although even then there are still opportunities.

At 31 you could still meet 100 girls who were right for you, if you made the effort.

It sounds more like you're just on a bit of a downer, rather than destined to be single.

[C70R]

condor said:

I prefer being on my own and am not on the dating scene.

Since when was dating a "scene"?

You could meet someone anywhere and ask them to go out for a coffee.

Don't be so defeatist.

[C70R]

SirLurker said:

SkinnyPete said:

...I’ve been conscious for the past couple of years that I’ll probably never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, or have children with, regretfully.

SkinnyPete said:

... I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.

Seriously Pete, google British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or phone up your private health care provider for a consultation - don't think about it or wait. Go and tell a professional what you've said here. You're probably not depressed and probably don't need it, but there's no harm and it doesn't cost that much if anything...

...and as others have said, you'll be fine, you're only 30. The more long lasting relationships happen when you're least expecting it. 30-40 is a great age to find love and have kids.

Good luck.

Agreed.

[jdw100]

Never had a problem meeting women or making friends ( male and female)

Came out of a 14 year long relationship at age 46. No kids by mutual consent.

Five years later - been married for three years and have an 18 month old daughter.

Never thought I’d have kids - it’s now the best thing I’ve ever done!

Retired, so I have all day with her (when she is not at playgroup).

Amazing and we’re seriously considering having a second.

At 31 I was more concerned with work, partying etc.

How OP can predict rest of his life is beyond me.....

[S1KRR]

I probably fit into this mould

40,
Can quite happily talk to women. Professionally and flirt. Can be relatively extrovert if required.
Single for a long time, (to the disbelief of various colleagues over the years) Genuinely haven't had sex in over a year! And No! I'm not going to get an Escort as 1 friend suggested! )
Dabble at online dating (predominantly Bumble currently, but previously tinder and POF) Most seem to fizzle out somewhere between texts, initial phone call and actually meeting. Not sure if its my chat or just the ladies in question not being that serious about meeting anybody.
Few dates here and there. Nothing tends to go beyond 2 or 3 dates.
Interest from various ladies over that time that I eschewed for various reasons (not interested, or in a recent case couldn't believe the fit 26 year old was interested in me!)

Often listen to stories from people I know about how their life isn't their own anymore. Point out that they are being messed about, that they wouldn't put up with a mate treating them like that. But they talk about how they "love her" and "you wouldn't understand S1KRR" Which makes me think "do I really want that?" Currently I answer only to myself and my bank account. I've booked a week in New York for later this year for example. Could I do that if there was A.N.Other or kids?


Have my own interests (generally singular sporting pursuits) mortgage on my property, earn above average wage. Over 6' Not receding, Everyone says I look 5-10yrs younger. Maybe I was hexed by someone years ago

I guess not everyone is destined to have a partner and kids. Luckily there's no pressure since my sibling has 3 children with his GF. So there are Grandchildren for my parents to spoil.

[Hoofy]

S1KRR said:

stuff

If you're happy with your current situation, that's all that matters. I was single for about 8 years and once I got used to it, I was quite happy doing my own thing when I want and how I want.

As for not having sex for a year, well, I'm not into one night stands so by the time I next got lucky, it was like a water cannon, she was pinned against the opposite wall.

[SkinnyPete]

Well thank you for all the sincere comments however I must have articulated myself poorly because the discussion has not been what I was expecting, so apologies for that.

This isn’t about the notion of being single forever and self-pity, it’s about taking advantage of being single forever and living your life in an intelligent and creative way, and that is why I was asking for suggestions.

g3org3y said:

SkinnyPete said:

I'm not talking about success with women (whatever your definition may be), I'm talking about the likelihood of meeting someone who you like enough to keep around for more than a few weeks, and who simultaneously feels the same way about you. The chances are incredibly slim, I'm amazed it happens so often for other people.

Why do you say this?

There are very few girls I've met who I'd want to be in a long-term relationship with, and of course they have to feel the same way about you.

It doesn't help that new people are so easy to meet thanks to online dating, as this also means they are easy to replace.

NoVetec said:

SkinnyPete said:

To compensate for this, I’ve become far more of a socialite, more of an extrovert, more of a risk taker, always pushing my boundaries, always looking for the next opportunity and adventure.

I'm not discounting the rest of your OP, it's just this stuck out as the most important thing to respond to for me, and something that my hungover brain could deal with right now...

Are you comfortable with both yourself and your life with regard to socialising more, taking more risks and generally being more extroverted?

If so a progression of personality can and does help with meeting new people, gaining knowledge and experience which in turns helps to foster a wider net of life skills that can be used in gaining and maintaining a romantic relationship amongst other things. Plus it's really the other way around - you doing these new things and indulging in a different way of living lead to your personal progress.

However if you feel overly anxious/uncomfortable/strained/stressed/overthinking/what am I doing/who is this then this side of you is a persona. Worst thing that could happen in relation to meeting a nice lady is that you meet one who is attracted to the person they think you are, before realising that you're not that type of man. You'll be artificially compatible until the inevitable failure.

It's quite ironic really as typically extroverts annoy me; arrogant, loud, brash, attention seeking etc. However, our culture is dominated by this extrovert ideal persona which people must adopt to be successful and I agree it does get you places, I tend to flip between the two depending on who's company I'm in.

[Welshbeef]

You could be gay and simply not seeing what’s in front of you.

Possibly you don’t think you are but maybe you are - I’ve a couple of gay mates one always was the other was a big surprise he had a strong a ladies (hot ladies at that) got engaged a couple of times but then he found what he really was looking for and never looked back since.
I’ve been to many a gay bar and when said mates have birthday parties they want to go to gay clubs which means I’ve been to plenty in my lifetime - I’m not gay but it’s a really good fun night out none of the usual crap you get in straight clubs.

Don’t just say your not gay you may we’ll be and simply discounting what might be a great life and partnership.

[SkinnyPete]

Welshbeef said:

You could be gay and simply not seeing what’s in front of you.

Possibly you don’t think you are but maybe you are - I’ve a couple of gay mates one always was the other was a big surprise he had a strong a ladies (hot ladies at that) got engaged a couple of times but then he found what he really was looking for and never looked back since.
I’ve been to many a gay bar and when said mates have birthday parties they want to go to gay clubs which means I’ve been to plenty in my lifetime - I’m not gay but it’s a really good fun night out none of the usual crap you get in straight clubs.

Don’t just say your not gay you may we’ll be and simply discounting what might be a great life and partnership.

It's not gay if you don't push back?

[George Smiley]

It’s not gay if you’re gay

[Welshbeef]

SkinnyPete said:

Welshbeef said:

You could be gay and simply not seeing what’s in front of you.

Possibly you don’t think you are but maybe you are - I’ve a couple of gay mates one always was the other was a big surprise he had a strong a ladies (hot ladies at that) got engaged a couple of times but then he found what he really was looking for and never looked back since.
I’ve been to many a gay bar and when said mates have birthday parties they want to go to gay clubs which means I’ve been to plenty in my lifetime - I’m not gay but it’s a really good fun night out none of the usual crap you get in straight clubs.

Don’t just say your not gay you may we’ll be and simply discounting what might be a great life and partnership.

It's not gay if you don't push back?

But Op and countless other single guys who for whatever reason as yet have not met “the one” or simply someone they could compromise with might actually be a genuine gay man or gay girl.

Embrace it