Sad day at work yesterday
Discussion
wormus said:
A lot or large companies or public sector bodies have counselling services or mental first aiders. Mental wellness is considered just as important as physical.
Sadly, still got a way to go to recognise the impact to personal and business life as demonstrated by some of the replies in this thread.Thing is, it's an even bigger impact. You break your leg skiing and it's maybe 3 months. You have a mental breakdown due to overwhelming stress and you're off for a year or two.
Useful link: http://www.mindsatworkmovement.com/
Fortunately I've not experienced any death of friends or colleagues, however a a very close colleague of my daughters boyfriend died last week from a heart attack, he was only mid 40's.
My daughter said it has affected him quite badly and being the boss he had to arrange a meeting to inform everyone which he found very hard to do, he hasn't slept well since.
My daughter said it has affected him quite badly and being the boss he had to arrange a meeting to inform everyone which he found very hard to do, he hasn't slept well since.
keirik said:
kiethton said:
keirik said:
Very sad news but why would his employer be responsible for providing a counsellor?
Not legally responsible but it's a decent thing to offer and you'd be a pretty bad employer if you didn't tbh - worth far more than it's cost, even if only offered as a gestureIf it's a large company it would never stop.
Times change I guess
It's the finality that gets to you the most and the reminder that everything is temporary.
A guy I worked with for a number of years was found at home having died of a heart attack over the weekend some years ago (44 years old). I received the news from another workmate on the Sunday evening. On Monday morning i got in to find several emails from him asking about a new project we were starting; they were sent on Friday before he went home for the weekend..... took a bit of getting over.
A guy I worked with for a number of years was found at home having died of a heart attack over the weekend some years ago (44 years old). I received the news from another workmate on the Sunday evening. On Monday morning i got in to find several emails from him asking about a new project we were starting; they were sent on Friday before he went home for the weekend..... took a bit of getting over.
Been lucky to largely avoid colleagues expiring, my closest colleague at the last place (still speak) turned yellow and nearly died which was hard, looking like Homer Simpson colour with Mr Burns weight didnt help, one lady took one look at him and burst into tears, which to be fair to him doesnt do much for your hope of a full recovery, he did recover, we got made redundant, got a better a job and now has a girlfriend. So, however dark stuff looks, you can still come back from 3 1 down with ten mins to go.
A boss at the Police went to walk his dog one evening and died.
A contractor started one Monday, then didnt turn in, boss rang the agency to ask where he was and he had died.
A chap at Woolworths (in IT) went in for a transplant and didnt make it, I hadn't been there long but he was a well known, well liked chap who had been there a long time, it was hard to be there at that point, really felt for them as was a very close knit group.
A boss at the Police went to walk his dog one evening and died.
A contractor started one Monday, then didnt turn in, boss rang the agency to ask where he was and he had died.
A chap at Woolworths (in IT) went in for a transplant and didnt make it, I hadn't been there long but he was a well known, well liked chap who had been there a long time, it was hard to be there at that point, really felt for them as was a very close knit group.
Just remembered another.
He started a new job at the company on the Monday, Monday lunch he collapsed in the canteen. Dead from a heart attack.
Only slight silver lining is that the (very very good) life and death in service cover applied for those he left behind.
Had been on a on year off until then following redundancy!
He started a new job at the company on the Monday, Monday lunch he collapsed in the canteen. Dead from a heart attack.
Only slight silver lining is that the (very very good) life and death in service cover applied for those he left behind.
Had been on a on year off until then following redundancy!
Edited by Henners on Thursday 18th April 14:46
11 years ago I started my first job in Sainsburys, I was 18 at the time. There were 10 of us on the induction and we were all due to work in the same department. One of the guys there was 17, and a fellow diabetic so we got talking. We were due to work together the following weekend.
I turn up on the following Saturday and find out he had died during the week, possibly of an aneurysm. Only met the kid once but still think about him. Bloody awful.
I turn up on the following Saturday and find out he had died during the week, possibly of an aneurysm. Only met the kid once but still think about him. Bloody awful.
I remember this happening in one of my first jobs - many years ago now when I was contracting. I was working for a car leasing company in Solihull, and remember a guy from the accounts team who was shall we say, a little strange. Not particularly sociable, but always seemed to get things done right and on time. One Monday he didn't turn in for work. By Wednesday we were getting concerned - couldn't contact. On either the Thursday of Friday someone went to his house, couldn't get an answer at the door, so looked through the window to find our missing guy hanging from the ceiling. Had lived alone for ages and suicided over the weekend. A lot of shocked people in that office for a few weeks.
Sorry for your loss OP.
I've had a bad couple of years for losing colleagues, particularly the "old hand" I worked with when I first started. He died just over a year ago aged 59. He finished night shift for the week and collapsed with a massive heart attack walking up the stairs to the car park. Unknowingly, I'd been on the same shift and I'd given way to the paramedic that tried to save him.
I didn't actually find out it'd happened until later that day and I still think about him often. He was a nice man.
I've had a bad couple of years for losing colleagues, particularly the "old hand" I worked with when I first started. He died just over a year ago aged 59. He finished night shift for the week and collapsed with a massive heart attack walking up the stairs to the car park. Unknowingly, I'd been on the same shift and I'd given way to the paramedic that tried to save him.
I didn't actually find out it'd happened until later that day and I still think about him often. He was a nice man.
Sorry for your loss OP.
I've had a colleague/friend and a close personal friend die suddenly in recent years, it's a strange feeling.
The colleague was a workaholic and very overweight, highly skilled at his job and very respected. I honestly thought he would meet his maker young due to his ticker packing up. He was like me a biker, but used to just bimble about like Mr Sensible. He'd just bought a brand new bike and the night before he died we stood in the office at the end of the day doing a bit of biker chat, discussing some local rides. The next night he rode straight into a telegraph pole on an innocuous straight road in open countryside, couldn't understand how he had crashed where he did. Only at the inquest did we find out that he was more than twice over the limit, the silly bugger.
My personal friend's suicide is something I will never understand. An outwardly happy, 'glass half full' person, lates 40's, successful in his career and owner of several pieces of PH metal including an excellent 996 Turbo. Lived alone, closed up his boss' work place one day, walked home, then shortly after was seen on CCTV walking back to his workplace, posting the keys and a letter through the door saying "don't go to mine, call the Police" then calmly walked home and hung himself. I miss him terribly and cannot understand why he did it, you just do not know what is going on in someone's otherwise 'normal' head.
I've had a colleague/friend and a close personal friend die suddenly in recent years, it's a strange feeling.
The colleague was a workaholic and very overweight, highly skilled at his job and very respected. I honestly thought he would meet his maker young due to his ticker packing up. He was like me a biker, but used to just bimble about like Mr Sensible. He'd just bought a brand new bike and the night before he died we stood in the office at the end of the day doing a bit of biker chat, discussing some local rides. The next night he rode straight into a telegraph pole on an innocuous straight road in open countryside, couldn't understand how he had crashed where he did. Only at the inquest did we find out that he was more than twice over the limit, the silly bugger.
My personal friend's suicide is something I will never understand. An outwardly happy, 'glass half full' person, lates 40's, successful in his career and owner of several pieces of PH metal including an excellent 996 Turbo. Lived alone, closed up his boss' work place one day, walked home, then shortly after was seen on CCTV walking back to his workplace, posting the keys and a letter through the door saying "don't go to mine, call the Police" then calmly walked home and hung himself. I miss him terribly and cannot understand why he did it, you just do not know what is going on in someone's otherwise 'normal' head.
J4CKO said:
Been lucky to largely avoid colleagues expiring, my closest colleague at the last place (still speak) turned yellow and nearly died which was hard, looking like Homer Simpson colour with Mr Burns weight didnt help, one lady took one look at him and burst into tears, which to be fair to him doesnt do much for your hope of a full recovery, he did recover, we got made redundant, got a better a job and now has a girlfriend. So, however dark stuff looks, you can still come back from 3 1 down with ten mins to go.
A boss at the Police went to walk his dog one evening and died.
A contractor started one Monday, then didnt turn in, boss rang the agency to ask where he was and he had died.
A chap at Woolworths (in IT) went in for a transplant and didnt make it, I hadn't been there long but he was a well known, well liked chap who had been there a long time, it was hard to be there at that point, really felt for them as was a very close knit group.
The moral of the story: be a woman, not a man?A boss at the Police went to walk his dog one evening and died.
A contractor started one Monday, then didnt turn in, boss rang the agency to ask where he was and he had died.
A chap at Woolworths (in IT) went in for a transplant and didnt make it, I hadn't been there long but he was a well known, well liked chap who had been there a long time, it was hard to be there at that point, really felt for them as was a very close knit group.
It's certainly not easy OP and you have my condolences.
I lost a very good friend and work colleague last year in an accident. I still remember the phone call from my line manager at gone 10pm that Friday night.
He was a pivotal member liked by almost everyone in the company and the space he left behind was very difficult to deal with for a while. Talking about it with a professional helped me no end and now I very much enjoy talking about and thinking of him. Just a bloody shame he isn't still here!
Worst part was he was 2 weeks younger than me and I'm not even 27 yet
I lost a very good friend and work colleague last year in an accident. I still remember the phone call from my line manager at gone 10pm that Friday night.
He was a pivotal member liked by almost everyone in the company and the space he left behind was very difficult to deal with for a while. Talking about it with a professional helped me no end and now I very much enjoy talking about and thinking of him. Just a bloody shame he isn't still here!
Worst part was he was 2 weeks younger than me and I'm not even 27 yet
This afternoon 2 young women came to Rob's desk.
They carefully went through his desk draws looking at all of the paperwork and note pads.
They read every post-it on his, not so tidy, desk and put them back exactly as they found them, including where something was sat on top???
The post-it that's half on his desk and half on mine is back in exactly the same position as before!
Very cold, very strange.
They carefully went through his desk draws looking at all of the paperwork and note pads.
They read every post-it on his, not so tidy, desk and put them back exactly as they found them, including where something was sat on top???
The post-it that's half on his desk and half on mine is back in exactly the same position as before!
Very cold, very strange.
sorry to hear about this, is it looking like suicide? Looking at that chart and from what I've heard off medical professionals it's a staggering percentage of young deaths, and by a massive margin in men.... I heard somewhere near 80% of all suicides. I guess blokes just don't want to talk about things.
ironv8 said:
sorry to hear about this, is it looking like suicide? Looking at that chart and from what I've heard off medical professionals it's a staggering percentage of young deaths, and by a massive margin in men.... I heard somewhere near 80% of all suicides. I guess blokes just don't want to talk about things.
I saw some figures some years ago that indicated that more men commit suicide but more women attempt it. The difference was mainly due to method, men picking violent methods and women more keen on overdoses which are notoriously unreliable. Also apparently, women are more likely to survive jumping from high objects.so called said:
This afternoon 2 young women came to Rob's desk.
They carefully went through his desk draws looking at all of the paperwork and note pads.
They read every post-it on his, not so tidy, desk and put them back exactly as they found them, including where something was sat on top???
The post-it that's half on his desk and half on mine is back in exactly the same position as before!
Very cold, very strange.
I think they're trying to get on with their own work while remaining as respectful as they can be until they have been told how to deal with it.They carefully went through his desk draws looking at all of the paperwork and note pads.
They read every post-it on his, not so tidy, desk and put them back exactly as they found them, including where something was sat on top???
The post-it that's half on his desk and half on mine is back in exactly the same position as before!
Very cold, very strange.
My O/H came home from work a while back very upset and saying, "I tried my best, I tried my best..." then burst into tears. Turns out a colleague had collapsed at work and she'd performed CPR until the paramedics arrived and took over. Unfortunately despite their best efforts.he died on the office floor.
She'd interviewed several candidates for promotion a couple of days previously and he was by far the best of the bunch; sadly she hadn't yet been able to tell him.
Ironically, in a previous job, she was given an award for saving someone's life when he had a heart attack at work; she has really beaten herself up because she failed (in her view) the second time.
She'd interviewed several candidates for promotion a couple of days previously and he was by far the best of the bunch; sadly she hadn't yet been able to tell him.
Ironically, in a previous job, she was given an award for saving someone's life when he had a heart attack at work; she has really beaten herself up because she failed (in her view) the second time.
If counseling is available I would strongly urge the OP to take it, even a brief chat with a suitably qualified person may well help even if only to decide it is not required. I've been in a similar situation a few times in my working life, upsetting but not debilitating for me. But I have seen colleagues badly affected, counseling was a great help to them.
One such event which I remember vividly is when I got to drive the bosses nearly new XJ Jag. A colleague didn't turn up for work, tried phoning, no reply. After 3 days the boss says "get over to his place and find out whats going on, take my car". I thought all my birthdays had come at once, I get to drive a nearly new V12 Jaguar (Daimler?). Looking through the guys letterbox and seeing him lying there rather took the shine off the day. Pre mobile phones so tried the neighbours, no one in, ended up phoning from the local shop while customers stood around me listening. Goolish b
ds went to watch the arrival of police and ambulance. Worse still was the drive back to the office to tell my colleagues.
One such event which I remember vividly is when I got to drive the bosses nearly new XJ Jag. A colleague didn't turn up for work, tried phoning, no reply. After 3 days the boss says "get over to his place and find out whats going on, take my car". I thought all my birthdays had come at once, I get to drive a nearly new V12 Jaguar (Daimler?). Looking through the guys letterbox and seeing him lying there rather took the shine off the day. Pre mobile phones so tried the neighbours, no one in, ended up phoning from the local shop while customers stood around me listening. Goolish b
ds went to watch the arrival of police and ambulance. Worse still was the drive back to the office to tell my colleagues.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff