Sad day at work yesterday
Discussion
t or get hr to. It ain’t a shrine
I feel for you mate, I lost a colleague a couple of years ago to a motorcycle crash... took me a while to get over it as it was the first time someone in my "bubble" who isn't family has died.
He was one of the few people in my company i genuinely liked, and he was a really, really good bloke.
I still have his little jade buddha statue on my desk, as a mark of respect and rememberance.
Honestly I would speak to HR about getting his stuff cleared, he may also have personal effects in his drawers that his family might want, so you would absolutely be doing the right thing by him.
He was one of the few people in my company i genuinely liked, and he was a really, really good bloke.
I still have his little jade buddha statue on my desk, as a mark of respect and rememberance.
Honestly I would speak to HR about getting his stuff cleared, he may also have personal effects in his drawers that his family might want, so you would absolutely be doing the right thing by him.
keirik said:
Very sad news but why would his employer be responsible for providing a counsellor?
It helps people deal with grief and shock and stress. lots of businesses use EAPs and they offer critical incident help for staff in similar circumstances.its not grief counselling as that comes in later if required but having a counsellor / therapist access in the early stages can be extremely helpful
Nom de ploom said:
keirik said:
Very sad news but why would his employer be responsible for providing a counsellor?
It helps people deal with grief and shock and stress. lots of businesses use EAPs and they offer critical incident help for staff in similar circumstances.its not grief counselling as that comes in later if required but having a counsellor / therapist access in the early stages can be extremely helpful
My recent ex is now one, which is ironic as she has no emotional intelligence and the word narcissist was made for her (this is not a bitter ex talking, this is a victim).
George Smiley said:
I’m not saying don’t be upset but take matters into your own hands, contractor or not you are being directly affected so do something
Understand your point and yes, I should go to HR or the Office Manager.My dilemma is simply that I liked the guy and if I request that they clear his desk then it will be a case of 'that's that', move on and start to forget.
I'm not quite ready for that yet. His personal bits are keeping the recent memories very clear.
I'm personally not touching any off his stuff simply because of what happened last week with the 'visitors' going through all of his paperwork, Post-it's etc., and then leaving as was.
I'll let the wheels turn at their own pace and deal with it.
Cheers.
Sorry to now sound a bit binary but he’s dead the things are just objects. Keep something as a reminder but clearing his desk isn’t denying his existence
Whilst setting up my will the solicitor asked how much set aside for the funeral and wake. Nothing I said, shove me in a cardboard box. Wakes are pointless and full of “oh we should meet up more often” type crap
He’s gone. He’s dead. His desk is just a desk but your memories are yours.
Whilst setting up my will the solicitor asked how much set aside for the funeral and wake. Nothing I said, shove me in a cardboard box. Wakes are pointless and full of “oh we should meet up more often” type crap
He’s gone. He’s dead. His desk is just a desk but your memories are yours.
Sad times OP and I can completely understand why you'd feel the way you do. We spend a lot of time with people at work, whether you consider them friends or not they become part of the day to day. Always sad hearing of someone passing away young.
I haven't experienced this directly but I do recall at college one of the guys in my tutor group being killed at 18 years old. He was in one class I had per week and I spoke to him but he was a strange lad. Turns out him and his dad were big helicopter fans and he'd actually gained his licence at 18. He ended up in a helicopter accident due to a fault and essentially fell 2,000ft.
Even now (20 years later) it's still something I think about. No one said a word to us about how we felt at the time though. Literally, teacher walked in, stated that this lad had been killed in a Helicopter accident and then walked out.
I haven't experienced this directly but I do recall at college one of the guys in my tutor group being killed at 18 years old. He was in one class I had per week and I spoke to him but he was a strange lad. Turns out him and his dad were big helicopter fans and he'd actually gained his licence at 18. He ended up in a helicopter accident due to a fault and essentially fell 2,000ft.
Even now (20 years later) it's still something I think about. No one said a word to us about how we felt at the time though. Literally, teacher walked in, stated that this lad had been killed in a Helicopter accident and then walked out.
Remember a lad dying at school, big assembly to announce his passing.
Turns out he and his cousin and a few mates had been dicking about with dropping wood on the railway overhead power cables and he got a bit close and had a taste of 25kV which caused him to fall off the bridge and that was the end of him.
He had just finished skin graft treatment for burns sustained when dicking about with a plastic bottle of petrol which went wrong, seemed he was not averse to sailing too close tot he wind, or very high voltage power cables.
He was a nice lad, got on with him well, he was a bit unpredictable. Must have been hard on his mates who were there when he died.
Otherwise, at school, two pairs of brothers died, all from drugs.
Turns out he and his cousin and a few mates had been dicking about with dropping wood on the railway overhead power cables and he got a bit close and had a taste of 25kV which caused him to fall off the bridge and that was the end of him.
He had just finished skin graft treatment for burns sustained when dicking about with a plastic bottle of petrol which went wrong, seemed he was not averse to sailing too close tot he wind, or very high voltage power cables.
He was a nice lad, got on with him well, he was a bit unpredictable. Must have been hard on his mates who were there when he died.
Otherwise, at school, two pairs of brothers died, all from drugs.
Oddly I just found out today that one of my main contacts at a customer is no longer with the company (I assume elsewhere and very much alive, hopefully).
It's made me really sad, I've only been where I am 6 months and he's been very supportive from day one and I'd often pop in for a cup of tea and a natter. We weren't close mates as such, but I'll miss him.
It's made me really sad, I've only been where I am 6 months and he's been very supportive from day one and I'd often pop in for a cup of tea and a natter. We weren't close mates as such, but I'll miss him.
crofty1984 said:
Oddly I just found out today that one of my main contacts at a customer is no longer with the company (I assume elsewhere and very much alive, hopefully).
It's made me really sad, I've only been where I am 6 months and he's been very supportive from day one and I'd often pop in for a cup of tea and a natter. We weren't close mates as such, but I'll miss him.
WowIt's made me really sad, I've only been where I am 6 months and he's been very supportive from day one and I'd often pop in for a cup of tea and a natter. We weren't close mates as such, but I'll miss him.
O/H came in yesterday and, as usual, I asked how her day had gone. "Very subdued." was the answer. One of the staff in another department had died in hospital less than two weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He'd got married in hospital during the two weeks and his death hit O/H's staff hard as some of them had worked with him in the past.
You do have to wonder about some people though, one of them asked for the taxi fare home as she was so upset by the news. On being asked, she admitted she had never met or worked with him.
You do have to wonder about some people though, one of them asked for the taxi fare home as she was so upset by the news. On being asked, she admitted she had never met or worked with him.
JimmyConwayNW said:
I lost a good friend last year. He called me the day before his holiday, went abroad and died in a car accident whilst he was away. Pregnant GF, one child already and a wife he was under 30.
Hit me hard, found it hard to talk to anyone and that along with a couple of other events left me feeling pretty numb with the world and probably a bit depressed. Just couldn't snap out of it.
Confided in my Mrs a bit explained I was feeling really low about life, was just generally feeling a bit sick of life ( not suicidal just sick of everything and nothing was giving me much in the way of joy or happiness that should have been.
The Mrs response essentially laughed at me, told her family that I was sick of life who also laughed at me and laughed about it. As a perceived strong, dependable man its seemingly not alright to talk about these things.
Yep, been through exactly the same. turned to the NHS, who eventually signed me up to an online CBT course. Yeah, thanks for that.Hit me hard, found it hard to talk to anyone and that along with a couple of other events left me feeling pretty numb with the world and probably a bit depressed. Just couldn't snap out of it.
Confided in my Mrs a bit explained I was feeling really low about life, was just generally feeling a bit sick of life ( not suicidal just sick of everything and nothing was giving me much in the way of joy or happiness that should have been.
The Mrs response essentially laughed at me, told her family that I was sick of life who also laughed at me and laughed about it. As a perceived strong, dependable man its seemingly not alright to talk about these things.
Also, back on topic.
1 bloke from school made it to 18, then topped himself with drugs.
1 bloke from school made it to 20, then hung himself in the woods.
1 bloke from school, at about 17, shot himself.
1 girl from school got drunk and fell off a pub roof. DOA
The hardest hitting was a bloke I used to work with. Messed about with cars together, really good bloke. About 40. I had left the company, he rung me up asking for help with a circuit board in his dishwasher, I said I would pop round, but I had a cold.
He said don't bother, he was going on holiday in a day and didn't want to have a blooming cold. He would do the washing up by hand for a bit and give me a shout when they were back.
Next day he had a cold, the day after he was in the hospital instead of on holiday. And by evening, he was dead.
1 bloke from school made it to 18, then topped himself with drugs.
1 bloke from school made it to 20, then hung himself in the woods.
1 bloke from school, at about 17, shot himself.
1 girl from school got drunk and fell off a pub roof. DOA
The hardest hitting was a bloke I used to work with. Messed about with cars together, really good bloke. About 40. I had left the company, he rung me up asking for help with a circuit board in his dishwasher, I said I would pop round, but I had a cold.
He said don't bother, he was going on holiday in a day and didn't want to have a blooming cold. He would do the washing up by hand for a bit and give me a shout when they were back.
Next day he had a cold, the day after he was in the hospital instead of on holiday. And by evening, he was dead.
popeyewhite said:
crofty1984 said:
I'm aware that's a million miles away from a death. Hence the "oddly" at the start. I was surprised at my own reaction.
No need to be, you're experiencing a kind of loss.I expected we would keep in touch but aside from replying on Whatsapp, very little, he has a new life and I wouldnt say its been difficult, but surprised we arent in more regular contact, has talked about going for a meal or doing something, but I guess like everything, life happens.
Probably sick to the tits of me when he left
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